The Lexus and the Olive Tree: Understanding Globaization

There was a time after graduating college that I contemplated on taking up foreign service to make better use of my language skills and also because many friends think I am most apt for the job not only because I know many things about people and different cultures aside from their languages as a result of frequent traveling (now ruined by Covid-19 ) and because above all, I handle issues in a very diplomatic way. On the other hand, I know in myself that I know very little about world history and especially about the Balkans, Central Asia, and other not so prominent geographic spaces but which contribute to the unfolding of world history. There were some points in my life that I would buy books on globalization to better understand the concept as a process, a system, and a phenomenon, and supplement it with books on related topics. Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat was very much talked about then and it was this reason that I probably bought every book of his that I could find in Booksale.

Getting TLATOT for only PHP75 is a big bargain!

I started reading this book only last year and finished it last month, but I was reading stuff in between (not to mention doing a mountain of chores and income-generating activities coz a girl's gotta earn her own money and doesn't live off others). I instantly liked Friedman because of his accessible writing style which betrays his playful and witty mind, but then it changed toward the end when it became more apparent that he is a proud American who, although aware of globalization's negative consequences, would rather insist on this US-led system because of the "benefits" that the world will reap from it. As an advocate of free market capitalism, he voices out the importance of competition and the ability to be agile in today's rapidly changing environment. To give him credit, he does raises interesting and some valid points but I still have my reservations.

The book is comprised of 20 chapters, each detailing our journalist's experiences with the globalizing world as he moves around and talks to the rich and powerful shapers of world events, in one way or the other, directly or indirectly since we are all connected more than we realize. So below are some key takeaways/ insights:

1. Globalization is THE new international system, characterized by both clashes and homogenization of civilizations, environmental disasters and rescues, triumphs of liberal free market system and the backlash against it, the durability of nation-states and the rise of enormously powerful non-state actors. And an important thing to remember is the role of CYBERSPACE/INTERNET.

2. The Lexus here is a symbol for modernization, prosperity, privatization of economies; in more concrete terms, the lexus represents material improvements in the form of global markets, financial institutions, computer technologies. Olive trees refer to the abstract things that root us--- sense of belonging, individuality, personal rituals, relationships, sense of confidence and security. 

3. Golden Arches Theory banks on the global popularity of the famous fast food franchise and influenced by liberal IR tradition. It states that no two countries that both have McDonald's have ever fought a war against each other ever since they each got their McDonald's. It's funny how shortly after the first edition was published, NATO bombed Yugoslavia. (Mine is the 2000 edition.) Then again closer to home and considering recent events, we see that GAT is a very weak theory with China being aggressive (or for some scholars, assertive... But maybe its assertiveness is read by outsiders who do not have to contend with direct conflicts with this gluttonous panda) to its southern neighbors with which it shared centuries of relations. I also remember when I was still an employee of a multinational food company around 2014 or 15 and suddenly Russia and Ukraine had a fight over Crimea. I remember that time well because we had a Ukrainian visitor with whom I spoke Russian, realizing later on that Russian and Ukrainian are actually very different. The awkward thing is, at that time, Ukrainian nationalism was seen to be very fierce despite their small size compared to a giant Russia so the visitor would remind me that the two are different languages and indeed they are. I have to add that US played a role in this crisis because as usual it keeps on interfering with others' internal affairs and as usual it succeeded in throwing away then Ukrainian President out of the country. (*rolls eyes)

4. Friedman does acknowledge the ill effects of globalization, the thing he absolutely supports. So in this book he points out the things required to survive and compete and still emerge as successful. His core suggestion is by INTERNET DOCTORING which is essentially helping companies be e-ready. And since we also cannot leave out the nation-states, there is a need that a country has excellent infrastructures, the hardware as Friedman calls it, as well as robust regulations and law enforcement. He emphasizes the role of the Electronic Herd (i.e. technocrats) as primary source of capital. And despite having being the US's ally in this part of the world to contain China, the US has made little to help build this hardware that we need. So now that our President breaks off ties (partially) with US and pivots to China, I sure am more content. Because as Friedman himself says there are freemarket democrats and there are also freemarket kleptocrats and the latter are far more in number in my poor country.

5. Aside from world politics, I also pick up some useful insights for personal development:

- Beat the system at its own game

- The fast eats the slow

- Openness can lead to rapid growth (just look at China since 1979)

- You don't earn a living, you learn a living (page 447 talks about constant upskilling)

- When you are at the top, be generous and benign to keep your position

  The last quotes from Paul Schroeder: "If you look at history, the periods of relative peace are those in which there is a durable, stable and tolerant hegemon who does the adjusting and preserves the minimal necessary norms and rules of the game. And that hegemon always pays a disproportionate share of the collective costs, even foregoes opportunities for conquest or restrains itself in other ways, so as not to build up resentments and to make sure the system stays tolerable for others." (That hegemon is without a question the US. But these days it should also apply to China and China knows it, that's why it is focusing on its soft power's "peaceful rise" alongside hard power, in a move to tap into smart power.)

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

“Fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free.”

A former officemate had always urged me to watch The Shawshank Redemption knowing how much I love to bash institutions. It took me more than five years to do so. I guess this vacation is doing me good because finally I am able to relax and take my time catching up on the things I put in the backseat while I was busy working for private companies and getting undercompensated and unappreciated because of cost-cutting and you know, office politics. Time flies so fast and in two months’ time I will be back to my beloved country.

That office friend sure knows my tastes. The movie doesn’t disappoint. The whole time I was watching, I was put in a rollercoaster ride with different feelings thrown and and with the suspense killing me. Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) is a banker who is wrongly sentenced to life in the Shawshank Prison for murdering his wife and her lover. He just so happens to have passed by the house of the other man with his gun and some evidences pointing to him not to mention that he has a very good motive for the murder. In prison, he is quiet and keeps to himself, and attracts the attention of a group of homosexuals called “The Sisters” who rape him many times. (At this point, I think about the many innocent people languishing in jail for the crimes they do not commit while the real criminals are out in the open without a conscience and without guilt that other people are paying for their evils. Such is the reality of the fucked up justice system and the equally fucked up investigative units.)

