Sunday, September 22, 2013

Autodidactic Mode On

Lately I'm finding it difficult to come up with a topic other than food and/or restaurants for my blog and I fear that this blog may seem support consumerism when in fact I go against this and as much as possible try to live simply without fancy things. I do admit that I frequent food establishments simply because I love food and I seldom get to have my way in the kitchen at home. Plus, eating out gives me ideas on what to cook next. The only thing I hate about food-tripping is that it hurts the pocket.

Lately I'm engrossed with a lot of things related to higher learning. I recently resumed my study of calculus, determined to understand it and to somehow use it to solve some of life's perplexing problems. Maybe I'm just a bored kid who misses school so much as a teacher and as a student that now I assume both roles for myself as I venture into this self-study activity. It's pretty much like what I did last year when I attempted to learn Japanese and came up with a blog entry that gives tips on how to learn a new language on one's own. I guess I must be overwhelmed by the difficulties encountered especially on Japanese conjugations. Four lessons to go and I quit. Okay, I didn't really quit, I just gave myself space and it's close to one year now since then. Perhaps next month will give me more motivation to continue (another plan that is sure not to materialize).

Keeping myself extra busy with these things sometimes make me question why I do them in the first place. There always comes a point in time when I get so fed up (especially when topic's getting extra complicated) and I think of how learning seems to be a waste of time and brain cells, but I would pause and reflect that there is wisdom in learning. Who knows when I will be able to use the knowledge gained in practice? How many times have I felt disappointed and frustrated with myself over regrets when I encounter a situation where I could have used a certain knowledge of something only to find that it's not part of my arsenal and all I have to do is just stand and be frustrated because of ignorance? Those defining moments remind me to strive hard to learn something new each day. It doesn't matter which topic or discipline it covers as long as I build my knowledge base. And somehow that isn't enough. The how-process attracts me more and oftentimes I become restless when I can't figure out why something is the way it is.

Since time and money are finite resources, and since I cannot give up my job yet in favor of the academe, I'm investing part of my time to self-study with the hope that once I become ready to continue my formal studies, I can be better and more disciplined. So here I am in full autodidactic mode, learning things, discovering things, having fun despite the many difficulties. People may think I miss out a lot in life because I would rather curl up in bed with a book than spend evenings out in malls or waste time gossiping about people, but what actually makes me happy is the fact that I struggle with my studies. With this struggle I feel more alive.

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