Dreams, Reconnections, Depression

Last night as well as the night before, I saw him in my dream. He was one of my ex-crushes, a boy whom I knew to be quiet, reserved, gentle, calm, and yet can joke every now and then. He was one of the very few who spoke to me when I was a new student in school. And for that I guess I must have liked him. We were classmates until we finished high school.

Many times I would overhear him saying to his friend (a boy who was friendly with me, too) that I was too boyish because I ran around a lot, stood up to teachers, slept in class, and did things "normal" girls usually do not do (and because I am embarrassed about those, I won't mention them here).

I guess I must have liked this guy. He was my opposite. Whereas I was loud, passionate, impulsive, and hyper, he was quiet, calm, thoughtful, and cool. Everytime we talk about Doraemon or Detective Conan, I was happy. He even lent me some of his comic books. He was a great guy. I wish I had established contact with him even after graduation. Now that he appears in my dreams, there's only this longing to talk to him again and perhaps, laugh about bygone days.

So now I find myself looking for him on Facebook. In the process I thought of my other girl friends in Chinese class. Despite my oddly rude behavior, I was lucky to have been friends with them. I guess they helped me mellow down a bit. It is thanks to them, to people who dare break the many barriers I have set up to protect myself, that I learn little by little what relationships mean. From them, many lessons are learned. One, it is okay to get hurt, just focus on happy times. Two, one can never be truly lonely.

I guess the reason why I broke ties with my high school friends after graduation was because I was too cowardly to accept the painful partings. I have gotten used to people whom I knew to be good people and I could foresee then that if I were to be left behind by these people, the pain would be unbearable. I guess I didn't knew then what TRUST means, and neither have I thought that indeed if they left me then maybe they weren't as good as I have known them to be. My ego, that pride that have caused broken relationships, told me to be the one to leave. Because one day everyone will go away anyway.

In college, two of my Chinese friends still tried to get in touch with me. I was touched. But when I changed my number and failed to save theirs, it was the end. That was also the day when people from my high school life were totally incapable of reaching me. Only a handful knew of my new number. Instead of being happy about it later on, I found myself in sadness. I would browse through the letters and read them all over and over again, just to relieve my high school memories. I was happy then. People often commented at how cheerful I was. It all changed in college when I found great difficulty in relating with people from different backgrounds. I realized I threw away the chance to be with good people.

Late last year, I swore to protect relationships from now on. I also promised myself that I would try to reconnect with people who mattered to me, who can keep my feet back on the ground, who can uplift my spirits and perhaps, help me go back to being the cheerful girl that I once was.

Leafing through our graduation book, memories filled my mind. Is this Easter's promise? Liberation from a painful past, liberation from my sins, liberation from my own wrongdoing. But memories are not enough. I want to cast away my pride and express my gratitude to people who have been good to me, who may unknowingly kept me from being too sad.

One day I wish to find myself walking under the night sky with a smile in my heart. I wish one day as I glance down from the overpass and see the multitude of lights, regrets will be replaced by forgiveness. Because in a world inhabited by billions, fates made me cross paths with wonderful people. The past cannot be changed, I can only look forward at the future with an optimistic heart. And especially that 1 kilometer walk I take, I wish that one day, as I glance up at the trains that come and go, the sadness will be replaced my happiness. Because people have a choice to stop by and express kindness to a lost child or to continue walking and ignoring needy people, but I'm glad and I'm lucky that many have stopped and smiled at me.

So now instead of being depressed, I ought to smile. I know that people who are used to seeing my cheerful side would not be too happy to see me depressed. Maybe I ought to smile more, especially when I am alone, because it is then that I can be one with my cherished memories with my cherished people.

Happy Easter!

Lincoln (2012)

When I heard that the film "Lincoln" is competing in the Oscars, I just had to watch it. It being biographical and historical gave the impression that it was boring and it sure is. Lincoln narrates the events surrounding the passing of the 13th Amendment is U.S. history. The major goal then is to secure votes to abolish slavery. And so lots of boring dialogues. But there is one particular scene which struck me as truly remarkable and well, memorable.

Tommy Lee Jones' role as the the sardonic yet charismatic Thaddeus Stevens gave life to the movie in this highly commendable scene:

From: http://www.moviequotesandmore.com/lincoln-movie-quotes.html#.UU-2Khenpvk

from: http://www.moviequotesandmore.com/lincoln-movie-quotes-1.html#.UU-3Rhenpvk

from: http://www.moviequotesandmore.com/lincoln-movie-quotes-1.html#.UU-3Rhenpvk

X/1999

One of the first animé series I have watched is Magic Knight Rayearth, about three teenage girls sent to a different world as saviours. The series, which combines various genres such as mecha, fantasy, action, adventure, and romance, was, though not necessarily a favorite, something that piqued my interest in animé in my early years.