What is really admiring in Andy is that despite the many sufferings and hardships, he still is able to hold on to his humanity. He offers his financial services which alters his fate. Helping a guard captain named Byron Hadley gets him protected from the Sisters when, after Andy is almost killed, Bogs is beaten hard and is left crippled and transferred to another ward. The reward he wants for helping Hadley is for his prisonmates who work on the roofings to enjoy buckets of cold beer in summer, a brief but unforgettable feeling of freedom sweeping over the prisoners, as narrated by Red (Morgan Freeman).

Andy with Brook in the prison library which Andy helped to improve knowing that books and knowledge empowers.

Andy is then moved to the prison library where he initiate many changes including asking for funds relentlessly until the state finally accedes to his requests. There he works with Brook Hatlen who eventually is granted parole but realizing he cannot live in the world outside of prison as he “has been institutionalized” as Red would say it, he commits suicide. (I cried on the scene where he seems overwhelmed by how much things have changed as he crosses the street trying not to get hit by cars. Tears fell when he was mocked while working as a bagger in a supermarket. As Red says, inside the prison Brook felt important but in society at large, he is dispensable. Broke my heart big time.) Anyway, Andy’s transfer to the library is just a pretext as the hypocritical warden Samuel Norton wants to make a slave out of him to help him with his “projects” involving prison labor and bribery. It is then that Andy starts his move to launder money to an account of a fictitious man named Randall Stephens.

I cried in this part where Brooks feels trapped in the outside world after spending most of his life inside the prison

Almost twenty years has passed and there is a new inmate named Tommy Williams who eventually learns of Andy’s crime and shares that in one prison he has been to, there was a man who actually murdered Andy’s wife and the lover. Andy requests for another trial from Norton after learning this, with the assurance that Tommy whom he helped educate, will testify to his innocence. But Norton dismisses the request and orders Hadley to kill Tommy, covering the murder as justification for escape attempt. Andy’s patience of twenty years pays off when finally having the opportunity he escapes with Norton’s documents from prison and makes his way to Zihuatanejo, where he plans to spend the rest of his life. He gets the money under the name of Randall Stephens and sends the money laundering books to the newspaper. His revenge finally in motion a la Count of Monte Cristo. Hadley is arrested while Norton commits suicide before the police can get to him.

After many years, Red received parole and struggles to live outside of prison like Brook. In fact he comes to the place where Brook has been and also worked in the supermarket as bagger. Finally tired of it all, he leaves and looks for Andy by first going to the oak tree in Buxton where Andy proposed to his wife. Then he travels to Texas and finally reunites with his friend.

I just feel so relieved that this one ended well. This movie is a must-see to open the eyes of everyone of the struggles of convicts once they go out of prison. I really don’t care about the rich who get locked up, my main concern is for those who are wrongly convicted because the years spent in prison one can no longer get back. I remember Lav Diaz’s “Norte” movie which also has this theme, wherein the educated-turned-madman kills a lady but it is the poor worker who serves jailtime thus missing the time that should have been spent with his family.

Some important quotes I wouldn’t want to forget:

Andy: "The funny thing is, on the outside I was an honest man straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to become a crook." (Andy on realizing how he is being used by Norton for the latter’s illegal activities.)

Andy: "My wife used to say I'm hard man, you know, like a closed book. Complained about it all the time. She was beautiful. God, I loved her. I just didn't know how to show it, that's all. I killed her (...) I didn't pull the trigger, but I drove her away. That's why she died because of me, the way I am." (Andy recounts how guilty he is for his wife’s death even though he is not the one who killed her.)

Andy: "You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory." (Andy shares to Red where he wants to retire.)

Red: "Some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is much more drab and empty that they're gone." (on Andy’s escape from prison)

Red: "Terrible thing to live in fear (...) All I want is to be back where things make sense, where I won't be afraid all the time."

***************************************

A warm place with no memory… pretty much what I also desire for myself to forget the past three years full of sadness and unfortunate events. How many poets have wished for the same especially in moments of heartbreak?

给我一杯忘情水， 还我一夜不流泪… (Coz lately I have been missing him so much it hurts and I think of the few times he had been nice and sweet to me although I know that I shouldn’t. He is free to flirt with girls now. I should just stay away because my game is always about loyalty and respect with no room for flirting. We’re just too different in that respect.)

Three Months and Going Strong

More than three months of living away from my beloved country opened my eyes to the harsh realities of the world and when such things happen, you begin to lose faith in humanity. I found some Filipino groups here (not communities as they are very far from the concept of community as source of support) and it breaks my heart to learn that what they say about Filipinos trying to take advantage of fellow Filipinos is actually true. I find this a big disgrace since Filipinos are always known for being warm and hospitable but as it turns out it is exclusively for foreigners. Very few would be happy to help fellow Filipinos, nor can they find peace when they know of other Filipinos' success. This is a far cry from the early overseas Chinese who were able to organize themselves and form associations with the full understanding that in union there is strength and that their cultural survival is very important, as well as the maintenance of ties with the Motherland. Of course the stories abound and such organizations are not without difficulties and not without shameless scrupulous persons who take advantage of immigrants' vulnerability.

