Waking up late this morning left me feeling flustered because of yet another dream about me in an almost relationship with someone I do not even know in real life. Although this has happened several times before, I still haven't gotten used to it and everytime it happens I always end up feeling extra pensive, disturbed by these unwelcome visitations during my cutie sleep and yet feeling extra giddy and hopeful that in the very near future I meet the one I have been looking for.
The dream this time involves a boy who looks younger than me. We seem like very close friends until that moment when he confesses he likes me and wants to marry me. The whole time I was silent, not knowing what to say because everything was so sudden, I felt unprepared. All I know is that I am not sure if I can reciprocate his feelings.
Then the dream shifts to another scene , or perhaps I just forgot about the other parts and just remembered those where I felt strong emotions. In that scene, I watch him as he lay sleeping and kissed him lightly. (I swear this is so not me!!! I don't even like romantic movies and shoujo anime and manga so I do not know where my subconsciousness gets this... perhaps from fantasies??? LOL) He wakes up and we laugh for no reason (or maybe it was already a new scene) and even with the confession and everything, things are not awkward and we seem to understand each other very well. I also remember feeling very comfortable around him as I run my fingers through his silky hair.
And then I woke up. It was 11:25 and nobody bothered to wake me up. I said my morning prayers, left my bed, broke my fast, took a shower, and left home. While walking to the jeepney stop, I couldn't help but try to remember his face. What if we get to meet? It would be bad if I do not recognize him.
The dream got me thinking about fate, destiny, and free will. We meet many people but we choose whom we welcome in our life. It got me thinking about one of my life goals, to find that one person who will complete me. Somewhere out there under the vast sky, someone must be searching for me, too. I'd like to believe that one day fates will make our paths cross. So while I am still single, I would like to be the best that I can be, to do as much as I can so that when the time comes, I shall not feel as though I wasted my youth.
Yet questions form in my head. Should I believe that my perfect match is not separated from me by time, distance, nor circumstances? What if there is no such thing as a perfect match? What if I am just incapable of loving truly that I cannot go beyond the standards I have set?
Am I just being foolishly romantic to give meaning to these kinds of dreams which render me almost paralyzed at the thought that mobility might be more of a hindrance than a way to find him?
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I normally find it weird to write about these stuffs but I found myself restless unless I write about this dream. While there's a feeling of excitement, I really am not enthused to these things because they rob me of focus which is supposed to be alloted to higher learning and to my many interests. It seems my subconsciousness is saying otherwise. Oh well...
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