In high school, I met my first fellow otakus and they were all crazy about CLAMP. I would learn from them that CLAMP is the maker of some of the most popular animé and manga series like Cardcaptor Sakura, Chobits, CLAMP School Detectives, Angelic Layer, XXXHolic, X/1999, Tsubasa Chronicles, and yes, including Magic Knight Rayearth. Later on, I would find myself watching the first three and not liking the stories mainly because I find them mainly catered to girls with their magical dreams and too much fan service, though to be fair I love the concepts and the art, I became a CLAMP-basher.

In highschool, my friends and I watched X The Movie together and seeing its many allusions to Christian eschatology, I made a mental note to one day watch the series since I could not entirely comprehend the movie due to its compressed narrative. My friends also advised me to watch the series and to give CLAMP another chance. It will only be years later, this Holy Week vacation to be precise, that I heeded their advise, and I am without regrets.

The very gist of the series is fate of the world as decided upon by Kamui, the main protagonist who started off as a cold-hearted, confused character who would fight anyone trying to meddle in his affairs. He must decide if he wants to protect the present as a Dragon of Heaven or to wish for a change by destroying the world and creating a new one as Dragon of Earth. But the fates can be cruel, because no matter which side he chooses, he must fight against his twin star, his best friend Fuma, who is destined to fill the empty seat, the role rejected by Kamui in choosing the other.

In preparation for the final battle between the two dragons, each must gather his comrades. The fourteen dragons, seven on each side, have their own stories, their wishes and decisions controlled by the circumstances they were put in in their younger years.

 Kamui’s cheerful and thoughtful personality changed when he saw his mother die before his very eyes as a shadow sacrifice, to ensure that Kamui chooses the right path. Sorata, the friendliest of the Dragons of Earth, was taken away from his mother to live in Mout Kouya as a monk (episode 6). Arashi, the swordswoman and priestess of Ise, did not care if she lived or not as a child but the reason behind this was not fully explained (episode 23). The onmyouji Subaru suffered the most similar tragedy with Kamui; his sister Hokuto was killed by Seishiro the Sakrazukamori whom he loved as well (episode 9), whereas Kamui bore the pain of seeing his childhood sweethear Kotori killed by his best friend Fuma (episode 12). The youngest of the team, Yuzuriha, was often teased as a liar as a child because no one can see her best friend Inuki, a spirit dog visible only to people with supernatural powers (episode 10).The fire master Karen, was regarded as a devil by her own Catholic mother because of her power to control fire (episode 19). Only the wind master Aoki’s back story is not revealed though repeatedly in the series, it is reiterated that he is a loving husband and father.

The Dragons of Earth, on the other hand, are composed of characters who are mostly social deviants with the exception perhaps of Kusanagi and Yuto. Aside from this, they are characterized by their obvious contempt for humans who for them, are an abusive lot deserving death. Fuma used to be a kind-hearted man prior to his awakening as Kamui’s twin star. Satsuki the computer genius orchestrated the death of her own father with the help of her computer “friends” (episode 7). Seishiro is a cold-hearted assassin, figuring in both Subaru and his sister Hokuto’s lives as the latter’s killer. Kakyou the dreamseer is tortured by the fact that he was not able to save the most important person for him, Hokuto, when the girl is killed. The clone Nataku, a lost child with “needy personality”, is a soulless body created by Tojo Pharmaceuticals (episode 15). Kusanagi is a gentle guy whom Yuzuriha falls for, being the first person in Tokyo to “see” Inuki, which brought the young girl great joy.

All dragons knew of their fates beforehand, with the exception of Fuma whose role is dependent on which side Kamui will choose. Each character then prepares himself for the Great Battle and has learned to yield to fate. However, with Kotori’s message that all hope is not lost and that the future still is undecided, Kamui goes on to fight even though Fuma tells him of the inevitability of the Dragon of Heaven’s loss. Indeed, Kamui dies in the end, but his final wish is granted--- to protect Fuma and the world he lives in. This is after he made a sudden realization--- that people die but then their wishes do not die with them, that their wishes continue to live on in the hearts of their loved ones they left behind and whom they want to protect.

All throughout the dramatic events in the series, impressive music plays in the background thus setting the mood. Saccharinely tragic and heart-wrenching, the series boasts of one of the most commendable soundtrack in animédom, and this is also one more reason to watch X/1999 over and over again. 