I got to know some Filipinos from three main groups. The first is from a group of Filipinos who received scholarships to study here, with whom I have maintained contact. The second is a small group of INC adherents whom I got to know for only a short period of time. The third group is actually not a group but rather scattered Filipinos I met as I continue my journey. I have interacted more with the first group. They are mostly fresh graduates predominantly from DLSU though some graduated from UP, ADMU, and a significant percentage from the Visayas. This group comes from rich families, as they share their stories of having to shoulder their own plane fares to and from PH. Most of the UP students I got to know share experiences which I also observe in other persons in the same group: the rich ones are super liberated and the girls post a lot of sexy bikini photos on their Whatsapp and Facebook. We just laugh it off as something shallow because it is very much clear that they went abroad to find foreign men. White Lovers as we call them. Interestingly, most of the UP students I got to meet are pretty much homebodies like me and we are in the same age group so definitely we do not belong to the latter batches who mostly are rich (Like, do you even see students from poor rural areas in UP? So many things have changed), and prefer going solo when travelling. That just saves a lot of energy. Imagine having to travel with a bunch of annoyingly flirty people who just cannot live without partying. I don't even understand that culture and for me it is repulsive. Why would you pay for something that will make you feel uncomfortable? No thanks. I am happy exploring on my own or simply staying in my flat reading books, watching movies, or simply cooking.

Also, the complaints I hear whenever they tell me stories vary. For instance, these DLSU people form cliques of their own and they IGNORE everyone else. I met only one DLSU graduate who was different and who can mingle with different types of persons. She likes partying and drinking and is quite liberated, telling me about her sexual exploits even! She is an open book and it is clear that she is like that because she values connections for her "future projects".

When the first group encountered some problems with the regional government, instead of demanding transparency and accountability they would prefer to keep silent. One even said, "do not bite the hands that feed you". So poor of him to have poor intellect with very little understanding of how the world works. Rich countries do not offer scholarships just because they are feeling generous. They do so for many reasons. One, the local population is stupid. (Just imagine USA... without the immigrants, it will die because the immigrants especially from Israel, Middle East, and East Asia contribute to the betterment of society with their bright ideas. As in the past when the immigrants provided backbreaking labor to build the infrastructures, so too now they are the source of the US' intellectual capital.) Second, they need to coopt target nationalities to have "allies" in the countries. I have always wanted to study abroad to gain experience but then I am thinking if I get brainwashed then I won't be able to serve my country well. So, no thanks. How many Filipino scholars have continued to fight for the marginalized after studying abroad? I even have a personal experience of being taken advantage of BY A PROFESSOR who was a product of Cambridge University no less. And my ex, a product of Australian education system, idolizes the West so much that I question his loyalty to the country. He in turn points out that I am partly Chinese and at present when China is becoming stronger economically and militarily, I often get insults from him. Like, duh. I always tell him that I am never a dog of anyone and that my principles and my beliefs are my own and not imposed on me by friends in the media or any "influential" person in the West. It doesn't matter how many years I spent in formal schools, I am able to retain my own self-identity because yes I attend classes, but this autodidactic is an explorer who refuses to be limited by books and the four walls of the classroom, more so by the media which is EXTREMELY BIASED AND UNBALANCED because for all we know they are paid by the rich and the powerful (Hello, Rappler and PDI!). So anyway, the third reason why rich countries attract bright students from other countries is for their own locals to experience interculturality and multiculturalism without having to spend bucks to travel abroad.

So it's funny that in the 19th century it was the Filipino middle class who initiated the reforms although it should be noted that history has been replete with small rebellions led by the poor who could no longer bear that injustices brought on them.  At present, I do not know what educators teach the students because their view of democracy is limited only to "majority wins" and to elections. I am even more disappointed to find that there is a UST professor among them who cautioned against sending a letter to the regional government and this UST professor studied abroad and teaches history. I shudder to imagine what she teaches to her students! I am equally disappointed in a UP professor among them who is so cowardly I lost whatever respect I initially had for her. But oh well, she is also a product of western universities so "do not bite the hand that feeds you" applies. I talked to her once about this in the hope of encouraging her to move but cowardice produces illogical excuses. I stopped talking to her after that.

The second group shares almost the same views as I do and they are composed of OFWs who work as domestic workers. I had the honor of being invited to their Sunday worship. Before that, we exchanged experiences and ideas on PH politics and how it is affecting the lives of ordinary people. Most educators focus a lot on the state and on "important" people without giving a damn f*ck about those at the bottom. I got to know more about INC stand on many things because of them. Apparently they don't like Rappler and ABS-CBN for the same reason I have--- they find these two media VERY biased and very elitist. I have been reading Rappler for the past few years but honestly I find it very bad journalism. The "journalists" cannot even write decent articles, and what is equally insulting is that it is very clear that it reflects bourgeois sentiments. What do we expect when the journalists themselves come from the rich??? And their bias is more obvious these days because of their anti-Duterte stand. Like, Rappler, honestly, does the Liberal Party or maybe that grand PH secret leader finance your operations??? So okay I also do not like Duterte but GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE! Here finally we have someone with political will but let's HELP instead of continuously criticizing him! (I am a teeny weeny bit pro-EJK, but I also want to see THE MASTERMINDS punished, those AT THE TOP and not just the poor. In fact, I want all public officials guilty of corruption to BE PUBLICLY EXECUTED to serve as warning to the future leaders and to remind them that their duty is to SERVE the Filipinos and not to destroy the country. Yes I have come to such extreme belief because PH politics is beyond hope and the society is full of brainwashed cowards.)

The third group are also domestic workers who just do not give a damn about what's going on. They only care about themselves and keep on comparing how others are faring. This is the envious group, as I label them. They're not as interesting as the second group but I would also listen to their stories of hardship and loneliness, including their sexual adventures here.

And speaking of romantic relationships, the ex has been asking me if I was dating anyone here. Stupid question. Until now he insults me because he does not know me well enough. Poor guy probably met shallow women all his life that he finds it hard to accept that there are strong independent women out there who can live abroad without men. Never compare me with other girls. I travel to learn more about myself and the world we live in, not to flirt with other men. Like, ewwww, I've had enough of stupid men in my life. I am on a vacation so I am supposed to enjoy and not bring hell into my life.

