Writer's Block

These past few days saw me unable to articulate my sentiments. On the road going home, as I pass by lights against the quickly darkening sky, many thoughts flood my head. And yet when I am in front of the computer, about to compose a new blog, I find myself spacing out, opting to soothe my wounded pride with my latest album download. 

(This time, it's Rumania Montevideo's MO' BETTER TRACKS. I first discovered RM after hearing "Still for Your Love" from 名探偵コナン. "Still for Your Love" became one of my fave songs of all time, alongside 上木 彩矢's "Summer Memories", both being part of my playlist when I joined the China winter tour of 2008.)

And now, still vulnerable to those fun memories, it hurts so much knowing those moments can no longer be replicated and are now in the past. Still I smile with the thought that at the very least, I was able to break free from my cage-like existence and experience the joy of being with people whom I just met, people who have touched my heart, who renewed my trust in humans.

A few weeks from now, smiling faces and happy laughter shall fill my mind. 

And I hope I'll be able to give justice to this year's wonderful experience and write something interesting about it. I miss my travel buddies I console myself by listening to my fave songs all over again...

Home is Calling

Back from my China trip all exhausted and drained, I surrendered myself to sweet slumber after a quick meal at home.

You know you're truly home when you let your mind and body crash down, trusting that you're surrounded by people who truly matter.

And then memories cascade, of those episodes in your life when you last laughed with all your heart.

Revised Christmas 2012 Wishlist

I made my Christmas wishlist last September and seeing that the things I wished for are far too costly, I am making a new list.

1. Faber Castell watercolor pencils

2. CD albums of Sarah Brightman, Charlotte Church, Libera, and/or Gregorian Chants.

3. GCs to food establishments

4. dark chocolates

5. One Piece manga

6. Doraemon stuffed toy

7. books on art, history, music, travel, and architecture

8. binoculars

9. magnifying glass

10. compass

11. diary with acid-free paper

12. blanket (preferably green or blue)

Goodbye, Multiply

Goodbye, Multiply.

I thought you'd be with me forever. Turns out just like everything else, you have to walk out of my life, choosing to be a marketplace, an agent of capitalism, instead of being a companion to those who are lonely and in search of a listener.

I filled you with rants and raves I shared to you my innermost thoughts--- how I deal with my inner demons, my dreams, fantasies, frustrations... I opened to you my hear, I who have always been alone in this world, found a great listener in you. And now I find myself going back to the same loneliness. To whom shall I write of my rage if not to you? You who have pledged never to divulge secrets.

And so several days ago, I found myself saving every blog entry I have made. I scrambled and raced against time, for these hold my memories and my identities, and shall serve me well in forging my future.

Goodbye, Multiply. You have been a part of me. And now "us" fades into nothingness.

From Multiply 098: Down

There's a feeling of nothingness,
of alienation,
of sorrow and despair.

As I pass by the verdant fields,
melancholic winds blow through my hair
and embrace
my whole being.

How can I let myself
be dragged into such a hellhole?
How can I lose
vigilance over my
fragile sentiments?
How can I let such a jungle of a civilization get to me?

All the rage

All the frustrations

All the disappointments

Swirling
like a cyclone
infinite speed
no hesitation

I force a smile on my lips
I force myself
to think
happy thoughts
a path
the endless cycle of birth, death, and rebirth
down memory lane produces

There is nothing sadder than a girl alone in the wide fields
Sadder still is
a fragmented memory

Jun 6, '12 1:30 PM
for everyone

From Multiply 097: List of Anime to Watch

Last night the monkey turned the channel to Hero and it was showing Hunter X Hunter Greed Island Arc. I suddenly missed anime. Lately, all I have been watching are movies, mostly Western, following my conversion to a movie buff. Yes, before I regarded movies shallow and uninteresting but last year, I realized that there is more to look out for in film than the plot. One has to judge the cinematic effects, the animation style and HOW the story is narrated. I have a lot to learn in the film discipline, having watched few movies in my life, but what the heck, I'm learning.

The only anime I watch from time to time is "House of Five Leaves" about a very shy and timid samurai who can fight only when people are not watching. He's regarded as a shame to the ronin class because of this. He was unthinkingly included as a member in the Five Leaves group which kidnaps people for ransom. The group is not all that bad. There's Ume for example, who acts as the group's carrier and who runs a sake house in order to go legit and raise his daughter.

There are more anime I would like to watch. I especially would like to check out new titles since I don't know anything new about the anime world now... except for "Blood C" which is a CLAMP retelling of the hit anime "Blood +". I've seen the first episode and the art and animation was good, except I might have a hard time liking the super clumsy heroine. (And yes, I rarely like a CLAMP heroine.) There's also "Chaos; Head" which is about a male student who is so addicted to video games that he becomes paranoid as he cannot seem to distinguish between illusions and reality. In the end, it was not clear if everything was just in his head or indeed there was a serial killer out to get him.

Alongside the desire to check new anime series, I also have this urge to rewatch old titles. Here is my list of anime to wwatch after I free myself from bondage called ACADS.

1. Hunter X Hunter
Yes, I miss the whole system thought of by Yoshihiro Togashi. This anime is more complex than Yuyu Hakusho in that it is more than tournaments. The concept of Greed Island is nice, with everything revolving around cards for survival. Another thing I like is the second arc which involves the Gineiryodan and Kurapika's thirst for revenge.

2. Shaman King
This is one anime series which I've watched twice but NEVER got to watch the last 20 episodes or so either due to change of schedule or lack of time or whatever. I like the concept of shamans here. I think the anime is well-researched and it mostly derived from the American Indian cosmology. The humor never fails to make me laugh out loud.

3. One Piece
Hands down one of the greatest fantasy-adventure anime series ever. Eichiro Oda has effectively and wonderfully created a world where being a pirate is everything. The major reason why i like this is because of the dynamism of characters. Oda has certainly a profound understanding of humans.

4. Naruto
Yes I gave up on this anime even before Shippuden came out. But nowadays with Naruto merchandise all over the city, I have a longing to watch this from the start. I especially like the different ninja abilities. I like the fight scenes. I like the combination of weapons and special jutsu in fighting.

5. Cat's Eye
Not many people know about this anime. So far none has talked to me about this in UP. A friend in HS was hooked to it, I was not. Later on I realized this might be a good anime to familiarize one with works of art.

6. Getbackers
I was not able to watch the entire series, just the first 20 episodes or so. Simple as that.

7. Kekkaishi
I've been meaning to watch this ever since I saw it on Hero but I never got the chance to buy a DVD copy.

8. Air
This is one slow-paced anime that had me crying in the final episode. Yes the final episode is a surprise and it is really unexpected. It is simply amazing. I don't mean the death of the girl.

9. Futari no Spica
This is also another anime that has me crying in almost all episodes. It inspires viewers to follow their dreams despite the odds. Also whenever I hear Mr. Lion playing the harmonica, I just have to reach for the tissue paper. SNIFF.

10. Jester the Adventurer
The main hero is an anti-hero. He's greedy, has no manners, and really selfish. But he's funny.

11. Magic Knight Rayearth
Probably the first CLAMP series I liked and just one of the few. Yes I am biased AGAINST CLAMP hehe. Cute girls manning robots and fighting to save an alternate world is well, cute.

12. BT'X
All I remember is that people in this anime ride robot horses. And there's Teepee and Karen and the twins. Yes, I need to refresh my memory.

13. Yaiba
Who doesn't like a high pitched young samurai? I do. The English dub was lousy. I'm planning to watch the entire series again in Japanese.

14. Now and Then Here and There
Dystopia, child exploitation and such. Really a dark series.

15. Strange Dawn
Strange indeed with all the chibi characters and the males turn out bald. Stranger still is when what they consider as nude is a shoeless foot.

16. NieA under 7
That energetic, always hungry alien is just lovable. And you always guess what will happen to Mayu as she goes to cram school, work, and think of other problems... like how to wrestle piece of meat from a freeloader alien.

17. Angel Sanctuary
I was asking for more after watching the OAV. I guess they don't have plans of doing a series for the manga. (Yes I had to read the manga to know what came next.)

18. Gundam saga
Need to watch again Gundam Wing, Gundam X After War, and Turn a Gundam. And am looking forward to exploring other Gundam worlds in different time settings.

19. Macross
A classic which I never got to watch.

20. Fairy Tail
From the creator of Rave (speaking of the devil, whatever happened to Rave?) and equally humorous, though I like this one better. It reminds me a lot of One Piece. Luffy and Natsu have a lot in common.

That's about it. A message to myself: Finish that site report, paper and permatraces!!!

Oct 30, '11 9:15 AM
for Miracle's friends and Miracle's family

From Multiply 097: Some Movie Reviews Part 3

Since Thursday this week, I have been watching movies on DVD. I borrowed a lot from Rufus and I intend to return them before I graduate this November. Also, it's a form of relaxation before I plunge into one hellish semester again.

Hannah is a movie about a genetically modified girl who was raised by a man and who was trained to fight. She went to the city to face the people who want her dead and at the same time, learned of her origins. Nice fight scenes but the plot's the usual thing in movies with experimented humans.

Shrink is a pretty good movie about a famous psychiatrist who is consulted by big time people who are into movies. This doctor himself has problems and as he gets to know others, he learns to forgive himself and release the guilt that has been hounding him since his wife committed suicide. I love this film, it's a must-see.