  

And as a last note, if there is one word that describes the series other than darkly compelling, it would have to be that X/1999  is, in a word, FEATHERY, as all 24 episodes have scenes of scattered feathers. This can be said as pretty much a trademark of CLAMP to portray dreaminess and mysticism.

Choujin Sentai Jetman

Late last year, I was able to procure a copy of the series Choujin Sentai Jetman and I was more than delighted because ever since I got out of graduate school, I suddenly have this 90's nostalgia. I was craving for the movies and series I watched as a child and one of these is Jetman, which was my top favorite among other sentai series (Bioman, Fiveman, Ultraman, Kamen Rider, etc. Power Rangers was my second favorite). I remember hurrying home after school just to watch this in the afternoon, and throwing tantrums when people would change the channel to some stupid basketball game on TV.

Just what makes Jetman more appealing is its focus on human vices and the incorporation of problems such as pollution and consumerism. The evil side, the Vyram, looks down upon humans for being frail, foolish, and hopeless. This, in contrast with Ryuu's (Red Hawk) optimistic view that despite human's many weaknesses, they are capable of hoping and changing for the better.

Aside from that, Jetman has characters who show dynamism. The four initially reluctant rangers Kaori (White Swan), Raita (Yellow Owl), Ako (Blue Swallow), and Gai (Black Condor) changed when they accepted the responsibility of saving the world (or Japan rather) from evil forces that seek to destroy the earth. Kaori was at first a rich lady who couldn't fight, nor could she fly her own jet perfectly. Raita was a cowardly peace-loving person who developed enough courage and guts after getting inspired by his fellow rangers. Ako was in it for the money at first but realized how truly noble the cause is. Gai, the most complex of the characters, was a bad boy gone a bit good after meeting Kaori. (And being the most passionate and good-looking, he is my crush favorite.)

My favorite Jetman, Gai, who plays the sax beautifully.

And so I think I will write more about Gai here. I find him a tragic character, the only one among the rangers who will meet his death. (I'm done yet done rewatching the whole series but I remember he's the only one to die in the end.) Aside from that, he's also a victim of unrequited love, having been rejected by Kaori many times. At least he was lucky to have been given a small chance albeit too short.

Going back to the series, I must say that the first 15 episodes are not as serious as the latter episodes. As of writing, I am enjoying episode 18 (Gai Dies!), wherein Radiguet is turned into a human after he tried to kill Empress Juza, Mother of the Universe. In this particular episode, we see that even Radiguet's team would consider teaming up with the good guys just to overthrow a hindrance to power. We also see here that for a brief moment, Radiguet was moved because of a girl's pure heart, but the ruthless Vyram killed her in the end. The change from light cases to darkly dramatic started with episode 16 (Revolt of Paper) where an artist's dead daughter was brought to life when a Paper Monster wreaks havoc and makes objects from papers materialize on the physical plane.

Will write more about this series. :)

Read more about Choujin Sentai Jetman HERE

My Date with a Vampire Season 1 (episodes 13-19)

Late last week I finished the first of seven DVD set of My Date with a Vampire. Yes, it’s that addicting. Every episode discloses interesting information and you get hungry for more. The next thing you know, it’s way past midnight. No wonder lately I have been reporting late for work.

白素素 the White Snake’s role in the series becomes clear here. She is known for her wine which, when ingested, clears up a person’s muddled thoughts. Different characters have different reactions and saw different things.  It was instrumental in making王珍珍 confess her feelings to況天佑 when she berated him for being too mysterious and ambivalent.  況天佑 apparently is not affected by the drink.

 馬小玲, on the other hand, saw herself and況天佑 embracing each other and was heavily disturbed. First and foremost, her bestfriend likes況天佑.  Second, as the heiress of the 馬 clan, she is expected to focus on her profession and goal of defeating 將臣 above all things. But in the scenes following this episode, we see another side to this seemingly cold-hearted girl. She is willing to sacrifice her own feelings for her best friend 王珍珍 and even goes an extra mile as threatening況天佑 never to hurt 王珍珍’s feelings. This can also be seen as one way of reminding herself never to fall in love.

As for 況天佑, while it is clear that he loves 阿秀, I doubt if he has feelings for 王珍珍. My guess is that he likes馬小玲 at the onset. He once remarked that he and馬小玲 have a whole lot more to talk about, compared to when he is with王珍珍. And he seems to be just hopelessly lured to blind dates orchestrated by his son復生 and 馬小玲.

Speaking more on romance, episode 18 can very well be one of my favorites. In this episode, 白素素 is already dying and she has just one wish--- to see許仙 one last time before her death. But let us first see the events that unfolded before episode 18.

