Most friends of mine are in utter disbelief whenever I tell them that I actually am an emo, that one of my hobbies is emoing, that is, channeling my romantic ego and going on a trip down memory lane mixed with fantasized versions of what really happened. And yes I am cheerfully bubbly, but I also am a very sentimental being frequently visited by episodes of nostalgia, childhood dreams, and visions of future possibilities.
Yesterday, while on a bus, I was treated to some of the best songs of the late 90s. Songs by A1 were alternately played, which included old favorites like Heaven by Your Side, Like a Rose, and One Last Song. It's one of those moments when I think of not going off a public transport just to listen to the songs being played. (It seems I really should buy my own MP3 player so that I can listen to my type of music anytime anywhere. On second thought though, I want every emo moment to be sacred, to be a surprise, to be that rare moment where I get into a pensive mood ponder on random things. So maybe I shouldn't buy one, after all. And thinking of the cost of an MP3 player is sure to make me change my mind since I'm having financial problems at the moment again.)
Heaven by Your Side is perhaps something that will become my theme song if ever one day I will be lucky enough to procure a boyfriend of my own. It's always the case that the person I like also likes me, but as if cursed or what, nothing goes past mere crushes. But if ever my wish of having a decent love life be granted, I do believe that the Fates shall be playing this song for me, with special focus on the part with the ff. lyrics:
Listening to these songs lets me envision a possibility of having a romantic relationship with someone special. Perhaps, that special someone, whoever he may be, will treat me "like a rose" who will "give me room to grow", who will "shine the light of love on me", "give me air so I can breath" and will "open doors I closed in a world where anything goes". Most importantly he will "give me strength so I stand tall" as I face the challenges of life with his support and love.
For some reasons, Like a Rose reminds me of an episode in the first chapter of my favorite novel Hongloumeng (Dream of the Red Chambers) where the Celestial Herb is resuscitated by a previous incarnation of Baoyu and thus promises to repay him a lifetime of tears when it is reincarnated as Lin Daiyu. I always think of that particular episode, though not thoroughly detailed in the novel, I imagine what could have happened as the Celestial Herb is given the strength to carry on. And for its very rich imagery of a nurturing partner, this song has become of my favorites.
But good things come to an end. Even a seemingly perfect relationship can be ended as soon as it started. Sometimes, even if you love a person so much, you will have to let him go. Sometimes, when loving that much to the point of breaking, you can't help but feel desperate and struggle to keep your beloved by your side. But in the end, you will choose to set him free, not because you don't love him anymore, but because you know that he'll be happy that way, even when it hurts, even when it's hard.
This stanza reminds me that one day a romantic relationship may be over in the blink of an eye. It is a reminder that nothing is permanent, everything is in flux. And more so feelings, for they come and go. When they go, sometimes they return, but most times, they do not. Or it's too late when they do.
Yesterday, while on a bus, I was treated to some of the best songs of the late 90s. Songs by A1 were alternately played, which included old favorites like Heaven by Your Side, Like a Rose, and One Last Song. It's one of those moments when I think of not going off a public transport just to listen to the songs being played. (It seems I really should buy my own MP3 player so that I can listen to my type of music anytime anywhere. On second thought though, I want every emo moment to be sacred, to be a surprise, to be that rare moment where I get into a pensive mood ponder on random things. So maybe I shouldn't buy one, after all. And thinking of the cost of an MP3 player is sure to make me change my mind since I'm having financial problems at the moment again.)
Heaven by Your Side is perhaps something that will become my theme song if ever one day I will be lucky enough to procure a boyfriend of my own. It's always the case that the person I like also likes me, but as if cursed or what, nothing goes past mere crushes. But if ever my wish of having a decent love life be granted, I do believe that the Fates shall be playing this song for me, with special focus on the part with the ff. lyrics:
"Now my life is blessed with the love of an angel
How can it be true?
Somebody who keeps dreams alive
a dream I found in you.
I always thought that love could be the strangest thing to me,
but when we touch, I realize,
that I found my place in heaven by your side."
Listening to these songs lets me envision a possibility of having a romantic relationship with someone special. Perhaps, that special someone, whoever he may be, will treat me "like a rose" who will "give me room to grow", who will "shine the light of love on me", "give me air so I can breath" and will "open doors I closed in a world where anything goes". Most importantly he will "give me strength so I stand tall" as I face the challenges of life with his support and love.
For some reasons, Like a Rose reminds me of an episode in the first chapter of my favorite novel Hongloumeng (Dream of the Red Chambers) where the Celestial Herb is resuscitated by a previous incarnation of Baoyu and thus promises to repay him a lifetime of tears when it is reincarnated as Lin Daiyu. I always think of that particular episode, though not thoroughly detailed in the novel, I imagine what could have happened as the Celestial Herb is given the strength to carry on. And for its very rich imagery of a nurturing partner, this song has become of my favorites.
But good things come to an end. Even a seemingly perfect relationship can be ended as soon as it started. Sometimes, even if you love a person so much, you will have to let him go. Sometimes, when loving that much to the point of breaking, you can't help but feel desperate and struggle to keep your beloved by your side. But in the end, you will choose to set him free, not because you don't love him anymore, but because you know that he'll be happy that way, even when it hurts, even when it's hard.
"Let me ask time has passed
Do you feel this could last
If you don't, why then stay?
Take your wings, fly away.
I love you way too much
To wanna be the one who brings you down."
This stanza reminds me that one day a romantic relationship may be over in the blink of an eye. It is a reminder that nothing is permanent, everything is in flux. And more so feelings, for they come and go. When they go, sometimes they return, but most times, they do not. Or it's too late when they do.
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