It's Kind of a Funny Story is indeed funny albeit a little dramatic. It's about a teenage guy who's pressured to get into a prestigious school to land a good job and to get what he wants from the world. Feeling depressed and stressed from everything, he enters a rehab after a suicide attempt and there meets other people with more serious problems. I was surprised to find Julia Roberts' niece in the film. It's a light film actually but I think it raises awareness on depression, which BTW, is becoming more and more common these days among the youth.

Daydream Nation is a narrative from the point of view of a bored high school student named Caroline who seduces her male teacher and at the same time enters into a relationship with a guy her age. It's a great film on teenage angst: lots of drugs, sex, and obscene language.

The Mission is a film recommended by Prof. Laurel of the English Department. I was surprised to find it in the loot. It's about a group of Jesuits who aims to convert the Guarani people to Christianity but whose missions were abolished by the non-religious politicking of Portuguese and Spanish groups. Looks like an indie film. Nice picture and very nice graphics. It's a must-see for everyone.

Jun 19, '11 11:25 AM
for Miracle's contacts

From Multiply 096: Some Book Reviews

Song of Kali (Dan Simmons) is a contemporary novel about Calcutta, India with its dark underground cult of Kali aside from city’s many flaws like unhygienic practices (by Western standards). This book offers culture clashes, when West meets East, there’s bound to be repulsion and culture shock. India may be exotic but it’s one of those countries which I don’t plan to visit for fear of contacting diseases. This book lies in contrast to the film Eat Pray Love where India is seen as the ultimate locus of spirituality and colorful not to mention, exciting culture.

The Art of the Deal in China (Laurence J. Brahm), a book my sister bought, is patterned after Sun Tzu’s The Art of War with applications in today’s business world. It is basically a guide on how to close a deal with businesses in China, that is Western-based knowledge and savoir-faire does not work in the Chinese setting and that one must learn and master the ways of the Chinese to gain the upper hand. The one thing I really appreciate about this book is that it introduces me to the classic work which I have not read at all. The other nice thing is that it offers funny anecdotes which helps relieve stress, especially at this point when I’m in danger of yet again getting another INC from my prof. Other than these, you might as well throw the book away. Why? Data are made to fit theories, enough said.

Night (Elie Wiesel) tells the story of a boy and his family during the Holocaust and how the evils of his time contributed to his eventual loss of faith. Heartbreaking and dark, this book won the Nobel Prize in 1986 for its courage to voice out the grimness of life in the concentration camps set up by the Nazi regime.

May 28, '11 12:39 AM
for Miracle's friends and Miracle's family

From Multiply 095: Some Movie Reviews Part 2

Still busy with a lot of things and i'm in danger of incurring another INC but anyway, here I am watching and writing about movies again. I watched some of the ff before leaving for Batangas. A few days after my arrival in Manila, I resumed watching. Okay, one more requirement to go. Fingers crossed.

Perfect Getaway is a thriller adventure about a psychologically disturbed couple who murders other couples in an attempt to steal their identities. Lousy movie and I am not happy with Mila Jovovich’s performance here, that is, at the start. Towards the end though, the film started to become interesting.

Avatar is one of those movies that deserve to be shown in theaters every once in a while. I would doubt if anyone would get tired of watching it. It has become an instant favorite of mine. Well, I like the story, I like the theme and I like the message of this movie. Basically about protecting the environment, respecting other cultures, no to war and all that stuff. On a deeper level, one can discuss hyperreality, the mind-and-matter dichotomy, speculative fiction, advanced technology and mysticism. This is probably the best movie I’ve watched this year and I regret the fact that I wasn’t able to watch it in theaters; I could’ve had a blast.

Clash of the Titans opens with a very impressive graphics display and I was instantly awed. I thought to  myself, this is one movie I’ll certainly enjoy. That, aside from the fact that I’m a sucker for mythology and epic movies where battles are what I really wait for. I was glad to have had copied lots of movies from my classmates and volunteers during the fieldschool. (And I so damn wish that I had an external HDD with 500GB memory…)

Mon trésor, which I had thought was a French film, is actually a Hebrew film. It tells the story of a woman and her daughter who are forced to become prostitutes because of poverty.

Gouttes d’eaux sur pierres brûlants is a French film about sex and power. Leopold controls the people around him by means of sex, to the point that his male lover drank poison to kill himself when the latter realizes that the old man has lied to him all along.

Gulliver’s Travels, starring Jack Black, is a modern day retelling of the children’s classic novel of the same title. It tells the story of an ordinary guy who lies his way to impress the girl he likes. While on an assignment, he accidentally lands in Lilliput where he becomes a GREAT BIG MAN. Later on he realizes that size and greatness are relative and that what matters most is the heart.

Mala Educación is for me a very postmodern film with lots of brilliant twists and unexpected events, aside from lots of nudity and sex. A beautiful movie concerning the LGBT and identity, not to mention church abuse, psychological trauma, hypocrisy, and revenge.

True Grit stars a Fil-Am girl in this 2010 remake of the classic film. Girl sets out to find her father’s murderer and joins the grownups in the hunt in unknown territories. Nice film with some boring parts. Hailee Steinfeld is cute with her braided hair.

Taking Lives is not what I plan to watch. It’s supposed to be Salt: New Era also starring Angelina Jolie. Thank you, pirated DVDs! (insert sarcasm) Anyway, this turns out to be a good thriller with some CSI stuff in it making it more appealing. It’s about a guy who’s wanted for several murders. FBI agent Illeana falls for the guy without knowing he’s the murderer. In the end, she killed him. And a nice trick she pulled on him.


May 28, '11 12:05 AM
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies

From Multiply 094: Some Movie Reviews

Despite my busy schedule, I make it a point to watch movies after realizing their significance in the realm of arts, and also for their complementary nature to literature in the refection of humanity. The following are a few of what I have watched recently.

Black Swan is a psychological thriller starring Natalie Portman. It is about a ballerina who wishes to achieve perfection and who, in the process, becomes a victim of her delusions. Very nice choreography and Tchaikovsky's music was instantly recognizable. He composed, after all, the original musical score for "Swan Lake". The film tackles issues on sexual repression, hallucinations, and paranoia. After watching this, I'm betting on Natalie Portman to win the Oscars. And I was happy she won the Golden Globes Award for Best Actress. While watching this, I was instantly reminded of F, one of my friends in graduate school, because of her obsession to perfection and her insecurity complex.

Eat, Pray, Love starring Julia Roberts as a divorced woman intent on finding herself after a failed marriage is an exciting movie that sends viewers to different gastronomical and travel treats. From New York to Italy, to India, and Indonesia, Liz Gilbert goes on a quest to seek peace of mind. And indeed she has learned to release herself  from all the guilt and to forgive herself when she meets Felipe in Bali. Excitement builds up dramatically at first but spirals down just as quickly towards the end. I almost fell asleep watching this. Must be because I'm not into romantic films. Still, there are lots of quotable quotes with touches of Buddhism, Taoism and Zen like "Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." "Sometimes to lose balance for love ispart of living a balanced life." And there are numerous quotes worthy to remember so just watch the movie and see how Liz learns about life and love from her travels.

The Golden Compass is based on the book of the same title by Philip Pullman which, if I remember correctly, generated controversies because of the alleged semblance of the Magisterium to the Church's hegemony especially during the Middle Ages. Lyra Belacqua is a crafty little girl who can read the alethiometer. She goes on a quest to save her friends from the gobblers who were in the command of Mrs. Coulter (Nicole Kidman). Cliffhanger because the movie ends with Lyra and company on their way to deliver the alethiometer to her father Lord Asriel. Very nice graphics. But the battle was short and wasn't much of a scene. Still, it is pleasant to see Iorek Byrnison, the armored polar bear, fight against Ragnar. Anybody who can lend me Pullman's "His Dark Materials"?

The Tourist stars two of the most well-loved artists in Hollywood. Angelina Jolie plays the role of a secret agent named Elise and Johnny Depp as her lover Alexander Pearce who is wanted for stealing a huge sum of money. Full of suspense and mystery, plus nice views of Venice add to the movie's appeal. And not to mention the twist in the end which for me, is very ingenious. Oh and before I forget, don't bother to search for the book "The Berlin Vendetta". It's just a prop and not a real book. (Yeah, I was duped coz I got curious, but my curiosity led me to discover interesting stuffs they do in movies.)

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is based on the acclaimed classics for children by C.S. Lewis. I've been meaning to watch this but it's only now that I got to thanks to Noriza who lent me a DVD copy. It tells of four children who gained access to Narnia and who helped in the battle against the White Witch. Very nice graphics. It's very obvious that a lot has been spent on the production of this movie as can be seen from the minute details that propsmen paid attention to. Aslan the lion was also beautifully done, rendering him to be almost real.

Prince Caspian is released a year after the massive success of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The four Pevensie children return to Narnia to help a prince in self-exile gain his true place as king. Again, this movie does not disappoint. I look forward to getting a copy of "Voyage of the Dawn Treader".

The King's Speech is a historical drama set in pre-WWII in England, about a king overcomes his speech problems with the help of an amateur speech pathologist who becomes his loyal and trusty friend. Somewhat boring at first but viewers can sympathize greatly with Bertie as Colin Firth renders a very realistic performance. Oh and did I say that the primary reason why I watched this is because of my fave actress Helena Bonham Carter? Sadly, she plays a minor role here.