Indescribable 2016

The last day of 2016, I spent most of the day alone working on my INC's for the simple reason that I do not want to be stressed out early in 2017 when I should be preparing for another hardcore semester. I really am excited but then again whenever I think of the many times I fell sick this year, the many times I thought of either giving up on my dream to obtain an MA degree or resigning from the present company where I have learned a LOT, sometimes I wonder where everything is headed to. This year life presented me with many paths, provided me with glimpses to many possible trajectories in my life as I am nearing 30 (and yet I still feel like a high school student... some people really don't change much).

I don't know how best to describe 2016, except that probably within this year that again, the mind expanded so much. In addition to that, I started to be a real social being, more social than I could ever have imagined. When before I used to do things alone, 2016 let me share some of life's moments with a special someone. (While I am tempted to again reminisce about the good and bad days, I will not. Not in this entry. I will reserve that for part 2 of my open letter.) When friends, especially male ones, used to reprimand me for being too cloistered, it is in 2016 when I finally let down my defenses. Those barbed wires limped, even the snipers became neglectful, the walls came tumbling down. (Two male friends, both who tried to get involved with me romantically, described my social defenses as such, that despite my warmth towards people, I really do not welcome anyone into my very private life.) And it was such an unforgettable experience because I matured socially and got to know about the opposite sex on a level other than mere friendship.

Probably due to my huge loss last year, I seemed to really have thrown everything to the winds this year. I joined strangers on a lecture expedition in Negros and learned a great deal about botany, wondering why the hell I didn't pursue it in college. (But then whenever I immerse in different disciplines I would often think that. Even so, my heart still belongs to languages. Such is the woe of a universalist, time and resources are the greatest hindrances so in the end, one shall content herself in having small bites of everything, like in a buffet.) The whole experience somehow made me ready for the year, a year marked by my return to the academe in the hope of finally getting an MA degree.

Mazu festivities in the streets

street play outside the Mazu Temple

I met relatives in Taiwan. Unlike our relatives here in PH, they were nice to me. They remind me of our relatives in HK who are so hospitable sometimes I felt like a prisoner because they always want to tag along with me wherever I go and I couldn't find enough me time. In Taiwan they only let me wander on my own for just four hours and I visited a temple and it was an auspicious day because they were celebrating the birthday of Mazu (天上聖母, Holy Heavenly Mother). I had to take care of my grandmother and also, people are always worried and I don't want them getting anxious. (But then they should know I can manage on my own. I speak fluent Mandarin and I am good at navigating new places. Sigh.) But I am thankful to them because they told me a lot of stories (my mom almost never tell stories about our relatives) and they treated me to a lot of wonderful food, foremost of which is the famous fragrant fried chicken sold in the sidewalks. YUM!

Wat Phra Mahathat in Ayutthaya, Thailand

The only other country I traveled to aside from Taiwan is Thailand. I booked my plane ticket following another episode of heartache and it was the day before I left for Baguio to join strangers on a hike to Mt. Ulap. I visited a former classmate A and was introduced to W. The three of us shared the same bed and it was a good thing I brought my sleeping bag with me so I didn't need a blanket and still retained my privacy somehow. The sleeping bag ate up half the space of my backpack so I was not able to shop around much which is a disgrace since most would go there to shop for clothes. I only bought a pair of Thai trousers and hankies. (#loser) But anyway, next time I go there, I'll have check-in luggage. HMP.

There just are too many things to do in Thailand and five days are not enough. I remember my former professors who told us about how images of the king are everywhere. Indeed they are, especially since King Bhumidol passed away in October this year. The plazas and monuments are always FULL of mourners in black. WOW! When I walked around Sriraj Hospital and visited some museums there, I discovered why. The king was instrumental in the rapid modernization of Thailand (and now TH surpasses PH in terms of infrastructure!!! They have a subway and an airport railway that's comparable to HK... I wanna cry)

2016 is also the time I finally got to go on solo trips to other places in Visayas aside from Bohol and Aklan. In addition to Negros, I visited Tacloban and Iloilo. Tacloban counts as my least favorite place to go to for the many bad experiences, except that trip also gave me sweet memories because he would always call me every night to check up on me. I almost drowned while bathing in a waterfalls; I didn't know there were deep parts. The horrors. I also hiked on my own, then guided by a kid mid-way who probably took pity on me. That hike resulted to a number of scars on my arms and legs which got office people panicking when they saw me with those scratches, and more so when I told them I went solo hiking. I got disappointed when arriving at Palo, the only heritage structure I saw was the church. I did visit Basey, Samar though and walking on San Juanico Bridge from Leyte to Samar was an experience I cannot forget. Little girl no more as I conquered my fears of crossing bridges on foot alone even though the structure was trembling every time vehicles would pass by. Also, this was my first time to rebook another ticket because I had to be at the office earlier than expected. My original plan of 10 days' leave was cut down to three, but it was all good because I badly wanted to go home already.

crossing San Juanico Bridge on foot

In Iloilo I attended a conference on history but quickly regretted doing so. Then again, my trip was not wasted because I finally saw my fourth baroque church here in PH. So there, I have now seen all four UNESCO heritage churches. So despite the heartaches and despite him not contacting me save for a few emails, I am happy to have achieved something significant this year. I cannot forget the people here in Iloilo. I should have accepted an invite years ago so I could have also visited Guimaras. When R comes back from Germany, I'll plan a trip there for us and hopefully go island hopping. I'll never forget the generous people here who took me in for two nights and even showed me around UP Miag-ao and dropped me off to my next destination which was two towns away or so. The least I could do was buy a tub of ice cream for the house owner's eldest who just turned 5. I was so heartbroken I wasn't thinking straight and before I could realize what I was doing, I said yes to an invitation to spend the night at a stranger's house. All I could think of was that there I was throwing my life to winds, as in a hardcore way.

