2011: The Awakening

Another year ended. Another year added to my numbers of years being a resident of Earth. 2011 for me marks the commencement of a brand new chapter in my life. It is in 2011 when I experienced new things and learned so much. In fact I felt like I have become wiser in judgment many times over after 2011. Also, 2011 marks the resocialization of this girl. (I say “resocialization” because I have been under a cycle of introversion-extroversion. Briefly said, my first two years in elementary school saw me an extrovert. The rest of those years I was an introvert. In highschool I was back to being an extrovert. My UP undergraduate years are characterized by rapid changing cycles. My UP graduate years saw me an introvert. That is, until I started doing research at the National Archives where I met many interesting people that I forgot about being shy.)

2011 is a very complicated year. It started with a lot of major heartbreaks resulting from frustration and depression which in turn are due to shattered self-confidence that made a crack in my world. Yes, it made a big crack but at least I was able to pull myself back together before I am completely broken into pieces. For first time, I doubted myself greatly, doubted my capacities, doubted my potential, doubted my future. This has of course happened before but only in minor cases. 

But the second half of the year proved to be a chance to redeem myself. It was not for no reason that I enrolled in extra filler courses. It was not for no reason that I joined volunteer organizations. It was not  for no reason that I finally said yes to be a full time employee. All these have a reason, and that is to test my limits and uncover erstwhile passions.

For instance, many were surprised when I took an English course. As a student of archaeology, we certainly have no need for that. People who know me were all the more surprised because they know that I write a lot, that I read a lot and I certainly do not have major problems in the mastery of the English language. But the course is all about the history, origins, and development of the English language. I do not regret taking up this course. Especially not when the prof does not belittle me in any way despite the fact that I have only 6 units of GE English for my background. No, he didn’t kick me out on day one. I guess he must be impressed with how much I know about English history. Even my classmates were impressed. And because we’re talking of the language’s origins, I am at the advantage since I have taken up filler courses on foreign languages in my undergraduate years. Knowing a little German helped a lot since English is a Germanic language. I describe to them my experiences in learning different languages. The only thing that bothers me is that I wasn’t able to submit a paper that I can be proud of because I had to focus on my other subjects.

Many were also shocked when I told them I’m studying Bahasa Indonesia. Having a background on European Languages and suddenly shifting to an Asian one would be that shocking, wouldn’t it? Even I myself was surprised at my sudden decision to take up Bahasa. But I reasoned to myself that it might prove useful in the future when I’m doing research on Southeast Asia. And I am perfectly happy with my Bahasa class. Because the class size is very small, I find it easy to be friendly. It helps, too, that the professor is nice. Well, she’s strict but she’s very understanding.

These two classes serve as my distraction/destruction classes. For once, I need a major distraction from anything related to archaeology. I was afraid I might lose my passion if I suddenly burned out because of it. Think of archaeology and me as lovers who suddenly are thinking of splitting due to constant companionship. I simply needed space. And what better way than to exert my right to intellectual promiscuity by flirting with other disciplines, mainly my other love, LANGUAGES. That is the distraction part. I say destruction because having paid for those courses using my own money, I of course expect myself to take them seriously. And that means submitting requirements, participating in class discussions, etc. Which means less time for the required courses. And which means less time for anime, manga, and other leisure activities.

And I did manage to survive that semester, 15 units and lots of extra work, plus part-time job, and volunteer work and all. Well, except for that one course which earned me another INC. 

Still even with 3 INCs, I was still happy to have finally conquered myself. I proved to myself that I can do it, that there is still a whole new world out there for me to explore, that I can do it. And I have proven again that listening to other people’s talk will bring me nowhere. For one, they do not know me. Whatever judgment they pass on me, that I can’t do this or that, or whatever, those views are theirs alone. I put myself down, I end up defeated when I listen to all those empty talk. Because I know myself better than they do know me. It’s just that this year I entertained doubts concerning my knowledge of myself that I almost fell prey to these predators in this jungle of a civilization. But knowing that I know myself better always springs me back to life. I’ve done it many times before, and I have done it again this year. I will have to do it this year, as well as in the years to come. For mine is not only faith in myself, but faith in a Greater Sublime Being.

Concerning my other passions, I must say that I have done well in the pursuit of these. I volunteered at the .MOV fest. Even for one day, I experienced how it’s like to organize an event. REALLY HARD WORK. Take that from someone who’s never joined an org in college. But I saw it not only as a challenge but also as a teacher so that if ever I encounter the same thing in the future I will have better decisions. Bonus pluses include meeting really cool people in the person of co-volunteers and famous personalities.