I have many more to watch but first, I have to finish my papers.


Feb 27, '11 11:35 PM
for Miracle's contacts

From Multiply 093: Images of the Revolution in Spanish Painting Aug. '09

Last August 10, we the students of EL197 class, attended Prof. Maria Victoria Herrera’s lecture “Images of the Revolution in Spanish Painting” at CM Recto in the Faculty Center. While I must say that her presentation is quite boring on most parts, with her just reading her paper the entire time, I did appreciate the things I learned from here.

In connection to the Spanish Civil War, she presented the famous work by Pablo Picasso, the Guernica. But before she talked about Picasso, she first presented another famous Spanish painter, Francisco de Goya.

Francisco de Goya was one of those afrancesados, those who embraced not only the French liberalism, but also its culture and manners, thus they were shunned by the traditional society which believed in being nationalistic, closing their doors to foreign influences. He served in the French courts as royal painter and went back to his motherland where he received a cold shoulder. Nevertheless, he was able to produce great masterpieces, one of which is “El tres de mayo” where he immortalized in the four corners of his canvas the shooting down of the Spanish resistance against the Napoleonic invasion of Spain in the 19th century.

In this particular painting, we see one use of art, and that is the portrayal of a historical event. Sure accounts are quite abundant in the pages of history books but art, as in the case of paintings like “El tres de mayo” have a better way of capturing the images of the past. We see here the shock and the fear in the eyes of men whose imminent death lies ahead as soldiers point their weapons at them.

In the 20th century, the main representative of Spanish art would have to be Picasso, whose famed cubism was present in one of the most widely praised paintings of all time. The Guernica is a work of art created as a reaction to the events that were happening in Spain at that time. A brief background on history was presented. Guernica was actually a small town in the Basque country which was bombed by Franco’s troops despite it being an area of civilians and non-fighting people. When it was bombed on a market day, it is said that Picasso got angry and used the event as his subject for the mural project he was working on.
Here, we see that art has taken on the form of a reaction to what is happening around, reflecting the social conditions with which the painter lived. Also, it has evolved into something that promotes awareness, something like a propaganda that informs people about the present situation.

I’m afraid that I am most unworthy to comment on the paintings. While I admire Goya for his works “La maja desnuda” and “La maja vestida”, I can’t seem to appreciate the highly abstract works of Picasso, including the Guernica of course. Or maybe it’s just a matter of tastes since I am quite attracted to baroque paintings like those done by Titian, Lorrain, Vernet, and of course Peter Paul Rubens with all their mythological and religious subjects. I thought I couldn’t quite participate in the discussion which followed the presentation but I was wrong.

Bringing up something connected to religion is certainly an aperture for me. When someone asked about the dove as a sign of peace, I suddenly fell into thinking as to why use a dove with a twig on its beak as a symbol for peace? Prof. Herrera was not able to answer my question regarding this as I have said that the dove is a symbol of hope, as one can see in the story of Noah in the Book of Genesis. Upon seeing the dove come back with a twig on its beak, the family of Noah rejoiced, knowing that dry land had been found. Furthermore, I know that the dove also symbolizes the Holy Spirit though I don’t know where such symbolization originated from. There’s this Bible verse, too, that says that when one is filled with the Holy Spirit, he shall be filled with peace. A classmate of mine offered a brief answer saying that somewhere in the Bible, it is stated that the dove is a symbol of peace. And indeed I checked the New Testament for proof and voila, I found it in the first four books of the New Testament. When Jesus was baptized, the heavens opened and a voice was heard saying “This is my son for whom I am well pleased.” The disciples saw the Holy Spirit which descended like a dove. So I guess, this must be it.

Aug 26, '10 10:42 AM
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies

From Multiply 092: August 2009 '39 Exhibit

Holding exhibits is propaganda, and a very good one at that, especially done it a graphic fashion since people tend to be attracted to visual images, and not lengthy works of words. And it proves successful when it not just captures the attention of passersby, but also penetrates the consciousness of that seemingly indifferent person of the importance of the thought propagated.

The ’39 Exhibit, a product of the cooperative efforts of the Department of European Languages composed of the faculty, staff, and students, was held last August 10 to commemorate the Spanish Civil War, its atrocities, the horrors and madness that follow belligerent activities. It aims to spread awareness of the evils of war, how it hampers the development of a country, the psychological effects on people, especially the young ones who lived during the wars, and to say the least, mass murder of fellow human beings over something so trivial. Here, we get to see not just poems condemning war and military actions, but also a collection of drawings and caricatures where one can see the manifestations of war imposed upon the consciousness of young innocent minds.

An old typewriter was installed on a wooden table where people are encouraged to write their thoughts on war. In line with the peace advocacy project, I typed out the following on a clean sheet of paper, “No se conoce la paz sin la guerra. Las guerras de ayer sirven como una lección para que no cometamos los mismos errores.” Paradoxes are cool ways to send out a message. Not only do they entail reflection on the reader’s part, they also make people marvel at how seemingly illogical words can actually ring true. Remembering a famous saying that one can not acknowledge the value of something unless it’s gone, I set out to have a play on words, thus producing something like the abovementioned sentence. It’s a more concrete form of the saying from which I derived it, I believe. It’s pretty much like the very things we take for granted. There would be no concept of health if there is an absence of diseases. There would be no wisdom if there’s no folly. In the same way, we never know what we have until it’s snatched away from us. If people lived in constant peace, they would have never thought of the concepts of peace and unrest.

But does it mean that we have to wage war against anyone anytime just so we can learn peace? The hell no! History provides us more than enough wars to make us think before we act. All one has to do is read historical accounts, from the turbulent period of warring states in China, to the age-old rivalries between Israel and Palestine, to the infamous World Wars, not to mention several civil wars. I can go on and on enumerating wars in history and the reason why they are in the pages of history is precisely because they serve as a reminder of human frailty when faced with lust for power and dominance. Truth shall set us free, as the popular saying goes, and we cannot be so without acknowledging our own weaknesses. By admitting that evil resides in us, we may learn to overcome it by being good.

Pardon me for the slight digression but I feel the need to write a little concerning the Book Exhibit whose aim is to encourage people to read about wars. The Book Exhibit was also a sign of a fight against intellectual repression, citing famous book-burning events in history. Many have been written about wars, but few immerse themselves in them. “There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them,” says Joseph Brodsky. That this ’39 exhibit follows the Book Exhibit is a good way to make people reflect on what they have read. Flaubert once said that one must not read to amuse oneself nor for the purpose of instruction, but to live. I find that very true. For reading without reflection and without learning about life is like not reading at all.

There was also a board wherein Machado’s incomplete poem was written and people are asked to complete it. The given line was “Estos dias azules y este sol de infancia…” Here is an attempt to continue the poem from yours truly:

Estos dias azules y este ssol de infancia…

Una voz del futuro, suave y fuerte.

En el fondo del alma y de la memoria,

Aquellas noches oscuras y aquella luna de la muerte…

Indeed, we learn more when we are immersed in something. Indeed we learn more when we are involved. In these exhibits, we not only become aware of the threats of war, we also become more protective of peace.

Aug 26, '10 10:38 AM
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies

From Multiply 091: 82010 (Eiga Sai)

Today’s the last day I’ll be watching a movie offering of this year’s Eiga Sai. It’s my first ever time to include watching free movies into my always hectic schedule, and there are no regrets, only a clamor for more and a decision to watch out for more free movies. It’s a great way to spend time with one’s own self, and it feels equally great to be able to cry again without worrying over being teased by an acquaintance, coz in almost everything that I watch, I tend to cry a lot. And it’s a good sign because it means I can still feel.

This afternoon, after eating siomai rice meal with buttered veggies and iced tea (P39) at CASAA with S and C, I went straight to NIGS. I have two purposes, one is to study and prepare for our exam next week, and the other’s to be able to see my ex-crush. First mission partly accomplished, second mission failed. At 4pm, I took the Ikot to UPFI and met up with Nori-chan. I forgot to bring her USB… So forgetful these days.

Anyway, the film at 4:30 is “The Bandage Club”. Young people can relate well here, since it focuses on how a group of young people unites to “heal” wounds and inspire troubled youth. It starts with Wara accidentally cutting herself on the wrist and is misunderstood as being suicidal. One day, she climbs over a fence on the rooftop and is surprised to find a pervy boy named Ideno Tatsuya (aka Dino) who convinced her to go down. Upon seeing Wara’s bandage which has flown to a metal stand, Dino thought that she might be a troubled teenager attempting to commit suicide and ties the bandage on the fence, telling her that that way, he “heals” her wounds.  Weirded out by the strange boy, Wara leaves without telling him her name. When she meets up with her friend Shio, the latter cries complains of her boyfriend and cries. Remembering Dino’s way of comforting her, Wara ties a bandage on the swing to “heal” Shio’s pain. Shio then suggested to start the Bandage Club, with the help of another boy named Gimo, and of course, Dino. Their mission: to “heal” by bandaging. Later on, they recruit Riski and try to persuade Tempo to join, too. These two girls were once friends with both Wara and Riski but since their dispute, they went separate ways. Suddenly, the group is troubled when somebody tips them off to the police. It turns out to be Tempo who confesses to it before she attempts to kill herself. In a desperate moment, Dino bandages a very tall building, thus attracting the attention of many people and the police. Their plan is to let Tempo know that they are unaffected with her betrayal, with the hope that it’ll prevent her from the planned suicide. This is one funny scene, but also a heartwarming one because it shows the extent one goes just to save a friend. In the end, they all realize that while they “heal”, they unknowingly heal themselves.