山本一夫, after knowing that the crab-shaped 鎮國石靈in a museum in Beijing has the power to stop him from his world-domination plans, he had it sent to Hong Kong for an exhibition. He then concocts a plan to have馬小玲 and況天佑 fight each other, with the hope of eliminating his potential opponents, all the while holding復生 as hostage. [When未來 learns of the abduction of her little friend, she tries to search for him.]

And so during the fight in the museum, 馬小玲 discovers that 況天佑 is actually a vampire. [The two will have an agreement afterwards: 馬小玲 will kill況天佑 once the latter fixes his relationship with王珍珍 and also, once a cure to turn 復生 into a human is found. The latter seems to be 況天佑’s one and only goal in life.] So anyway, it is during this fight that法海 is released from having been sealed for centuries inside the crab-shaped stone. The relentless monk immediately searched for the snake sisters for revenge.

Against her will, 馬小玲 helps the Snake sisters despite knowing that they are not human, but still with the acknowledgement that they are good-natured. This leads her to question her profession because she will stop at nothing to capture supernatural creatures. Here we see the difference between馬小玲’s strict adherence to her family’s profession and王珍珍’s naiveté which allows her to see beyond physical appearances. Also, her act may also be in consideration of her student金正中’s feelings toward White Snake, which shows that she’s not as cruel as she seems to be.

We also see the character of白素素. As a supernatural creature like the vampire 況天佑, she exudes compassion and is the epitome of patience. She fell in love with the human許仙 many years ago. But time does not diminish her love and she patiently waits for the reincarnation of 許仙, holding on to  妙善’s vision that she will be able to meet her beloved before 天人五衰. And as stated before, the series owes much to Buddhism. 天人五衰 is  a Buddhist concept that refers to the decay of devas. [The counterpart of devas is angels in Western religions.] 白素素 dreads天人五衰 but has accepted her fate early on, that sensing 法海’s revival and the imminent coming of天人五衰, she tries to do as much good as possible to the good people she meets, but more so for金正中 whose clumsiness she finds attractive. In fact, 小青 says that 金正中 is way way better than 許仙.

While法海 pursues the two sisters and injures their friends in the process, even山本一夫’s team lends a hand, rendering the old monk heavily injured. It is then that Buddha intervenes and in a deux-ex-machina moment, 法海 is given a lotus to sit on to meditate and purify himself, thereby saving the two sisters.

But then not long, 白素素 is experiencing 天人五衰. Her hair has grown white and wrinkles have appeared on her face. She hides from everyone but her friends seek her out. At this time, 金正中 has no recollection of her, having been hurt by法海 during the fight. He runs away the minute he saw her, leaving白素素 in tears. 白素素 cries out to heaven in agony, saying all she wants is just to see許仙 before she dies. Heaven grants her wish and strikes a lightning, hitting金正中 whose memories suddenly returned. He runs back to apologize to the woman he loves. And in this special moment [okay here comes my favorite heart-wrenching scene], for a brief moment, 金正中 previous incarnation flashes in his mind. He saw himself as許仙 holding an umbrella for 白素素 in the West Lake where they met. [This got me crying!!!]

Meanwhile, 未來 is finally able to track where her father is hiding復生, but comes too late. 復生, very hungry from days of no consumption, sucks the blood of a girl placed inside his cell by Ken, 未來’s lover. This will change 復生 forever, who hasn’t tasted fresh human blood before and suddenly the expired human blood they get from the hospital is repulsive to him. He tries to keep this a secret from his adoptive father, feeling disgusted with himself aside from the heavy guilt he now bears after killing a human for blood.

In episode 19, 復生 asks馬小玲 to exterminate him, a move approved by況天佑 even though it is also difficult for him. [And I think it is the first time he cried.]

While all these are happening, 山本一夫’s other sidekick Herman, seems to want to kill 王珍珍’s mother who now works山本一夫’s company as headed by Mr. Lim who has taken a liking to欧阳嘉嘉. The mother and daughter are both invited to a party and there, the first meeting of山本一夫 and王珍珍 takes place. 山本一夫 is shocked and awestruck at the sight of the woman who looks a lot like his deceased wife from years ago.

Love polygon begins.

See here to see summary of episodes 1-12 and
episodes 20-35

Lantau Island, Hong Kong 02152013

When I heard that we would be going to Lantau Island, I almost leaped for joy. Lantau Island, as I have read from the numerous brochures I got at the airport, is great for outdoor enthusiasts. Also, prior to the trip, an officemate suggested a visit to the Big Buddha which is in this island.