2011 also marks the year of my return of faith to the Pinoy film industry. I was able to watch 3 Cinemalaya films: Ang Babae sa Septic Tank, I-Libings, and Cuchera. I could have watched all the entries which were all very appealing to me. Problem as usual as time. And at that time, I was thinking of quitting my part-time job so I had to control my expenses. Still, I’m very much happy with the three films I watched. Aside from Cinemalaya, I also attended the European film fest and the Japanese film fest. I was also able to watch lots of movies this year which are too many to mention here. 

Some notable Pinoy films this year are My Neighbor’s Wife, No Other Woman, Way Back Home, and Praybeyt Benjamin. I especially liked Way Back Home. And because of my sudden interest in Pinoy movies, I also became interested in the local showbiz. I find myself admiring Vice Ganda for his quick wit and funny comedic remarks. I also began to lap up info on Coco Martin and Julia Montes. These three are my current showbiz favorites.

2011 saw me travelling alone to Pampanga and Bacoor for the first time by bus. At first I was scared but then again I found it another opportunity to test my limits. I learned for real that first times are always scary, that it takes time to get used to things, but that you can’t get used to things if you don’t make the first difficult step. For some reason, I am reminded of my crush’s advice to me to travel alone sometimes and not to be cooped up in Metro Manila. (And I would certainly welcome the opportunity to travel with my crush if ever there will be such an opportunity.)

I got my major break in archival research coupled with transcription and translation when I was tasked to gather relevant information on our fieldschool site from the National Archives. I knew I would be given that dreadful task. But I didn’t know it could be this rewarding. I get to hold old documents. I get to know intellectuals who do not think that I’m an ignorant kid in a supposedly old man’s den. Every trip to the Archives means food trip because most researchers are foodies, too. And we tend to bond together during lunch where we talk about anything under the sun. Sometimes it’s politics, sometimes it’s the future of the Philippines, sometimes it’s about our respective researches, but what I love most is when they share their own childhood experiences in the provinces. Because I do not have a province, I voluntarily assume the role of the listener, picturing their stories in my mind. I also love it when we talk about food. Any one of us could be the next Doreen Fernandez, though I will have to say I am not that qualified since I don’t like Filipino food that much except for sinampalukang manok, tinolang manok, non-pork sinigang, and grilled seafood, which count as my favorite foods of all time alongside Mexican, Italian, Japanese, and Chinese cuisine.

Another milestone in my life is getting published. It has always been a dream to be in the Philippine Daily Inquirer. One night when thinking about how messed up my life was, I wrote an article inspired by Paul Auster’s Moon Palace. I e-mailed it to PDI Youngblood not expecting it to be published. And then one day as the Pedring raged outside and I sat comfortably on the sofa, I glimpsed my name on Youngblood!!! It was happiness. Add to that the book review I submitted to Hukay, the official journal of UP-ASP. The book I reviewed is related to Biblical Archaeology, one of those many things that got me interested in archaeology in the first place.  With these, I can comfortably say that I am a writer.

Last but not the least, I was able to go on a one month trip away from my family in order to participate in our fieldschool. It was fun. It was nostalgic. I missed the yummy food whipped up by the awesome Ate Bulaklak. In particular, I love her sinigang na tilapia. I learned to appreciate local food. I learned A LOT in that one month. And yes, I was also terribly confused and broken after that but I survived didn’t I?

After that, I was finally able to say with confidence that I am an archaeologist who has gone out with a trowel to unearth artifacts for study and analysis. And then there’s this excavation in Intramuros which greatly offered an invaluable chance to once again wield my trowel and hug the earth. It was my first time to do urban archaeology. It was fun, even with free beer afterwards. Yes, even with… because I’m no drinker. 

And then I finally heeded the call to be a full-time employee. It doesn’t mean though that I will have no time for archaeology or to pursue my other passions. No, I made sure I have both money and time to control. So even with the job, I still do research. I still do read books though honestly my job eats up most of my time now. Sure having a full-time job is tiring. But when you’re a teacher out to inspire your students, you don’t notice the fatigue. Being with people younger than I am, though only by one or two years in general, have added joy to my life. It has been a dream come true.

In short, 2011 is a mixture of ups and downs. With strength of heart, will, courage, and integrity, I look forward to a shining future, continuing to write, to study, to travel, to do research, to excavate, to teach, to learn, and to do more.

This 2012, I’m looking forward to finishing my INCs. Aja, Melo!