Chinese Poetry 001

While on a pensive mood inside the library, I cannot help but rewrite a Chinese poem which somewhat alludes to ChuangTzu's butterfly dream.

Repel illusions. Focus on reality. What seems is not what is.

Depression kicking in but I don't plan to lose.

Hell Week

I am just glad the first of two hell weeks is now over.

This week, I had consecutive meetings at work, leaving me unable to attend to the core processes that we do. I hope it doesn't affect my performance this year. Add to that the two papers and two reports. Whew! So for 10 consecutive days I have had very little sleep averaging at just 3.5 per day, which is sooooo below the minimum required for my cutie sleep.

It's amazing that I still was able to not fall asleep. Maybe there was the adrenaline rush. Anyhow, I'm glad that theres's only one more week to go then I can already breatehe well and smile and relax while having my normal 8 hours of cutie sleep. My noontime nap has been very helpful in making me focus on taking on the important action items. That and the fact that I fall asleep while in transit. Energy may not be fully restored but it sure was sufficient to last me until I get home.

So today I went out with a guy who shares funny stories about himself and about other things. We watched London has Fallen after lunch at Ramen Santouka (my second time there which attests to this resto's good food), and he might just be the perfect movie companion because he was able to explain to me how intelligence units function and rescue operations are carried out. Cool!

It's also cool to get to know someone who's totally different from the usual people I encounter. It was an honor to be told that I'm interesting (probably because I am too outspoken LOL), a compliment I get a lot from people but most would also find me equally intimidating so they'd rather step back, which for me seems like an insult. I don't understand what people see in me sometimes. In general, old folks and younger people adore me, but people my age don't. @.@

Aaaaand I just added a pile of readings on my list. Busy days ahead. But I'm loving it because I'm learning a lot and I can feel that I'm growing again. Somebody save me from stagnation!!! I'll always be grateful to our supervisor for giving me these opportunities. Speaking of which, I will miss him so much but I can't tell him that because it would be awkward. @.@

February 2016

February being the month of love finds me reconnecting with many people.

The first weekend, my highschool friends and I finally were able to schedule a mini reunion at K Pub where we had fun talking about high school life. (I initially thought I wouldn't be able to consume a lot of meat but having grilled chicken or beef wrapped in lettuce creates wonders.) It's amazing that my friends still remember many things about me, but most especially the unforgettable umbrella episode wherein I broke an umbrella which scared the shit out of them. So they teased me, calling me bakemono (monster). No insult for me, in fact I took it as a compliment and I felt like a strong little girl. (And they would tell me I'm like Biscuit who looks like a cute girl most of the time but transforms into a muscled woman when it's time to fight.) I'm glad that finally one of my guy friends has a GF. So that means among the five of us, only two are left with no love life. (All four of them are boys and due to my scholastic standing I was considered the boss. LOL.)

The following week, I had a date with my mom, just the two of us, on a weekday. We watched Everything About Her, starring Vilma Santos, Angel Locsin, and Xian Lim. (I just find AL too beautiful and I haven't seen a lot of her on TV except for the Saturday talent show which bores me BTW so no thanks.) We had light snacks at Figaro then quick shopping, then movie. After the movie, we had dinner at Shi Lin, her choice because she wants to eat xiaolongbao which is aligned to my expectations as well.

That same weekend, I traveled all the way to Laguna just to see a friend whom I missed a lot. Whoever says that I don't value friendship is dead wrong. I may be busy but I make sure to be there for a friend in need. And this is exactly what happened. I think she needed to be surrounded with friends following a breakup. So we ended up chatting until very late in the evening. It's sooooo good to be around her again. I think the reason why we jive so much is because we're both respectful of other people's views. We tend to disagree on things like art theory (she's an art studies major) but most times we have similar views especially when it comes to politics and civil service.

Third weekend was spent with a researcher whom I met at a conference last year. It was soooo good to see her again and to experience her warmth and generosity. We hang out at the library as she was finishing her research before we visited her friend who was equally warm to me. Then she toured me at the wet market in Kamuning and we had dinner at the heritage resto Kamuning Bakery Cafe where I had the longganisa pasta. Yummy!