It is thanks to this movie that I understand that a little kindness can go a long way. It’s just so easy to be cynical about things and not do anything, but a little kindness, a little optimism, can certainly create change, though it may be small in scale. But if kindness and compassion is to be spread all over the world, it will certainly make a BIG difference. Dino may be strange and even crazy with all his crazy experiments to experience pain, but this is one way of showing empathy. By going through the difficult things in life, he understands more than those who do not even venture into crazy stuffs. His is a philosophy that is manifested more in action than in words.

From Multiply 090: Jeepney Scene 8

Kanina lang ulit ako nakasakay ng UP jeep galing Pantranco. Madalas kasi sumasakay na lang ako ng bus dahil bibihira lang ang UP jeep sa lugar na iyon. Hindi ko nakuha ang plate number ng jeep na nasakyan ko, sabi ko pa naman sa sarili ko na gagawin ko iyon pagkababa kaso nawala sa isip ko.

Mabait naman si manong tsuper. May pasahero kasing matanda at talagang ibinaba ni manong sa ilalim ng flyover malapit sa MRT at tinawag ang MMDA para alalayan yung matanda. Bibihira na lang ang mga ganung tsuper. Kadalasan e mga bastos ang mga tsuper ng jeep. Kung kaya't kahit papaano e gumanda ang araw ko.

Kaso nga lang, nung nasa QMC na, saka ko lang napansin na smoke belcher pala! Hay nako. Sana naman gawan ng paraan ni manong para di na bumuga ng maitim at toxic na usok ang jeep niya.

Aug 18, '10 9:43 AM
for everyone

From Multiply 089: Jeepney Scene 7

Nung isang araw, minalas talaga ako sa sinakyang jeep. Grabe magmaneho yung tsuper, akala mo kung sinong hari ng kalsada. Nakakainis. Hindi ba niya alam na inilalagay niya sa panganib ang buhay niya at ng mga pasahero niya? Adik yata sa droga iyon. O sadyang mayabang lang at hari-harian.

May isang pasahero, babae, na dinemanda na ibalik ng tsuper ang pamasahe niya kasi bababa na daw siya't ayaw pa niyang mamatay. At binalik nga ng tsuper sabay sabi, "Sige, ikaw na lang ang mamatay mag-isa!" sabay maneho na naman nang ubod ng tulin sa Quezon Ave. Aba, ang bastos ng tsuper na iyon! Imbes na humingi ng tawad sa pagkakamali niya ay nang-insulto pa!

TXU 329 (dyip na papuntang Philcoa, hindi ko nakita kung saan galing pero basta dumadaan sa Quezon Ave.) ang numero ng plaka ng dyip na iyon. Hindi ko lang maalala kung ano ang numero na dapat tawagan para i-report ang mga mayayabang at walang modong mga tsuper ng pampublikong sasaskyan. Gusto ko sana isumbong ito.

May 28, '10 11:56 AM
for everyone

From Multiply 088: Jeepney Scene 6

Inaantok ako kanina sa dyip. (Lagi naman eh, pero nitong mga huling linggo, mas grabe dahil sa init.) Pero dahil laganap ang nakawan ngayon ay pinipilit kong huwag matulog. Kaya nililibang ko ang sarili sa pagmamasid sa paligid.

Kanina, nakita kong "bukas ang lungsod" ng aleng nakaupo sa harap ko. HIndi ko naman siya masabihan dahil maingay at kakailanganin kong sumigaw para marinig niya. Kaso nga lang, kung gagawin ko iyon, tiyak na maririnig ng iba pang mga pasahero. Hintay na lang muna.

Buti na lang at bumaba ang katabi niya. Lumipat agad ako sa tabi niya at medyo nahihiyang lumapit at mabilis na bumulong na "bukas ang lungsod" niya. Tulad ng inaasahan, bingi pala ang ale. Nakatatlong ulit yata ako bago niya nakuha ang mensahe at agad na tinakip ang bag sa parteng iyon at pasimpleng inayos ang sarili. Natawa siya nang makuha ang mensahe. Akala niya kung ano na daw pinagsasabi ko. At nagpasalamat siya.

Gusto ko lang ikwento. Napangiti ako sa pangyayaring iyon. Hindi dahil sa "bukas na lungsod" kundi dahil sa nakatutuwang ale na iyon. Buti hindi siya pikon.

May 24, '10 10:28 AM
for everyone

From Multiply 087: Jeepney Scene 5

Pangalawang beses na ngayong buwan na may nakasabay ako sa dyip na parang walang pakialam sa kapaligiran at basta basta lang nagtatapon ng basura sa kalsada.

Yung una, hindi ko nai-blog dahil masyado akong abala. Pero heto ang nangyari. Yung babaeng nakaupo sa tapat ko ay kumakain ng mansanas at habang kumakain ay binabato sa kalsada ay balat. Habang umaandar ang dyip e bato lang siya nang bato. Tinitigan ko siya nang masama sa pag-asang magkaroon naman siya kahit konting kahihiyan pero hindi efektibo at patuloy pa rin siya sa pagtapon nang walang pakialam. Dapat pala hinampas ko na lang siya ng payong ko, baka matauhan pa.

Yung kanina naman, hindi ko na talaga alam kung ano ang iisipin ko. Isang mag-ina ang nakaupo sa tapat ko. May hawak na McDo float yung bata at sa kalagitnaan ng biyahe ay naubos niya iyon. At grabe, yung nanay pa ang nagsabi sa kanya na itapon niya sa kalsada yung walang laman na baso. Sa gitna ba naman ng EDSA!!! Imbes na turuan nang maganda ang bata e tinuruan pa ng masama. Nakakainis talaga. Kaya tinitigan ko yung nanay nang masama at parang nahiya yung nanay dahil hindi makatingin sa akin. Siguro hindi rin siya tinuruan nang maayos ng nanay niya. Nakakhiya siya.

Ganito na lang ba tayo lagi? Naranasan natin si Ondoy, pero heto pa rin tayo at patuloy na sumisira sa ating kapaligiran at kung saan saan nagtatapon ng kung anu-ano. Ang arte pa ng karamihan kasi ayaw magbitbit ng kapiranggot na basura. Bakit hindi mo na lang hintayin na makarating ka sa kung saan may basurahan bago mo itapon ang basura mo?

Ano ang nangyari sa mga pinag-aralan natin sa paaralan tungkol sa kahalagahan ng pag-aalaga sa ating kapaligiran? Lahat ba ng mga napag-aaralan natin ay puro teorya lang at hindi na natin iniisip na i-apply sa totoong buhay?

Apr 28, '10 9:02 AM
for everyone

From Multiply 086: Back to Work

Just came back from a one-week break. Yes, I didn't work on my thesis for a week, for ONE PRECIOUS WEEK. And now, there's only one month left. Actually, I have less than two weeks, that is, taking into consideration my plan of finishing it before Valentine's Day.

So what exactly have I been doing? Well, some relatives on my dad's side from abroad came to visit. Aunt Helen left early this morning, my dad's aunt and her daughter will be leaving on the third of this month. Since Aunt Helen stayed with us, it was hard for me to do schoolwork in our bedroom without making a mess. People here had warned me beforehand about being orderly and since it is against my nature to be such, I decided to go on strike and not do school stuffs. And I DO want my aunt to be comfortable in our bedroom.

And so, it had been a very unproductive week.
____________________________________________________________

Saturday (Jan. 30) I went to UP planning to watch two plays but because of my tardiness, I ended up watching only one. Missed "The Yellow Shawl" but my classmates told me it wasn't that good. At least I was able to catch "May Day's Eve". I so admire the lady narrator in black. She was so confident, poised and spoke audibly. I also love the heroine. Pretty gal with long wavy hair.

I wasn't required to watch actually. But these days I seem to crave musicals, theater plays and concerts. I so miss my childhood days when my dad would bring us to CCP to watch concerts and theatrical performances. I also missed going to recitals.
___________________________________________________________

That same Saturday night, we went to Golden Fortune Seafood Restaurant along Kalaw Ave. for a mini-reunion. I was shocked to see my erstwhile playmate cousin now taller than me. Darn it! And no Cherifer for her. I jokingly told her I wouldn't want to be caught around her ever again because of it. And guess what? She's just in 6th grade!!!

And regarding the food, I can't say I enjoyed much. I was expecting we'd go to China Place, just so I can eat those wonderful fried chili crabs again. But no, my dad had to have the last word. But anyway, my mere consolation lies in the fact that I was able to eat around 6 or 7 pieces of crab. Only, they're steamed, not fried. BOO!
___________________________________________________________

The following day (Jan. 31) we visited Grand-Aunt and her daughter at Sofitel. It was my first ever time go inside that hotel but it wasn't attractive compared to Manila Hotel. Maybe it's because of my preference for 19th century Hispanic Manila styles. Modernism doesn't have that much impact on me.

At at Tempura Restaurant in Banawe. I really hate it when dad doesn't like trying new restos. I love Tempura, it's one of the best Japanese restos I've been to, but we've been there many many times already and I'm craaving for somethig new. Like perhpas those in Tomas Morato.