Miag-ao Church in Iloilo, finally visited all four baroque churches included in the UNESCO heritage list

In Zamboanga City I was not able to wander around freely but then that special someone became sweet and took me on a motorcycle ride at night to see certain tourist spots like Fort Pilar and the City Hall which was made colorful at night because of its many lights. I am very thankful to him for driving me around so I guess one of my fantasies came true, which is to ride as a passenger on a motorcycle. I wish we could do that again, probably in Siquijor or maybe Masbate or Marinduque. Meeting his parents made me nervous but then his family was nice to me so I didn't have a hard time being with them. It's just that of course sometimes I am reminded of certain things and most of the time I wanted to cry but had to hold everything in. It helped that he was sweet while we were there and I will always cherish those moments we had.

Zamboanga Temple (a.k.a. Avalokiteshvara Temple)

In Zamboanga I met the friends of my mentor in historical research. Like her, they were all very friendly and amiable. One even told my fortunes, but I'm not telling anyone. She told me three things which are very true of me, and I didn't even drop hints of that when we were chatting. One thing that struck me was that she correctly said that I am suffering from chest pains and heartache. Okay, I really should try to meditate and calm down and not think about my love life too much. I read an article once that too much heartache can literally kill. Not now when my research has finally took off. Another important milestone is the discovery of a potential sanctuary where I can retire one day. The Buddhist Temple there looked inviting and it was my first time to attend a Buddhist mass while on a trip. (The other choice was a temple in Malabon where my dear great grandmother was cremated.) Unfortunately I wasn't able to visit a mosque. Boo.

Ipo Watershed

Where do broken hearts go? Probably drifting off to nowhere. Those times when I was so heartbroken I would join strangers and go hiking. Still depressed over our breakup in June, I signed up to participate in a tree-planting activity and story-telling engagement with the kids in Ipo Watershed. It was some sort of field trip for me and I got to know more about watersheds and how we can protect them. I also remember feeling like it's been years since I last saw the skies so blue. Following days of nonstop crying, the trip proved to be helpful in making me see the beauty of the world. The last few days of October, feeling betrayed and again depressed, I said yes to traverse Mt. Ulap. I invited a newfound friend whom I met during the tree-planting activity. A humble fellow who seemed to have easily warmed up to me. In one of our stops, I took the opportunity to lie down on the grass and savor the smell of the mountains in the north. Again, I was reminded of the beauty of the world.

Mt. Ulap traverse

2016 also marks the second time I showed Indonesian exchange students around. The National Museum had a free movie screening of the documentary "Call of Our Forefathers" and I invited them to watch with me. It was about Muslim Mindanao and I figured they might be interested. We had lunch at Robinsons Manila where I treated them to Vietnamese fare at Pho Bac. We also went to Solidaridad Bookstore and then were stuck in heavy traffic going to Makati only to head back to QC.

textile exhibit at the National Museum

In October, I watched dance performances at the Asian Center in UP. Pesta Igal was organized by a professor with whom I share the same interests. If I weren't too shy I would one day engage him in a conversation to talk about dances and ethnic music.

Pesta Igal

Another highlight this year is that I finally was able to push through with my first Ramadan experience. I have been telling myself to join our Muslim brothers and sisters for this and this year I succeeded. But I only did semi-fasting because I badly need water. For five weeks I fasted which coincided with my summer classes. It was difficult of course but eventually I got the hang of it. ON the last day though, I almost fainted in the school grounds. I had to take a leave to rest and rejuvenate. The heartache, sleepless nights, sudden fasting, stress at work, and depression all played a part in this. I badly wanted to just die and get over everything. For two months after that, my appetite was greatly reduced, much to the surprise of many.

In terms of skills, I leveled up a great deal again in Excel because of my new roles in the office. I also took Persian language lessons and I am proud to say that in class, I was the only one who could converse with our prof during the oral exam. I also finally took formal Japanese lessons and was often complimented by my profs because I sounded like a Japanese according to them. My many years of watching anime paid off. LOL. Except that I still have a long way to go (I think). A classmate in Japanese offered to teach me how to play the guitar and even connected me to a guitar seller so now I am a proud owner of one meant for performing. Except it will be a long time before I summon the courage to play in front of many people. So now I content myself with playing Chinese songs on it. Sad again because who else listens to the same songs I listen to? Sigh.

So I guess it's still a year well spent. Next year I will take extra good care of myself so that I won't get sick a lot. My sick leaves were greatly decimated this year and I am very unhappy about that. Above all dreams, above all ambitions, health should always be on top of one's priority lists. Also, I have to make sure I take special care of my heart. It's too fragile and the younger me did all she could to protect it, even build strong defenses against people. But I guess, being in love is the most essential human experience there is. It tests your will, your faith, your strength of character. I may just turn out to be one of the weakest persons alive in that department. But okay, deep breath, super deep breath. Here's to 2017!

January 2016

The year opened without a message for myself as I was accustomed to do in the past. The tragedy that struck last year almost paralyzed me and 2016 seemed to be like conquering a new frontier without a compass. It is of course, no big problem for a drifter but having lost an important person whose support had been unwavering and highly encouraging can be devastating.

January is the start of a new chapter in my life. Ten years ago with wide-eyed innocence I stepped in UP Diliman with a big thirst and hunger for knowledge. My first two visits were with the Light. Now, as I embark on a three-year journey towards the fulfillment of a personal goal, I venture alone. I know I can make her proud in this new lease on academic life.

love walking on this road lined with tall trees in Mambukal Resort

solo time at the 7th falls

The first weekend was spent in Negros. It's been a dream to go around Visayas and I am happy that this early I was able to travel. Bacolod is a wonderful place with wonderful people. It's hard to fall in love at first because what greeted me when I entered the city was pollution and it felt as if I were in Metro Manila. But spending time in Mambukal Resort where I hiked up to the seventh falls to bathe with only a guide and then capping off my visit in the ofuro where I chatted with two nice ladies with whom I hitched a ride back to Bacolod, I was temporarily relieved of the depression. 

solo dinner at Mely's garden where I consumed a total of 500 g of seafood. Love the sinigang with batuan and the grilled stuffed squid is also heavenly.