Third Sunday was spent working on reports. Not yet finished but I sneaked out of the house to watch Deadpool with co-volunteers because Z was temporarily in the PH and would be returning back to China soon. It was an ambush invite but I was glad I was able to meet with them. I had loads of fun with the highly wittily comedic movie.

On the last week, I finally was able to visit my first godchild. Cool!!! The father has become a close friend following our deployment in Cavite last year doing volunteer work. And I finally met his wife, a lovely and warm woman, sweet and caring to their child. I'm so honored to be chosen as the godmother, seeing what a loving couple they are. (And yet they throw me that one question I often hate: When are you getting married???  >.< But I don't even have a boyfriend!!!)

There You'll Be- Valentine's Day 2016

I spent last weekend in Los Banos, Laguna following a sudden invite from a former classmate. We've been planning to meet up since last November but found it hard to sneak the date in our busy schedule. Last Saturday was different. I woke up at 5:30am (instead of the planned 4:30) and left Cubao at 6am. I was lucky to have arrived just as the bus was driving out of the terminal.

We chatted a lot as soon as we saw each other. Four years of just chatting on Facebook was not enough. I cooked curry noodles for her and then we went to UPLB for some yoghurt treat. In the afternoon, we went to Laguna Hotsprings to take a dip in one of Pansol's hotspring resorts. I wanted to submerge my body in the hot waters hoping for the complete healing of my knee which was slightly injured from my last waterfalls hike. But disappointingly, the water was not hot. But we were treated to a surprise fish spa when late in the afternoon, some janitorfish were biting off our dead skin cells. Cute. It was so relaxing I fell asleep. LOL.

While in the waters we talked a lot, catching up on each other's lives. It was comforting to know that I can ask even personal questions and get honest answers. Purely girl talk, plus more. ;)

We had a quick nap before we had dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant and I had their version of tom yum. The shrimps were overcooked but they were in fairly good size so I couldn't compain much. Then off we went to the UP Fair, my first ever. And we both laugh at how I had to travel far to experience UP Fair!

There were lots of people but I didn't mind because being with her is so much fun. Perhaps next year I will try to see for myself what UPD Fair is like. And maybe, just maybe, ask that guy out. (That guy with whom I became close to in Bacolod. He inspires me a lot, and it's pretty rare that guys inspire me this much.)

The following day, my friend and I took a long walk inside UPLB and had breakfast at IRRI canteen. I sneaked a peek at the museum and it's awesome!!! Since I have a bit of grudge at IRRI for not helping the local farmers, I asked that uncomfortable question to her and she clarified that that is PhilRice's job and that IRRI is an international organization. Well that explains things. We really cannot rely on our government to level the playing field and provide a bright future for everyone, which is why I never want to work under it despite the many offers.

It was super hot like the day before and I was afraid I might get dehydrated but we still walked, being pooritas that we are. We had lunch at a Thai resto where I got to eat awesome pad thai. My friend's order of beef noodle soup is also very delicious so I will be ordering that the next time I drop by.

I left Laguna around 2pm, fearing I might get stuck in heavy traffic if I go home late. It's Valentine's Day after all and I would also like to spend the day with my family. Turned out ny sisters went out and so I ended up attending mass with mom and bro.

At night, I finally was able to draw a younger version of my yaya and me as a baby. Hot tears fell but I hope this way I am able to honor her memory on this day of hearts. Because of all the people in the world, she was the one who loved me the most. And this week, falling into contemplation yet again, I thought about how I was able to go through the challenges of life because of her, and how, despite her passing, we seem to be closer than ever. Because I refuse to forget even though it hurts a lot, even though when thoughts of her pop in my mind, I am sure to get teary-eyed and lately it's been hard to control.

So I'm dedicating a drawing and the song "There You'll Be" to the Light of my life. Happy Valentine's Day, yaya. I miss you everyday. 

January 2016

The year opened without a message for myself as I was accustomed to do in the past. The tragedy that struck last year almost paralyzed me and 2016 seemed to be like conquering a new frontier without a compass. It is of course, no big problem for a drifter but having lost an important person whose support had been unwavering and highly encouraging can be devastating.