In the afternoon, we visited the Tan Yan Kee Chinese Library in San Fernando Tower. Lots of Chinese books. I so want to borrow "Dream of the Red Mansions" but unfortunately, I'm not a member, and neither do I have the money to apply for membership. And come to think of it, I also don't have time to read Chinese novels because I REALLY NEED TO FINISH MY THESIS before V-day, darn it.

Afterwards, we visited Ha Yuan. I miss their makimi, the best I've tasted in my life. However, when we got there, I wanted to try their fresh lumpia. So no makimi for me. But the lumpia doesn't disappoint. At P60, I wouldn't consider it cheap, but it's really good, with generous amount of veggies inside.

And then almost 3 hours stuck in traffic. It was a NIGHTMARE. I was already cursing. Just why the heck do Filipinos love parading on major public thoroughfares??? That time, I really needed to go to the comfort room. But it was a good thing I fell asleep, somehow I "forgot" about it.

Got home at 11pm and missed dinner. We just ate instant pancit canton and siopao at home.
____________________________________________________

And so now, I'm gladly back to normal. Am about to finish Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol". Oh yeah, I almost forgot aabout my thesis! @_@

Feb 1, '10 9:42 AM
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies

From Multiply 085: PAG presents Chino Gutierrez in Solo Violin Recital

from: http://www.clickthecity.com/events/details.php?id=7072

The Philippine Association for the Gifted (PAG) will present violinist Joaquin Maria "Chino" Gutierrez in a concert .

He will be performing works of Bach, Schumann, Ysaÿe, Tchaikovsky, Kabayao, and Vieuxtemps, accompanied by pianist Mary Anne Espina.

This event marks the return of Gutierrez to the concert stage after several years of absence. Nineteen-year old Gutierrez is a former violin prodigy who trained in Germany with the renowned pedagogue Jens Ellermann at the prestigious Hochshule für Musik und Theater München (Academy of Music and Theater in Munich).

He began playing the violin at 7 and ½ years old under the tutelage of Alfonso "Coke' Bolipata. At 9, he won second prize at the NAMCYA (National Music Competitions for Young Artists), grade school division, and three years later, won first prize also at the NAMCYA, high school division. At 12, he was the youngest competitor in his category.

Gutierrez had his orchestral debut at age 10 at the Cultural Center of the Philippines, playing Lalo's Symphonie Espagnole with the Metro Manila Community Orchestra, under the baton of Josefino "Chino" Toledo. He also gave his first solo recital at 10. He has performed in numerous critically acclaimed performances both here and in Germany. His last major performance was in 2006 as soloist of the Manila Philharmonic Orchestra, under the baton of Oscar Yatco.

Gutierrez, who has been a member of the PAG since 1995, has many equally impressive achievements outside the field of music. His outstanding talents in math, science, and languages have earned for him recognition both in the Philippines and in Germany, where he spent his high school years. While pursuing violin studies at the Hochschule, he won the State math competitions in Bavaria. Also, because of his linguistic abilities, he was tapped to co-author a book on etymology in 5 languages. After Germany, he received a full scholarship for a double degree program in music and physics at Bard College, New York. He was also offered a scholarship at the Peabody Conservatory of the Johns Hopkins University.

At present, he is studying at the University of the Philippines, in a special program for gifted students, taking up higher math and science courses, while working with Gina Medina on his pieces and happily indulging his love for the violin.

Tickets to the concert are at P1000, P700, and P500, with 50% discount for students and 20% discount for senior citizens.

Contact Details:
For ticket inquires, please call Bernadette of the PAG secretariat at (63 2) 687-1122 or (63 915) 680-0753. Tickets also available at the gate.


Philamlife Auditorium
Manila

Philamlife Bldg.,
United Nations Ave. cor. Ma. Orosa St.,
Ermita,
Manila,
Metro Manila,
Philippines

Saturday February 6, 2010 7:30 PM


Jan 27, '10 12:42 PM
for everyone

From Multiply 084: Mga Iniisip sa Jeep

Araw-araw, sa aking pagpasok sa unibersidad, habang nakasakaay sa jeep, hindi ko maiwasan ang mag-isip tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay. Siguro, malaking tulong ang pagsakay ko ng dyip at bus sa pagmamasid ng mga tao at sa pag-iisip.

Una sa lahat, lagi kong naiisip ang usok na galing sa tambucho ng mga sasakyan. Nakakapangsira ng araw ang maiitim na usok, tila ba'y nagdidilim ang mundo ko sa tuwing naiisip na maraming naaapektuhan sa mga masamang elementong taglay ng usok sa iyon. Ikalawa, ang labis na init ng panahon na tila ba'y niluluto kang dahan-dahan. Bakit ba kasi sinesementuhan na lang lahat? Ang init-init tuloy. Mabuti pa ang lupa, nakakaabsorb ng init kung kaya't hindi mo maiisip na parang nasa loob ka ng oven. Lubos akong nalulungkot sa kakulangan ng mga puno dito sa QC. Ang QMC at UPD lang siguro ang may malalawak na lupain na may tanim na puno't iba't ibang halaman. Napakainit tuloy sa QC.

Sa dalawang bagay na ito, lagi kong tinatanong kung kailangan ba talaga ang mga ito. Akit ba lubhang obses ang mga tao sa mga sementadong daan? Oo nga madaling daanan, wala pang putik, pero hindi ba sila naiinitan??? O baka ang nasa isip nila ay porke sementado e ibig sabihin na noon ay well-developed? Aba'y isang maalaking pagkakamali iyon kung ganoon ang iniisip nila! Ang masasabi kong well-developed na bansa ay yaong may magandang programa sa kalikasan, na maayos ang kapaligiran, may mga infrastraktura oo, pero kasabay ng mga ito ang paglalaan ng lugar para sa mga puno sa siudad.

Sa tingin ko isang dahilan kung bakit hindi na binibigyang pansin ang mga puno't halaman sa siudad ay dahil na rin sa kakulangan sa puwesto para sa tao. Taun-taon kasi kayrami ng mga nagsisipunta rito sa Maynila para maghanap ng magandang kapalaran. Hindi kasi binibigyan masyado ng pansin ang mga pangangailangan ng mga nasa probinsya kung kaya't lahat ay nag-aakala na baka dito sa sentro ng urbanidad ay mas maginhawa ang buhay.

Ni kulang tayo sa watershed areas. Kaya pag malakas ang ulan, katakut-takot na baha. Kapag panahon ng tag-init, wala ring tubig. Paano ba naman kasi, ang akala siguro ng mga tao ang Maynilad ang talagang "batis" ng tubig. Aba'y hindi no! Nariyan ang mga dam. Pero para sa akin, mas importante na may malalawak na watershed areas. Hindi lamang ito nakapag-iipon ng tubig kapag umuulan, nakatutulong rin ito sa tag-init. Dahil sa naipong tubig-ulan, may makukuha ang mga tao kapag kailangan nila ng tubig. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung gaano karaming tubig ang naiipon ng isang hektaryang lupa, at hindi ko rin alam kung sapat ba ito para sa higit sa sandaang libong taong naninirahan sa Metro Manila. (Sa tingin ko hindi sapat, lalo na kasi alam naman nating lahat na mahilig maligo ang mga Pilipino.)

Minsan naiisip ko na tumira na lang sa bundok, kung saan presko ang hangin, malinis ang tubig at simple lang ang pamumuhay. Pero sa kabilang banda, iniisip ko, kaya ko kayang talikuran ang buhay na nakasanayan ko na? Ang ibig sabihin ko dito ay ang paggamit ng laptop para maglibang. Importante rin ang kuryente para sa pagbabasa sa gabi. At siyempre, mahirap naman ata kung walang bagong babasahin. Kailangan ko pa rin ng koneksyon sa sibilisasyon.

Minsan tuliy iniisip ko, paano kaya kung hindi nagkaroon ng Industrial Revolution? Ngayon naman kasi, sa dami ng mga gadgets at kung anu-ano pang imbensyon, masasan=bi mo ba talaga na masaya ang tao? Masasabi mo ba na sa bawat pag-asenso sa larangan ng siyensya ay mas nakakamit ang tunay na kaligayahan? O kaya, na mas nagiging responsable at mas palaisip ang mga tao?  Siguro ang iilan oo, pero ang karamihan, hindi. Naku! Isang malaking probelma iyon, lalo na sa bansa natin na hindi lahat ay nakapag-aaral. Importante talaga ang edukasyon, hindi lamang ukol sa siyensiya, maging sa pagtuturo ng etika. Sa tingin ko, kulang tayo dito sa huli. Bakit?

Nariyan ang mga taong disente manamit, naka-makeup pa, ang iba naka-gel pa, na aakalain mo na may magandang trabaho. Siyempre, ibig sabihin, nakapagtapos ang mga ito. Tapos maakikita mo na lang na biglang magtatapon ng balat ng kendi sa daanan. Siyempre, klasik na halimbawa na ang balat ng kendi. Mas nakakainis kapag mga boteng plastik pa! Meron din mga aluminum foil. Nakakainis lang kasi pati pala mga nakapagtapos ay hindi mo masasabing may pinag-aralan o totoong edukado.