Bacolod Capitol at night

Add to that my awesome stay at Danjugan Island where I got acquainted with bright botanists and where I made friends with some of them. I grew fond of a boy there who's still in his undergraduate studies and I can very well see that with his kindness and brightness he will surely succeed in life. I am also happy to have met cool people with whom I can be comfortable. I wouldn't have expected to share a room with two complete strangers but I did and I think it somehow created an unspoken alliance. Hopefully I get to join them in ethnobotany and other plant research.

honored to be with this wonderful group of botanists

lovely sunset at Danjugan Island which is too beautiful to make one sad

 My last day was spent in Silay but I didn't get to roam around much because I was still tired and sleepy. Nice to have talked to an owner of El Ideal who recommended to me more of Silay's attractions aside from their ancestral houses. We just visited two due to lack of time. I also was able to hear mass at the church but couldn't understand much because everything was in Hiligaynon.

El Ideal's version of pancit malabon: YUMMY!

To make the most of my time before I get busy starting the 3rd week of January, I joined a group of climbers for a hiking adventure. I have been telling my friends countless times that I want to hike up Mt. Manalmon and go on a sidetrip to San Miguel to see the ancestral houses there but everybody was too busy. This time, I didn't let the opportunity pass. We hiked up Mt. Gola first then Mt. Manalmon, both easy climbs. Then we did some caving in Bayucboc Cave. Really except there are some difficult parts there especially for a vertically challenged person like me. Last, we swam at Madlum River.

The following week, I found myself in Laguna. I was invited to an open birthday climb by a hiker who was celebrating his birthday. We became close when we were in Pulag in 2015. Anyway, this time we went falls trekking: Hulugan Falls, Talay Falls, and Hidden Falls. Talay Falls was where we set up rappelling equipment and of the non-experts I was the first to go so I suffered from minor slipping accidents twice. The slope was slippery and one time I slipped and fell into a pool. Thank God I was uninjured but it made my whole body sore for days after.

On the way home from Laguna to Cubao, we had the bad luck of having to stand for some 2 hours inside the bus. My legs were already tired and I badly wanted to sleep. Even so, I managed to take a hot bath at home before going to sweet sleep.

Also this January, I attended the UPFI showing of "Iisa", an indie film about how a typhoon disaster can bind together people regardless of whatever social groups. Bonus is having a groufie with the beautiful Maria Isabel Lopez who was very charming and game. She even taught me the correct angle for the photo! :D

2015 at a Glance

So finally I can relax and spend more time with my books.

It feels as if I were a student again this year as I managed several things at once. January to April, four months in all, were spent traveling on weekends to different provinces for heritage documentation. As an Iska, this is my way of offering my skills and services to my country without sacrificing my happiness. I almost resigned from my current job but quickly retracted at the last minute after achieving enlightenment. That stint in the US was very tempting, especially since it involved historical documents, but I had to let it go. My life is too full of regrets to add another bad decision.

I was also able to participate in an excavation in February. It was one of my dream sites and I would love to explore every place in Mindoro. I finally visited Singapore and got to stay at Four Seasons Hotel for three nights thanks to my cousin. I returned to Bohol this time as a volunteer in a mapping workshop. It was my first time to be a workshop facilitator.

(Many of my friends are pushing me to work in the public sector seeing how my skills can be put to good use. Then again, I would refuse without second thought. I don't trust the government and I don't want to be put in a situation wherein it would seem like I were working under the government when in fact I am working FOR the government. Ugh! If ever, there is only one project I'd like to be part of but I think I have to level up fast first.)

This year also marks the start of my active participation in the volunteering community. I signed up to distribute goods to schoolchildren in the Mountain Province and participated in painting a school in Botolan, Zambales. For the first, I am thankful to my team mates who donated milk for the kids. 

In June, the Light of my life disappeared, leaving me hurting everytime I think of her. (Just earlier today while at mass in UP, I thought of her and uncontrollable tears rolled down ny cheeks. It must be because the day after my birthday, my sisters asked me if I dreamed of her and I told them I have been dreamless for a long time and they wouldn't believe me yet unfortunately, it's true.)

Another childhood dream was achieved when I went to Mexico this year to attend a conference. Even though it was just for 10 days, it will remain as my most unforgettable trip. I never thought I had that courage to go that far on my own. After that, I felt like I could go anywhere in the world. (Okay I exaggerate. I will certainly have second thoughts about going to India on my own.)

A trip to HongKong was just what I needed in August to give in to wanderlust without killing the wallet that much. It was good to be with my cousins again and I will very fondly cherish my first bike adventure because they were with me. Also, I am surprised to find myself booking a flight just to attend a seminar abroad. While in HK, I made sure to finish my powerpoint presentations and scripts for my paper reader since the trip coincided with a conference where I was to present two papers, both on heritage documentation, a big leap from my 2014 paper which was on archaeology and animé.

September to November passed by with me too focused on work. Those months were uneventful except I finally found the time to attend concerts and plays. The whole month of November, I participated in the Asian Month and I submitted a few articles, mainly writing about extraordinary Thais who contributed to positive changes in Thailand. It was also during this time that I went out with friends again since prior to this, it was always hard to ask me out. I also assisted a friend archaeologist in touring his class around Binondo for two days and one day in the National Museum where I gave a short lecture on glass artifacts.

Today marks the end of a personal project. Plus I attended a seminar. It coincided with our company Christmas party in Pampanga but I chose to attend the seminar seeing it as more important. Walking inside UP Campus on a drizzling night, I took in the smell of wet earth, mushrooms, and frogs which I so miss. UP has been and will always be my sanctuary.

The remaining days this month will see me reading history books and writing papers in preparation for next year.