January is the start of a new chapter in my life. Ten years ago with wide-eyed innocence I stepped in UP Diliman with a big thirst and hunger for knowledge. My first two visits were with the Light. Now, as I embark on a three-year journey towards the fulfillment of a personal goal, I venture alone. I know I can make her proud in this new lease on academic life.

love walking on this road lined with tall trees in Mambukal Resort

solo time at the 7th falls

The first weekend was spent in Negros. It's been a dream to go around Visayas and I am happy that this early I was able to travel. Bacolod is a wonderful place with wonderful people. It's hard to fall in love at first because what greeted me when I entered the city was pollution and it felt as if I were in Metro Manila. But spending time in Mambukal Resort where I hiked up to the seventh falls to bathe with only a guide and then capping off my visit in the ofuro where I chatted with two nice ladies with whom I hitched a ride back to Bacolod, I was temporarily relieved of the depression. 

solo dinner at Mely's garden where I consumed a total of 500 g of seafood. Love the sinigang with batuan and the grilled stuffed squid is also heavenly.

Bacolod Capitol at night

Add to that my awesome stay at Danjugan Island where I got acquainted with bright botanists and where I made friends with some of them. I grew fond of a boy there who's still in his undergraduate studies and I can very well see that with his kindness and brightness he will surely succeed in life. I am also happy to have met cool people with whom I can be comfortable. I wouldn't have expected to share a room with two complete strangers but I did and I think it somehow created an unspoken alliance. Hopefully I get to join them in ethnobotany and other plant research.

honored to be with this wonderful group of botanists

lovely sunset at Danjugan Island which is too beautiful to make one sad

 My last day was spent in Silay but I didn't get to roam around much because I was still tired and sleepy. Nice to have talked to an owner of El Ideal who recommended to me more of Silay's attractions aside from their ancestral houses. We just visited two due to lack of time. I also was able to hear mass at the church but couldn't understand much because everything was in Hiligaynon.

El Ideal's version of pancit malabon: YUMMY!

To make the most of my time before I get busy starting the 3rd week of January, I joined a group of climbers for a hiking adventure. I have been telling my friends countless times that I want to hike up Mt. Manalmon and go on a sidetrip to San Miguel to see the ancestral houses there but everybody was too busy. This time, I didn't let the opportunity pass. We hiked up Mt. Gola first then Mt. Manalmon, both easy climbs. Then we did some caving in Bayucboc Cave. Really except there are some difficult parts there especially for a vertically challenged person like me. Last, we swam at Madlum River.

The following week, I found myself in Laguna. I was invited to an open birthday climb by a hiker who was celebrating his birthday. We became close when we were in Pulag in 2015. Anyway, this time we went falls trekking: Hulugan Falls, Talay Falls, and Hidden Falls. Talay Falls was where we set up rappelling equipment and of the non-experts I was the first to go so I suffered from minor slipping accidents twice. The slope was slippery and one time I slipped and fell into a pool. Thank God I was uninjured but it made my whole body sore for days after.

On the way home from Laguna to Cubao, we had the bad luck of having to stand for some 2 hours inside the bus. My legs were already tired and I badly wanted to sleep. Even so, I managed to take a hot bath at home before going to sweet sleep.

Also this January, I attended the UPFI showing of "Iisa", an indie film about how a typhoon disaster can bind together people regardless of whatever social groups. Bonus is having a groufie with the beautiful Maria Isabel Lopez who was very charming and game. She even taught me the correct angle for the photo! :D

A Bit Ready for Tomorrow

So precious holiday season in 2015 was spent in the office instead of at home. It's okay, as a family we hardly travel together and we see each other every weekends except when I have out-of-town trips. I see it as some sort of distraction to keep me from missing the Light too much. It was the first Christmas, first New Year that she was not with us.

Yesterday browsing through photos in my external HD, I found not a few pictures of her. And luckily she was, for the most part, my subject when I first got hold of my Sony camera in 2011. It's comforting to know that I have saved the videos which still make me laugh because of the silly things she does when on cam, knowing I am behind the camera.