Alam naman nating lahat na masama ang magtapon ng kung anu-ano sa kalsada. O baka sa tingin mo ikaw lang ang may karapatan na magtapon at aang iba ay wala? Eto lang ang masasabi ko, para gumandaa ang kapaligiran, kailangan magtulong-tulong ang LAHAT, at ibig sabihin, kahit na sino mayaman o mahirap, matanda o bata, babae o lalaki, basta LAHAT. Isa pang dahilan kung bakit tapon pa rin ng tapon ang mga tao sa kung saan-saan ay dahil na rin sa pag-aakalang may mga metro aide naman. Aba, balak pa yatang pabigatin ang trabaho ng mga ito! Mga walang puso! Kayo kaya ang magwalis sa ilalim ng init ng araw??? At ang nakakainis ay may mga nagrereklamong ang dumi-dumi ng Pilipinas pero sila naman mismo ang nagkokontribyut sa pagiging marumi ng bansa.

Naalala ko tuloy yung isang forum na ginawa namin para sa CWTS sa isang barangay. May topic kami doon tungkol sa kalinisan bukod pa sa ibang mga bagay at inimbitahan namin ang ilang mga residente at mga NGO at iilang may impluwensiya sa barangay. Lahat ay nagreklamo tungkol sa mga hindi sumusunod sa patakaran ng kalinisan. Pero nang matapos ang forum na iyon, aba, karamihan sa kanila ay hanggang salita lang pala, kasi sila rin ay nagkakalat. Yung mga tetra pack ng juice at balot ng meryenda ay iniwang nakakalat sa sahig, samantalang may basurahan naman sa lugar na pinagganapan ng forum. Tsk tsk! Ganito ba talaga ang mga Pilipino, naghihintay ng pagbabago nang hindi sinisimulan sa sarili?

Jan 23, '10 12:53 PM
for everyone

From Multiply 083: Der Hölle Rache

The sixth track in my CD of Mozart in Europa. According to Wiki, it's an aria in Mozart's opera "Die Zauberflöte" ("The Magic Flute").

Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen,
Tod und Verzweiflung flammet um mich her!
Fühlt nicht durch dich Sarastro
Todesschmerzen,
So bist du meine Tochter nimmermehr.
Verstossen sei auf ewig,
Verlassen sei auf ewig,
Zertrümmert sei'n auf ewig
Alle Bande der Natur
Wenn nicht durch dich!
Sarastro wird erblassen!
Hört, Rachegötter,
Hört der Mutter Schwur!


English Translation of "Der Hölle Rache"
The vengeance of Hell boils in my heart,
Death and despair flame about me!
If Sarastro does not through you feel
The pain of death,
Then you will be my daughter nevermore.
Disowned may you be forever,
Abandoned may you be forever,
Destroyed be forever
All the bonds of nature,
If not through you
Sarastro becomes pale! (as death)
Hear, Gods of Revenge,
Hear a mother's oath!


Jan 11, '10 10:39 AM
for Miracle's friends & their friends and Miracle's family & their family

From Multiply 082: In a Pensive Mood...

After more than two weeks of vacation, I find myself in dire need of some physical exercise. To be confined to a monotonous routine of working and sleeping is the worst form of torture there is. Okay, I did have the much-needed opportunity to read more books for my thesis but knowing that it's for the completion of that much-dreaded thesis work got me all pressured with note-taking on the side and making sure I understand the texts that my eyes follow. Such tedious work, really. But it will be a great exercise for me, an Iska, who will one day tread the path of a researcher. Never mind that my thesis project is not in any way connected to the Philippines per se, but I'm sure it'll be useful in the future, I hope.

The whole Christmas break had been a depressing one for me, with lots of inner conflicts stirring my mind into turbulence. It was supposed to be a season to rejoice, to forget one's worries, to spread love... But hey, what love? I've grown cold, indifferent, apathetic, remorseful. To confess, I have this almost insane desire to annihilate everything. Were I Kali, that war goddess clothed in blood, or Shiva, her husband, I could have easily brought about the destruction of the world. For what reasons, you ask? For the very reason that man has become wiser in his own eyes and strays from the wisdom, seeking to make life better but only making it miserable in the process. The world has become a living hell, the product of man's incessant abuses and foolishness.

I long for the mountains and the beaches I have visited in the past. I long for the squishy mud, the sudden cold and the eventual warmth I would feel after burying my feet under it. I long for the cool soft earth, the smell of the earth that gives me a renewed sense of being. I hate all the cemented ground. The whole stretch of EDSA, Quezon Avenue, major roads, and now even narrow ones. Why pave all with cement? When the hot glaring sun is out, we all suffer as if we were being baked inside an oven. To not be with nature indeed is bad, but to be with insensible creatures is even worse; it is hell.

I remember when I was a freshie, I loved walking from Kalay to the archery range during the months of January and February. Back then, the weather was cool and refreshing, with the sweet smell of plants perfuming the atmosphere. One big bonus is the presence of clouds which shield me (okay, us) from the hateful rays of the sun. Truly a delight to go for a walk, especially with occasional falling leaves--- the perfect way to fall in love. (But as you all know, dear readers, yours truly is unfortunately single.) And fall in love I did, with nature, naturally! (Now who needs a boyfriend? =P )

But now, it's all so different. I have to walk a long mile under the hot hot, ULTRA hot sun. Damn it! No cool winds to soothe my burning skin. No friendly clouds to block the sun. And no sweet rain with the smell of sweet earth, to accompany me in this cursed world. This really is the RED DUST, a place of torment, where every pleasure is mere illusion. Where is my paradise???

And yet here I am, thrown into this unregenerate world, forced to mingle with fellow humans, if they really ARE human beings. Methinks they are monsters with human flesh and human appearance. I have surely become a misanthrope. Or raher, I reverted back to being a misanthrope, the me before I started high school. It disgusts me now to even think that I changed into someone who LOVES people when I was in HS which lasted until the end of my freshman year in college. Now I'm just cynical, pessimistic, apathetic even. I can't help it. I want to get away from civilization, do as Thoreau did, do what Rousseau dreamed. But where? Where to start life anew? Seems like pretty much everything's been contaminated with the filth of lowly creatures who call themselves human beings. Myself included in this pathetic tirade.

So much as I would have liked to say that everything's back to normal (meaning I'm a student again which I love being), I will have to refuse to say so. I'm back to school, back to my beloved library with its collection of old dusty books, back to reading lots, back to the best learning environment (IMO), back to sleepless nights, back to meeting demands, back to wakinng up early in the morning... Yes, I'm back to normal. BUt I have to alienate myself from my environment for it has certainly become NOT normal.

Jan 5, '10 10:34 AM
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies

From Multiply 081: The Carlos Aureus Reading List

Got this list from http://aiscracker.com/?p=1485

I was searching the net for information concerning my beloved Prof. Aureus and I found this. It seems his taste tends to difficult reads, seeing here many historical, philosophical and scientific books, as well as novels that require an encyclopedic knowledge. I wonder if he has read any of Umberto Eco's books. (I am a big Eco fan and I'm surprised no work of his is included in the list.) I also notice that he missed out some of my fave writers like Dickens, Twain, Alcott, Soseki and Mishima. As usual, the dominant elements are Anglo-American with a few Filipino novels included though the absence of F. Sionil Jose is somewhat of a shock. (I haven't read any of his works but I know a European who has done so and he's pretty much impressed, even telling me that he can be considered for the Nobel Prize for Literature.)

I also question the inclusion of Hemingway. Really! With his boring realism and dull, oh-so-common prose??? He did reinvent the way a novel should be, something that can be read by everybody, but I just find that so boring.

Going through the list, I lament that the only Jew I find is Einstein. (Okay, I'm obsessed with the Jews, just that they're so admirable in their forbearance.) And why is it that there are no Muslim writers? Basho's haiku and the Tang Dynasty poets are nowhere in the list. Not even Rig Veda nor the Kama Sutra. (And I'm so tempted to add "The Perfumed Garden".) And no Japanese writer! What happens to the four GREAT literary works of China, one of which is "The Dream of Red Mansions", a great favorite of mine???

Still, it's interesting to know his literary tastes. I really should start reading "Canterbury Tales", "Divine Comedy" (I'll see if I can find a nice translated version), "Paradise Lost" and "Paradise Regained", the Dostoevsky novels (I hear they're great reads) and "In Search of Lost Time" (aka Remembrance of Things Past of which, after leafing through a few pages, I have the impression it can cure me of my insomnia LOL! But his prose is very beautiful, at times even lyrical.)