許士芬地質博物館

Since two days of my recent Hong Kong trip was allotted for a seminar at Hong Kong University, I also took the opportunity to visit the Geological Museum. I came in just in time for the seminar, having run all the way from HKU Station. This is a new MTR station BTW, and the last time I had to take the bus from the Hong Kong Museum of Medicinal Sciences. At least, being familiar with the place helped me a great deal or else I would waste time in trying to find my way around.

busy stores somewhere in Wan Chai

cute kid-friendly double-decked buses

 After the seminar, other Filipino participants and I roamed around the campus and even in Hong Kong side the following day to search for the Jose Rizal markers. We spent some time marveling at the rock collection inside the Stephen Hui Geological Museum. Being fond of rocks, I was overwhelmed and half serious, pleaded to my companions to leave me there to live for sometime so I can study each and every rock and mineral.

the lobby of the museum

some specimens

I wish we had a similar museum here in the Philippines. There could be one in NIGS inside UP Diliman, but I have not yet visited it. Will probably do so VERY soon. :)

Read: My Hong Kong 2015 trip

One Direction

So this month I finally decided to quit being a drifter. The years following my highschool graduation have been spent in fantasyland, with me not owning up to my shortcomings, thinking I would be okay and that I would do well in any field. The message from my peers and teachers in highschool about me being able to excel in anything has, despite the good intentions, drove me to be complacent and mediocre. While I found myself being good in the fields I entered, I knew deep inside that I could have done better.

Just that I got distracted a lot. Just that I loved too many things too much. The humanities--- the arts, literature, music; mathematics, science and technology, the outdoors. People often comment about how well-rounded I was. But they do not know how this has impeded me from achieving my true potential.

Take math and logic for instance. Those were my favorite subjects (alongside English) but come college I would choose foreign languages although many times I thought of shifting to Math or ComSci had my parents not been too strict with me when it comes to financial matters. Back then all I thought about was finishing my course to land a job, earn money, then travel the world.

But such linearity does not suit me because right after graduation as I was taking up Trigonometry, I chanced upon the announcement at ASP about grad school application. Without thinking, without even a plan, I submitted the requirements and found myself toiling hard with coursework while joining fieldworks and making sure I work hard to earn money on the side. Those were difficult times because I literally came to know what "hand to mouth existence" means. Sometimes I would feel as though I were wasting my time attending classes where I leave the class not even a bit wiser, or wasting my youth getting sun burns and insect bites which, according to my mom, is a ridiculous thing to do when I should be taking care of my fair skin thanks to her genes.

In hindsight, I guess what I truly got from those two years was not archaeological knowledge and knowhow but the construction of character. Had I not delved into archaeology and met different kinds of people, I would have remained the world's most naive person. My friends still think I need to work something out to balance my naivete but they often remark that at least I am learning. If there is one thing I learned it's that people will use you as much as they can if you let them. It took a while before I learned to say no. I was just too naive and stupid to think so nobly of others, that they won't ask for help unless they reached their limits. Apparently I was too locked in my own thoughts that my ideas I project unto others. Until concerned people noticed. Until I felt the unsettling feeling of carrying too much burden, burning myself out in the process.

For a change I decided to finish my diploma course and quit. I have to see what the corporate world has to offer, to see for myself if it's really a jungle out there with all the nasty gossips and ugly politics. I entered in all my naiveté. A whole new world full of pretentious and insincere people. But I also consider myself lucky finding friends in the corporate jungle. I used to think that everybody could be my friend, until I learned about people with two faces. I was aghast. I became cautious, and now I learned how to filter people that enter my life. I wouldn't have been forced to learn that had I not experienced what the corporate world is like.

Even with all its negativity, I would have to say that my experience in the corporate world has been invaluable. There I learned to tap into my erstwhile unknown pool of knowledge. The things I never thought I could do, I did there, forced by circumstances. Because in my mind, I am getting paid to do my job, but deep inside of me, exceeding expectations has been the default. Because I always think that there's a better way to do things, that we can all grow and learn even though on the surface everything already looks perfect.

Stretching myself further from the apparent limits I used to set on myself has been a double-edged sword. I got immersed in many things and my desire for continuous excellence drove me to explore more at the expense of the things I have loved doing. Many times I wish I could do kagebunshin no juutsu to do many things but at the end of the day is the realization that I am no Superwoman, that I am a mere mortal who must prioritize or perish in an overwhelming ocean of possibilities.

Today receiving two emails from a university I applied for, I am more determined to complete the requirements to make myself eligible for the program. This month I resolve to have one direction: work on my deficiencies and leave all unrelated things in the backseat.

I will not be young forever so I must hurry to achieve my childhood dreams before it is too late. Recently I have just turned down many travel offers because I need to focus more on building skills and competencies for my future self. This with the consolation that I have traveled a lot anyway the past 3 years. Not that I am quitting my backpacking adventures, just that there will less of them in the coming months.

For now, my objectives include working on my huge backlog: 2014 (HK and South Korea) and 2015 travels (SG, MX, numerous local trips), practicing the violin and keyboard, and continue studying Japanese.

Dolores, Quezon

It was in highschool when I started to delve into the occult. Back then my life revolved around religions because at some point, the Catholic beliefs I grew up with suddenly could not keep up with all the questions sprouting in my head. Questions about life and death, questions about the paranormal, questions about the powers of the mind, questions about God. I read anything and became familiar with Jaime Licauco and Tony Perez, wishing to one day meet them and have long conversations with them. I pursued my research until my sophomore year in college, the abrupt stop I owe to the shift in interest to Asian literature.

This year, just when I thought that Mt. Arayat would be my last climb, I said yes to a last-minute invitation to Dolores, Quezon. I've been wanting to explore Banahaw since my college years when I heard many stories of it being a mystical place so receiving an invite would only mean drop everything and go! Also, it's a chance to explore more the Southern part of Luzon since I am not that familiar with that region.

Buddha altar where we had our spiritual meeting

Mt. Calvary where pilgrims flock to during the Holy Week

A shrine, symbol of the deification of our national hero Jose Rizal

 Waking up early in the morning at 3:50am was expected. I got to JAM Liner in Kamias and boarded the bus at 4:30 but the bus left at 5:20am! While on the road, Maybe This Time was showing and I watched the first part until I fell asleep. I got off at San Pablo Medical Center at 7:20am and joined the other participants.