Makes me thankful that at the very least these gadgets are attainable by ordinary people like me. In the 90s only the rich can afford camcorders.

Good news is that I finally was able to tick off five items on my holiday to-do list:

1. Write an article for an online newspaper about the ugly side of the holiday season. I focused more on the huge amount of trash and on illegal street vendors who block pedestrian pathways. The 24th and the 25th were days I finally took courage to bring my camera and do fieldwork in the metro, something I would always shy away from for fear of having my cam stolen.

2. Send photos of artifacts requested by an ex-professor. I have sent the same zipped file for her countless times before. I hope this is the last time. Digging through my files just eats up time for me thanks to my unfocused mind and my tendency to reminisce while looking up photos and videos.

3. Complete tasks for a new project.

4. Finish checking the articles for our little project which ended last November. It's a one-girl team doing all the checking of more than 700 articles!

5. Complete registrations to events. Fingers crossed with hopeful heart.

Now only a few more left:

1. Work on blog backlogs. But sometimes I question myself if it's still relevant. On the other hand, for memories' sake, I'll still do it.

-SG (with focus on my first day spent at Palau Ubin)

-South Korea

-Oriental Mindoro (done with the excavation part, will write about mapping)

-Cavinti falls + visita iglesia part 2 in Laguna

-Laguna part 1 continuation

-farm visit in Sta. Maria, Laguna (my 2015 weekends seem to be spent mostly either in Pangasinan or in Laguna).

-HK wetland park (this I really have to write about)

-Pangasinan part 1

-MX (Teotihuacan, National Museum of Anthropology, Vasconcelos Library)

-Theaters (Rak of Aegis, Mga Buhay na Apoy, Haring Lear)

-Movies (Oro Plata Mata, Stand By Me, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, +plane movies during my MX trip)

2. Transfer my Math noted to index cards. The materials are ready but I just found it hard to sneak this into my schedule.

3. Finish the books I started to read in 2015. Too many to mention. Classic drifter here, yo!

4. Work on my academic papers for publication based on my drafts. At least I was able to present these already. Worked in reverse of what happened in 2014 when I first had my full paper for presentation.

5. Finish the series I started from 2014. (Not really a priority... But I'm itching to share my thoughts on some cool anime series I stumbled upon.)

6. Play music. This I do occasionally to calm my overactive mind.

So there. I'm sure I will have another busy year this year. Bring it on, 2016!

The Art of Literature

Today as I try to put some order in the bedroom, I chanced upon this small piece of paper. Looking back, as a college student, I would borrow books from the library, books which were not required reading but which interested me. My happiest days in college were spent savoring Chinese classic novels and feasting on the literary gems in the form of poetry from different countries. I loved Japanese poetry best, for the subtlety and elegance, the delicate mix of melancholy and celebration of sorrows.

This piece of paper is a transaction receipt from the College of Arts Library, indicating my borrowed items: "Cosmology in Antiquity" and Arthur Schopenhauer's "The Art of Literature". It is from the latter that I derived the quotes in the pic.

On style, Schopenhauer writes that there are two kinds of tediousness:
1. Objective- author has no perfect knowledge he wantd to communicate.
2. Subjective- reader is disinterested in the topic of the author.

Other important thoughts that I found valuable enough to note down are:

"Authors should use common words to say uncommon things."

"Words make truth intelligible."

"Le secret pour être ennuyeux, c'est de tout dire. (...) To use many words to communicate few thoughts is everywhere the unmistakable signs of mediocrity. To gather much thought into few words stamps the man of genius."

"The business of the novelist is not to relate great events, but to make small ones interesting."

On life, which I had been enlightened to at an early age while lapping up the Book of Ecclesiastes:

"Human life is short and fleeting."

On good books:

"A good book should be read at least twice."

On above, I have read not a few good books but due to lack of time, I seldom read a book twice. The Bible I have read numerous times simply because it was the only book I could get hands onto at home when I was young. Now with so many books in my collection, I very rarely reopen a loved book unless required or compelled to do so.