So off to Lantau Island we went on the second day. We took the MTR from Tsim Sha Tsui to Central then transferred to another line bound to Tung Chung. From Citygate Mall, we took the bus to Ngong Ping and visited temples. Because I was with oldies and I am a fast walker, I disappeared for some time coz I just had to climb the tower to the Big Buddha. Lots of tourists there and so I asked some to take pictures of me in every level of the climb.

On both sides of the paved walkway are statues of Hindu warriors with corresponding Chinese zodiac signs.

the circular plaza

entrance to the temple where we burned incense

Big Buddha

near the Big Buddha are these Hindu statues in different poses and with different offerings

me striking the drums for a wish

 After the temple visit and a quick lunch, my relatives and I parted ways. There were three groups. One would go to Disneyland, only to go back to the hotel early. One would go to another place to visit temples. And the other is a one-girl group, ME, heading off to nowhere.

But really, Lantau island is pretty much my ideal place for its many woodland areas and mountains. So I decided to explore on my own since no one among my companions love walking around a lot.

I explored Ngong Ping 360 and the many stores and not a few Western restos (which indicate that the place indeed is a tourist spot). I had to find there the Nature Centre to join a free guided tour which I knew about from a brochure I got at the airport. But because I arrived too early and the tour will not begin until an hour later, I decided to go on my own to maximize the time.

I must admit that I am not very good with understanding maps and for the second time, I got lost. As a consequence, I took major detours such that when I finally reached the start of the nature walk trail, I was already profusely sweating and a bit tired. But the adventurer in me would not let this rare opportunity to pass so with a strong determination to discover a bit of Lantau Island's natural environment, I went on. And a beautiful sunny day is not to be wasted. So climbed a mountain I did.

Very few climbed the mountain. I was still lucky to find this hiker. If I found myself all alone, I would have stopped and went somewhere instead.

This is the reward I got: a view of the Big Buddha from afar together with  the tall wooden stelae on Wisdom Path

 I really had to visit the Wisdom Path. And I'm glad I did, otherwise I would not have known why it's called as such. The wooden stelae have carved Chinese sentences related to Buddhism

 I also did the Ngong Ping Tree Walk. It's very educational and I would certainly recommend this to parents to try with their children to help kids develop an appreciation of the natural environment and to aid in educating about plants and the benefits we can derive from them aside from clean air.

Next is the Fat Mun Ancient Path and the Mei Lak Shan Country trail where Wisdom Path's wooden stelae are also visible.

Eastern Mountain Fat Mun. Passing through this gate, I found myself already alone. Minutes later a woman appeared and asked me if I had completed the walk. I said it was impossible given the fact that it's dangerous for a girl to walk all alone in the woods. She smiled and wished me good luck before I left.

Tired from all the walking, I replenished my Octopus card at 7-11 and bought a liter of water. By that time, I already lost a lot of water in my body. My top was very wet from the sweat and I regretted bringing my coat.

Because I had limited time, I chose to visit an interesting place which is near Ngong Ping. Tai O seems to be the next best place to visit considering its proximity and convenience of commuting. From Ngong Ping I took Bus 21. The ride was just some 20 minutes. I also made sure to rest my eyes since by that time, my head was already clamoring for rest.

Upon arriving at the fishing village, the ferry boat ride ad promising dolphin sight-seeing greeted me and I purchased a ticket for HKD 20. The boat ride will last 20 minutes and sad to say, we did not see any dolphins.

houses on stilts, pretty much common in Southeast Asia

No dolphins but I saw this white seagull. Still happy!

After the boat ride, I explored the old town.While from outside it looks small, it was actually quite big that my feet hurt from all the walking afterwards.

dried seafoods which were VERY tempting yet VERY expensive

And these, too, spell YUMMY!

Of all the pictures I took in Hong Kong, this one is my favorite. 

A shrine to 土地公

Another small temple in Tai O with intricately designed roof

After all the walking, I had to endure an hour of waiting. There was a very long queue at the bus stop. I was so tired and hungry. While inside the bus, I asked my seatmate how long it would take to go to Tung Chung and she said 45 minutes. I slept throughout the ride and when I woke up, the Citygate Mall could already be seen. 

And yes, this solo explorer had to get lost inside the mall, unable to find the way to the subway. It was funny, looking back at that time. I was deliberating on whether to buy a Subway sandwich but a part of me was saying no because we have Subway Sandwiches in the Philippines. Besides, it costs a lot. 

I bought dinner at Tsim Sha Tsui and took it out to eat at the hotel at around 9pm. By then my stomach was already grumbling.

Before I shut my eyes to sleep that night, though, I felt proud of myself for having done it all on my own.