We joined the organizers and I was awed at the number of equipment they have. Big ropes and lots of carabiners! I have a thing for carabiners so just imagine my joy! Needless to say, I was reminded of my military science days when I was considered to be the best in knots. It was an honor I would never forget because I sucked big time at rappelling due to my fear of heights. I did redeem myself because I thoroughly enjoyed my last rappel which was done in a natural setting, in Mt. Makiling no less and I was commended for my swift movements. (Sometimes I wonder maybe I really just thrive when surrounded by nature... I've always thought I am one wild girl.)

Our camp was Kuya Kristy's rest house. While resting we introduced ourselves and I was delighted because the leader was also a very spiritual person. I met people whose third eye is open and I totally enjoyed the conversations I had with some of them especially about supernatural creatures. (I think I'll have to write about the stories in a separate blog entry...)

captured kukri snake

After lunch, we had lectures on basic life saving, rescue, and a discussion on poisonous animals but focusing on venomous snakes. I've always thought that we should only be wary of colorful ones like the ever famous coralsnakes but more venomous species are being discovered like a species of coral snake bearing strong semblance to the nonvenomous kukri (Oligodon) snakes. I had to ask if there is any creature immune to snake venom and they said the honey badger is. So I blurted out, okay, time for genetic engineering! (But of course I'm not at all supportive of that since I respect the natural flow.)

While hiking to a nearby rappelling practice area, I got to know more about the flora of Banahaw. Being naturally curious and feeling like a herbalist out on a mission to get plant medicine everytime I go hiking, I asked a lot of questions about local plants. I was told to beware lipang kalabaw (Dendrocnide meyeniana) and lipang aso, both from the nettle plant. These two cause skin irritation upon contact and this may last for a very long time. One of the organizers told me that even months after touching one, he could still feel the itchiness coupled with pain. 

I was also glad to see familiar plants. One is a mushroom growing on branches which I often see in my hikes. Another is the wandering jew, a medicinal plant used by Chinese herbalists. I recognized it from my recent trip to Hong Kong when I visited the Museum of Medicinal Sciences.

bark mushroom (don't know if that's what it really is but I call it bark mushroom...)

We stopped all rappelling activities when night fell. After dinner we had more lectures on rescue and first aid. Then we went out to do night caving at Husgado (Cave of Judgment). It's a good thing we were informed beforehand to bring headlamp so I quickly bought one the day before, a welcome addition to my hiking items. (I still don't feel worthy to be called a mountaineer...)

wandering Jew (I forgot the local name...) growing near the entrance to Husgado

I've heard stories of Husgado from classmates who were lucky to go on a field trip to Banahaw for their classes. They say that only good people can pass through the narrow paths inside the cave, that no matter the size of a person, he or she will fit in just right if he/ she is good. Indeed it was enigmatic for me and I still cannot believe that the big guys who were with us were able to pass through when I myself had great difficulty doing so.

After the caving experience, we did a simulation of night rescue. It was a humbling experience to know how truly difficult it is to carry a person on a spine board while treading rough terrain. Not to mention the cooperation and teamwork required to successfully transport an injured victim to a safe place. I'm glad though because after the exercise, many of the organizers commended me for a job well done in "leading" us participants. I think it comes naturally for me to be at the helm when everybody is confused as to what to do. I calmly gave out instructions and made sure everybody is ready for coordination. They said they saw how strong my will was and even persuaded me to take up EMT (Emergency Medical Training) and join rescue efforts. Of course there was a happy feeling but I know my shortcomings so I declined saying I still have a lot of things to learn about mountaineering. That and truth be told, I'm a lousy mountain climber. I tend to be on all fours when in the mountains (thus earning a nickname "Planet of the Apes" LOL!) so how can I rescue a victim? But it sure opened my eyes to the fact that I need to be stronger because when I am with people I always feel responsible for them and what they say in animé is true, get strength from your desire to protect and at the same time, exert effort to be strong to be able to protect.

That night, while my fellow participants washed themselves and slept early, I decided to participate in the spiritual meeting. The full moon was such a beauty that night but due to the trees overhead I wasn't able to take a decent picture. What I experienced was something weird. I closed my eyes and saw a blurred vision of an altar with bright colored lights. The following morning the others told me they saw the same thing, which is weird because I never told anyone about the vision. Though theirs was not blurred but rather clear and one even saw the Virgin Mary.

the waters at the Bakas (Footprint) are believed to have healing properties

The next morning we woke up late so we missed the sunrise at Mt. Calvary. We still proceeded though even without breakfast. I was able to eat one slice of my wheat bread though but after more than three hours of trekking I was super hungry by the time we got to Barangay Kinabuhayan and we had to walk some 1.5 km to get to Sta. Lucia. Whew!

an altar at the foot of Mt Calvary just before Cristalino waterfalls

the magnificent body of water from the falls

Brgy. Kinabuhayan at the foot of Mt. Calvary

Once we got to Kuya Kristy's, I washed up and finally took a long refreshing bath. It felt good to be fresh and clean again. We packed up after lunch and before I hopped inside the jeepney, I made sure I bought 1.5 liters of sukang kaong, a specialty in Dolores. Sadly there was no sukang kurat there. (I miss Tayabas!!!)

The other participants went ahead to the lake but I was so sleepy I doubt I'd be able to last another hour on the road so I got down at the highway and took a bus to Manila with one of the participants. We had to stand inside the bus for an hour though before we finally got seated and of course, the sleepyhead instantly fell asleep and woke up just as the bus was nearing the terminal in Pasay.

It was tiring, having a packed schedule like that but my heart would burst from too much happiness because I got to rappel again and because, well, I love the mountain air. Truly a wild girl's escape from the crazy urban life!