The Day You Went Away: MARCH 24, 2015

Yesterday marks a sad event in my life. The week before, before I left for Bohol, plans of you leaving us, leaving me, reached me. The suddenness of the events that followed the passing away of your daughter has really affected me after all, through you who have grown frail and weak. Maybe I do not know the sentiments of a mother losing her only child, but I wonder, have you thought of me? We meet on earth with no blood relations, but you have been a mother and a confidante to me, light of my life, savior of this poor wretched child almost doomed to rot in hell.

So yesterday, your bags were already packed when I reached home. I couldn't even have the time to really absorb much of what's going on, having been tired and lacking much sleep lately. Fears and anxieties crawl into my being, for some weird reason, Bach's Chaconne plays inside my head.

I shall forever mark the date. March 24, 2015. I couldn't even cry, perhaps my tears have all dried up from constantly worrying about you. There's only the same feeling I felt when my grandfather died twelve years ago. No tears, just a feeling of sadness that seemed quite foreign and yet a peaceful sadness.

On the way home inside the car, I watched the crescent moon in the sky. Shaped like a smile, it seemed to mock us humans for our frailty and for us mortals giving in to emotions. And yet it's the same feeling I had back then when, aspiring for someone's love so much to the point it hurt, I watched the moon being covered and uncovered by clouds. That same moon, oblivious to heartaches... I hope she smiles down on us and comforts us when the heart longs for the happy past.

And now, a favorite song from the 90's automatically plays in my head when I think of you.

Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone

How could I carry on

The day you went away

Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say

Been crying since the day

The day you went away

Please take care now, and always know that despite the distance, you will always be loved. You will always remain as the light of my life.

______________________________________

Today is supposed to be a happy day at the workplace. Yet how can I be happy knowing that starting today I will come home and feel your absence around?