Fixing My Finances

If there is something I want to thank my ex for, it's that he talked me to take risks and invest my money to make it grow instead of having it locked up in my bank. I know what they always say about growing money, I am financially literate (to a certain extent) but the overthinker in me just cannot stop thinking that money-growing instruments can be manipulated and rigged and while you can certainly become richer, there is also a big possibility you will lose a big amount. I learn that from the economic crises the world has been through and it is certainly scary especially for someone who feels overly anxious about the future.

When I first started to join the workforce, my first investments still were on the safe side. I would only invest in RTBs despite the very low interest and the long lockdown period. At least, I reasoned to myself, the interest rate is still more decent than a even BPI Family Savings bank. Eventually, my parents talked me into investing into stocks as again they are fearful of my future knowing how volatile and unpredictable (much worse than stock markets) their daughter can be. They would just sigh whenever I would tell them I'd be heading off to this and that adventure or I'd be eating at this and that restaurant. They would always ask me if I have enough savings as I seem to so self-indulgent and so they would ask me to contribute something for the house to give me a bit of responsibility. I learned how lucky I am that unlike my other friends, I only have to look after myself. Some people even accuse me of being too privileged but they do not know the nitty gritty of my spending habits and they do not need to know. Like, yes, I do spend a lot on food and travel, but I also donate part of my income to some worthwhile charity on certain occasions. Like, just last month, I spent more than P4,300 to buy soap, napkins, toothbrushes, toothpaste, etc for the evacuees affected by the heavy ashfall in Southern Luzon. 

Last week, while at home thinking where all my money has gone to, because whenever I look at my savings account, I feel like I've wasted my eight years of being a full-time worker. Other people my age have already put up their own business or bought properties and yet the only thing I can proudly say is that I have invested heavily in myself, in growing my character and more importantly, in gaining deeper wisdom and wider knowledge of the world. I have seen how my self-investments pay off in that I always seem to be very different from people around me because of my awareness of things the general public is ignorant of. 

And so anyway, last week, after submitting my draft proposal, I set out to finish other tasks. I have a very long list of tasks accumulated over the years and sad to say I realize too late that I have been neglecting my personal finances. Since I am so meticulous when it comes to recording my expenses, I opened my expenses diary and listed down my monthly expenses and listed down my end-of-year savings and end-of-year investments for 2019. This will become my benchmark for the coming years and I already created an Excel file to see my progress. I know there is a lot of catching up I need to do for my three unproductive years after graduating from college. 

Today I braved the Friday traffic to head to Pag-Ibig instead of chilling at home. I just found out that they now have a Virtual Portal where one can see contributions and even pay online but with a fee. I registered online and I need to have my account activated at any branch within 7 days. The activation process took less than 5 minutes but you need to line up with other members regardless of the kind of transaction you have. It sucks. I complained a lot to the guard about it and also to the staff who activated my account and said it is VERY unfair and stupid to have members who have registered online to still burn time and queue up with others. I don't know what goes on in the minds of whoever designed this system but it is very inefficient. In all, I spent 3 hours in the Pag-Ibig office when it should not have taken me more than 30 minutes. Note to self: never go at the end of the month.

红高粱 (1988)

This week I continued to watch a Chinese action film about the poet 李白 who is made into a vigilant reminiscent of Batman, and yet still did not finish the film. Today instead of working on my thesis, I watched a movie I have always been curious about.  I finally found a copy in Youtube except it does not have English nor Chinese subtitles (save for some folk songs in the movie) which is fine since I leveled up a lot after I vowed to be better at Mandarin upon seeing my low score in HSK level 6 exam. I did pass, but my heart is not happy with what I achieved. 

The film is about a woman named 九儿 (九 is homophone of 酒 which is also central to the story) who is being sent off to be married to an old man. Along the way, the entourage was blocked by a bandit who almost raped 九儿 had it not been for a worker who is referred to by the Main Narrator as "My Grandpa". This grandpa pounced on the bandit and initiated the attack that was eventually joined by his coworkers leading to the bandit's death. Later  on, grandpa will himself rape 九儿 although it is more like carrying her off in the fields of sorghum and it seems that whatever happened between them is consensual. The old man died suddenly and 九儿 assumes the role of boss of  the wine distillery with the help of an old worker Luohan. The men had a feast and folk songs are shown alongside rituals expressing pride of their own made red sorghum wine. Later on, 九儿 is kidnapped by a man named Sanpao who owns a butcher shop. He demands ransom and when 九儿 is freed, grandpa goes to Sanpao seeking revenge and calms down when Sanpao tells him he did not touch 九儿.

For a while, the distillery people lived in peace and 九儿 is seen to be happy with her young son who plays among the wine jars. Luohan leaves the distillery without a word and disappears as 九儿 chases after him. It turns out that he joined an anti-Japanese resistance and is later revealed to be caught alongside the bandit Sanpao. The Japanese round up the people of the distillery and cause terror, bringing with them the two prisoners. A butcher who works for Sanpao is praised and given money for his good work on skinning an animal and is later ordered to skin Sanpao alive which he refused and stabbed Sanpao instead to give his boss a quick death. Luohan is not as lucky as the other skinner obeyed the Japanese order because his life is under threat. The skinning alive of Luohan is witnessed by 九儿 and everyone. They vowed to avenge his death and in the end everyone dies except for the narrator's father (九儿's son) and grandpa.

This movie by Zhang Yimou seems to me to be an allegory of the struggles of the Chinese people. First is the emancipation from capitalism (death of the old leper). Then, the internal conflict seen in the bandit kidnapping 九儿, as well as the narrator's grandpa raping 九儿 (Chinese victimizing fellow Chinese). Third, is the terror wrought by the Japanese which made some Chinese turn to their own kind, but which also shows the nobility of the Chinese spirit to rise against foreign aggression. In all three, it is interesting that the female is seen as the ultimate victim who can temporarily achieve success but who will still ultimately die. There are so many things one can discuss with regards to this movie and it pretty much reminds me of the Filipino classic Oro Plata Mata which is disturbing to say the least. It should also be noted that Zhang Yimou is also the one behind another favorite wartime movie of mine: The Flowers of War.