Highlighted works are what I've finished reading. Just note the difference in our taste. (I tend to go for extremely tragic and/or erotic novels. XD )

1. The King James Bible (or the Holy Koran)

2. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

3. The Surangama Sutra of Buddhism

4. Homer: The Iliad and The Odyssey

5. Virgil: The Aeneid

6. Cervantes: Don Quixote

7. Dante: The Divine Comedy (Three Parts)

8. Sophocles: The Oedipus Trilogy

9. The Bhagavad Gita (also read the Mahabharata and the Ramayana)

10. Goethe: Faust (Parts One and Two)

11. Plato: The Republic

12. Aristotle: Poetics

13. Lao Tse: Tao Te Ching

14. Saint Augustine: Confessions (also read The City of God)

15. Saint Thomas Aquinas: Summa Theologica

16. Chaucer: Canterbury Tales

17. John Milton: Paradise Lost

18. Malory: Le Morte D’Arthur

19. John Bunyan: Pilgrim’s Progress

20. Jonathan Swift: Gulliver’s Travels

21. Herman Melville: Moby Dick

22. James Joyce: A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

23. James Joyce: Dubliners

24. James Joyce: Ulysses

25. William Faulkner: The Sound and the Fury (also read As I Lay Dying)

26. Ernest Hemingway: For Whom the Bell Tolls (also read The Sun Also Rises)

27. Saint Thomas More: Utopia

28. Henry David Thoreau: Walden (also read Civil Disobedience)

29. Walt Whitman: Leaves of Grass

30. T.S. Eliot: The Waste Land (also read Tradition and the Individual Talent)

31. John Henry Cardinal Newman: Apologia Pro Vita Sua (also read The Idea of a University)

32. Joseph Conrad: Heart of Darkness (also read Lord Jim)

33. Beowulf

34. Pearl: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

35. The Venerable Bede: The Ecclesiastical History of the English People

36. Karl Marx: Das Kapital

37. W. B. Yeats: A Vision

38. W. B. Yeats: Collected Poems

39. George Bernard Shaw: Pygmalion

40. Bernard Lonergan: Insights

41. Nietzsche: Thus Spake Zarathustra

42. Manu: The Laws of Manu

43. Stephen Hawking: A Brief History of Time

44. Joseph Campbell: The Power of Myth

45. Harold Bloom: The Western Canon

46. James Hilton: Goodbye, Mr. Chips

47. James Hilton: Lost Horizon

48. Oswald Spengler: The Decline of the West

49. Thomas Hobbes: Leviathan

50. T. H. White: The Once and Future King

51. Jean Jacques Rosseau: Confessions (also read The Social Contract)

52. Flaubert: Madame Bovary

53. Victor Hugo: Les Miserables

54. James Frazer: The Golden Bough

55. Ovid: Metamorphosis

56. Dostoevsky: The Brothers Karamazov

57. Dostoevsky: Crime and Punishment

58. Thomas Mann: The Magic Mountain

59. Jose Rizal: Noli Me Tangere

60. Jose Rizal: El Filibusterismo

61. Albert Camus: The Plague

62. Jean Paul Sartre: Being and Nothingness (also read In Camera)

63. Franz Kafka: The Trial

64. Boetius: The Consolation of Philosophy

65. Honore de Balzac: The Human Comedy

66. Proust: Remembrance of Things Past

67. Jacques Derrida: Of Grammatology

68. Teilhard de Chardin: The Phenomenon of Man

69. Teilhard de Chardin: The Future of Man

70. Sir Isaac Newton: Principia Mathematica

71. Gilbert Highet: The Classical Tradition

72. Gibbon: The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

73. Marquez: One Hundred Years of Solitude

74. Ferdinand de Saussure: Course in General Linguistics

75. Foucault: Discipline and Punishment

76. Roland Barthes: Image Music Text

77. Walter Benjamin: Illuminations

78. Anton Chekhov: The Duel

79. Nick Joaquin: Prose and Poems

80. Gregorio Brillantes: The Distance to Andromeda and Other Stories

81. Confucius: The Analects

82. B. F. Skinner: Small Is Beautiful

83. The Tibetan Book of the Dead

84. Sigmund Freud: The Interpretation of Dreams

85. John Fowles: The Magus

86. Susan Brownmiller: Against Our Will

87. J. D. Salinger: The Catcher in the Rye

88. B. F. Skinner: Beyond Freedom and Dignity

89. Ezra Pound: Cantos

90. William Golding: Lord of the Flies

91. Will and Ariel Durant: The Story of Philosophy

92. Marshall McLuhan: The Medium is the Message

93. Edith Hamilton: Mythology (also read The Roman Way)

94. Albert Einstein: Relativity, the Special and General Theories

95. Nicolaus Copernicus: De Revolutionibus Orbium Coelestium

96. Charles Darwin: Origin of Species

97. Documents of Vatican 11

98. Thomas Malthus: Essay on the Principle of Population

99. Rachel Carson: Silent Spring

100.Martin Heidegger: Being and Time

Dec 27, '09 10:38 AM

for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies

From Multiply 080: Xmas

This time of the year, Christmas greetings abound. It sure gives a warm feeling having been wished a Merry Christmas even though to some, those are just empty words said to others for the sake of that damned formality. Still, I trust that those who do wish me a Merry Christmas wish me well and from the heart.

To be frank though, I am greatly bothered by the greeting "Merry Xmas". In high school mathematics, x is probably the most popular variable. Remember "let x be any number from blah blah to blah..."? X then can be any number. Why use x instead of Christ? Where does Christ figure in His supposedly special day?

Since I have been reading a lot about mythology since my childhood days, I know that some scholars believe that the story of Jesus Christ is derived from the cult of Mithra, the sun god who himself died and was resurrected. Just happens that his birthdate is December 25. We know that the Catholic church incorporated many pagan stuffs into its system and this is one of it. (I have read somewhere that the true birthdate of Christ is around September. But it's just a speculation, and no real evidence has been established yet.)

But this I argue: as Christians, we believe in Christ. Otherwise we are not called as such. You may be a Catholic but bear in mind that Catholicism started from Christianity. Catholics believe in Christ, do they not? So if you believe in Christ, it follows that He is important in your life. Therefore, on His special day, one shouldn't replace His name with the variable X.

Next year, I hope to receive decent Christmas wishes, with Christ's name fully spelled out. If you're not a Christian, well, it's understandable if you don't use Christmas, but to make it sound better, just say "Happy Holidays".

Dec 24, '09 10:08 PM
for everyone

From Multiply 079: Christmas 2009

This is probably the worst Christmas ever.

It's my second time to complete the Simbang Gabi but inside of me, I feel empty and cold. No, it's not because of the weather. It's just that something's missing in my life and I can't pinpoint exactly what it is.

And so I spend this year's first few hours of Christmas day in front of my laptop, downloading Yiruma's albums while playing some of his compositions. Then I suddenly remembered that I need a little shoujo magic so I went on to read manga (thanks to onemanga.com).

I sound so indifferent, I know. In fact, I AM. I don't know what has come over me. I have suddenly become a bit more contemplative when special days come. Lately, childhood memories have been flooding my mind. I have to write about them soon. It's a great opportunity for me to record my past.

Probably one thing that made me smile was a text message I received from a beloved teacher--- Prof. Aureus. It was such a big surprise for me. I thought that maybe he has forgotten about me. (Or maybe he did, just that he kept my number coz I sometimes ask him to translate something for me.) Anyway, since I do like him so very very much, it makes me feel good to be wished a Merry Christmas. And I replied to him--- in LATIN mind you! (I hope we get to meet again soon. I'd really love to converse with him in Latin.)

That's al for now. I'll be writing something important again. I keep forgetting about it but there's always tomorrow right? Still the procrastinator that I am. HMPH!

Dec 24, '09 1:25 PM
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies

From Multiply 078: Best Week

December 14 (Monday): I attended the symposium on evolution held at the College of Science Auditorium with Rufus. I wasn't required to do so, just that when I happened to pass by the tarp the week before and seeing that my beloved idol Prof. Maria Serena Diokno would deliver a lecture, I just couldn't resist. Dr. Perry Ong was also there, as well as Prof. Michael Tan (I am an avid fan of his column in PDI), and of course, my super cool STS prof Sir Fidel Nemenzo, with his suave and sexy voice (as usual) and his superb summaries of the lectures. (I am so sorry to say this but I didn't listen to the Economics prof simply because I had great difficulty deciphering what he was saying and I couldn't quite follow his power point presentation.) SUPER KUDOS TO MA'AM DIOKNO who elicited howls of laughter from the audience with the ff. quote taken from a HS history textbook: Nanganganak ng aso ang aso; ang ibon ay ibon din; ang unggoy ay nanganganak ng unggoy. Kaya hindi maaaring magmula ang tao sa unggoy. She never disappoints. In fact, one gets to learn something new from her every time she's out in front to discuss something. Never mind the fact that she seems to be not very techie though she's got a neat Macbook.

First time ever to eat Long Island's pasta. I ordered anchovies and tuna. At P55, I don't think it's cheap with the small serving and wait, where is my tuna???

December 16 (Wednesday) Watched "Haikhikan '09" (a.k.a. Faculty Follies) with Louis. Ma'am Chei is so SEXY!!! Sir Manila's got such a nice body. Prof. Ramos was funny, he's so cute, acting like a zombie with a giraffe stuffed toy on his shoulder. I had fun watching the profs perform on stage. One thing I notice, though, is that they played "Nobody Nobody but You" countless times that even at home, that stupid song was playing inside my head. Worst case of LSS ever.

December 18 (Friday) Lantern Parade!!! I discovered a fruit shake stand near the Main Lib thanks to Nori-chan. Had two cups of carrot shake. (At P20, it's cheap and good!) Fooled around with Mimi's purple wig while people cast us weird glances haha!!! Such a good bonding time, not to mention a cool way to relax after all the heavy workload the previous weeks.

Ate a quick early dinner (actually snack LOL!) at a makeshift tent near the Carillon Tower. I had tipid meal #8 (P35 rice, pork BBQ, 1 pc. fried siomai). The BBQ was good, the siomai so NOT!

Had to run straight  to church afterwards. Good thing I arrived at exactly 8pm for teh Simbang Gabi.

Dec 20, '09 10:47 AM
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies

From Multiply 077: Ecological consciousness

from: http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20091219-242858/Ecological-consciousness

By Randy David
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 02:30:00 12/19/2009

Filed Under: Climate Change, Environmental Issues
ECOLOGICAL CONSCIOUSNESS is the awareness that nearly every aspect of our way of life affects the environment so decisively that we now must choose whether to let the effects go unchecked, or we change the way we live in order to arrest the damage.

It is the growing awareness that the planet Earth is a finite place we share with other peoples—and indeed with all living creatures—and that if, by our ignorance and carelessness, we destroy it, we thereby also destroy ourselves.

The basic science we learn in grade school tends to lull us into a form of complacency that blinds us to ecological problems. My earliest recollection of carbon dioxide is that it is food that plants need, along with sunlight and water. The plants absorb CO2 from the atmosphere, and, in return, they give out the oxygen that humans need. Such, we are taught, is the wonderful self-regulating design of Nature.

Yet today we are told that this relationship between humans and their environment has not been going well at all. We are told that we have been releasing dangerous levels of greenhouse gases like CO2 into the atmosphere as a result of our furious effort to improve the conditions of human existence, and that this has led to global warming.

What seems obvious to scientists, however, is never always obvious to the rest of us. There is a reason for this. While the environment is directly affected by human activity, it does not have the capacity to directly “communicate” with humans.

Nature and man do not share a common language; humans hear messages from the environment only in their own human languages. On top of this, whatever messages the environment transmits are necessarily filtered by the multiple cultures and belief systems, and varying systems of cognition that characterize human societies.

Thus, natural phenomena like unusual rainfall levels, strong typhoons, rising seas, droughts, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, etc. are viewed in different lights and treated with varying degrees of concern by different societies. The responses they trigger are never the same. Indeed, even within the same society, these phenomena are not uniformly interpreted by the different institutional spheres of society.

Environmental issues do not have the same resonance in law, religion, the economy, and politics, as they often do in science. Not even the most modern society can be said to have a central nervous system that is specifically attuned to changes in environmental conditions, and can control societal response. Indeed, even in an advanced country like the United States, the politicians and businessmen differ with the scientists in their appreciation of the urgency of global warming.

In view of this, it is a wonder how anyone can imagine that the 193 nations meeting in Copenhagen for the UN-sponsored summit on global climate change could arrive at any agreement on the dimensions of the problem, its causes and solutions, or, much less, on what every nation must do, when, and by what means, in order to confront the problem. It does not require any sophistication to think that every definition of the problem of climate change, every piece of knowledge that is advanced, far from being objective, is implicated in a system of power.

This is not to deny the existence of the problem. But if global warming were the self-evident and objective phenomenon it is supposed to be, there would be little negotiation about its magnitude, origins, and the shape and direction of the requisite global response. There would be no need to call urgent attention to its gravity. But the poor and the rich countries meeting in Copenhagen precisely cannot agree on what every nation needs to do to check global warming, and who will pay for the adjustments that must be made, because there is no common understanding—and there never will be—of the sources, scale, and seriousness of the problem.

The United States blames China for being the biggest producer of carbon dioxide emissions since 2006. China counters that America remains the largest CO2 producer per capita and has been so since it became an industrial power. American scientists charge that massive deforestation occurring in the poor countries is releasing more CO2 into the atmosphere than all the combined vehicles and industrial plants in the world. Taking their cue from this, rich countries are offering money to help the poor countries stop deforestation. On the surface, this looks like an altruistic solution to a global problem. But critics have accused rich nations of trying to buy their way out of binding commitments to slash their own carbon emissions. Climate change is clearly not a simple scientific issue. It is embedded in political and economic questions, and is routinely used by countries as a proxy in the global struggle for political and economic supremacy.

Yet none of this diminishes the value of ecological consciousness. Indeed, it only highlights the need for every nation and every individual, as citizens of this planet, to examine their respective ways of life with a view to altering those practices that destroy the earth’s long-term viability as a place in which to live. The earth is a dying planet, but, alas, we cannot hear its gasping or recognize its morbid state except through the narrow bounds of our all-too-human sensibilities. There is no cure for this other than to allow the earth’s tears to flood our consciousness. Then, hopefully, we may see that the environment is not the other; it is us.

* * *
public.lives@gmail.com

Dec 20, '09 9:44 AM
for everyone

From Multiply 076: Simbang Gabi

Nagsimula kagabi ang Simbang Gabi na nakagawian na ng karamihan sa mga Katoliko sa Pilipinas. Isa itong tradisyon kung saan 9 na magkakasunod na gabi ay nagdaraos ng misa ang simbahan bilang paghahanda sa nalalapit na Araw ng Kapanganakan ng Tagapagligtas na si Hesukristo. Ngayong ikalawang gabi, mga alaala ng aking mga kaisipan sa aking kabataan ang pumuno sa aaking isipan.

Inaamin ko na hindi naman talaga ako tapat na Katoliko. Malaki nga ang impluwensiya ng Katolisismo sa akin, pagkat mula kabataan ay napaliligiran ako ng mga taong katoliko--- ang aking ina, mga kapatid at yaya ay pawang mga nananampalataya sa relihiyong ito. (Ang aking ama naman ay isang Buddhist pero hindi siya relihiyoso.) Naaalala ko pa noong bata pa ako, ang Bibliya ang unang importanteng libro na binabasa ko. (Siguro dahil na rin sa kakulangan ng libro sa aming tahanan kung kaya't naisipan kong buklatin ang kopya ng aking ina. Paboritong paborito ko noon ang Genesis at Revelations, iyong huli ay panakot sa sarili, mas nakakatakot pa sa mga pelikulang horror.) Naaalala ko rin ang kagustuhan kong maging pari dahil sobra akong nahatak ng Bibliya sa murang edad na 7 taon. Pero ang pangarap na iyon ay mananatiling ganoon lang--- isang pangarap. Nang malaman ko na hindi pala pwedeng magpari ang kababaihan, hindi talaga ako makapanilwala. Bakit naman lalaki lang ang pwede??? Bawal bang madre (ang akala ko dati, ang madre ay babaeng pari) ang magmisa?

Iyan ang unang tanong na sumagi sa aking isipan. Lumaki ako sa isang paamilyaang lubos ang pagpapahalaga sa mga lalaki habang mababa ang tingin sa babae. Nang malaman ko ang tungkol sa pagbabawal sa mga kababaihan na magmisa ay nagising ako sa hindi pantay na pagtingin sa 2 kasarian. Masakit pero iyan ang sabi ng simbahan. Tanggap ko na sana (karaniwan kasi ang pagtanggap na walang panunuri), kaso may nabasa akong tungkol sa isang profeta na babae, si Devorah o Deborah sa ibang versyon. Dito nagsimula ang pag-iisip ko kung tama ba ang turo ng Simbahang Katolika. (Mula pa dati ay hindi ko kinwestiyon kung maay Dios ba o wala dahil malinaw na malinaw sa akin na totoong may Diyos.)

Dahil dito, nagpasya akong maging isang misyonera na lamang. Isang independent na misyonera na walang koneksiyon sa mga katoliko pero ang aking magiging batayan ay ang Bibliya. Mahaba ang kwento pero paiikliin ko na lang. Nang lumawak ang kaalaman ko tungkol sa mundo, napaisip ako kung Kristiyanismo ba ang totoong relihiyon. Siguro sa karamihan oo, maganda kasi ang mga turo nito. Pero kung titingnan natin ang iba pang mga relihiyon, mabubuti rin ang turo nila. Ang tinutukoy ko ay ang mga kasulatan. Sa aking palagay, mga interpretasyon ng mga tao ang nagpagulo sa mga kasulatang ito. May mga motibo at may mga propagandang kahalo, at hindi binibigyan ng ganap na atensyon ang espirituwal na aspekto ng relihiyon na dapat ay pangunahing gawain nito. Bilang isang sanay sa indibidwalismo, napagpasyahan kong maging isang eklectica na walang kinikilingan. Kumbagaa, para na rin akong "lapsed Catholic". Madalas nga lang naapagkakamalan kong ateista, pero nililinaw ko dito na hindi ako ateista, ako'y naniniwala sa Diyos, hindi nga lang sa diyos ng kung anu-anong relihiyon. Kung baga, personal ang konsepto ko ng Diyos, at personal din ang aking pananampalataya.

Siyempre, nanatili sa akin ang karamihan sa mga turo ng Kristiyanismo. Naniniwala ako kay Hesukristo, kung itatanong ninyo. Pero hindi ako naniniwala na nakuha ng mga larawan at mga scultures ang totoong anyo Niya. Personal din ang pananampalataya ko sa kanya at iba sa mga Kristiyano.

Ano naman ang kinalaman ng mga ito sa Simbang Gabi?

Oo nagsisimba ako. Pero may mas malalim na dahilan kung bakit ako nagsisimba. Kung may isang magandang kontribusyon ang mga katoliko, ito'y sa arte, musika at arkitectura. Napakainteresante para sa akin ang iba't ibang itsura ng mga simbahan, ang pagkakatayo, mga nilalaman, paano ang interpretasyon sa mga eksenang nasa Bibliya, atbp. At gustong gusto ko ang efekto ng echo sa musikang eklesiastikal.

Dec 16, '09 11:04 AM
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies