Last week, while COVID-19 lockdown (aka ECQ/ Enhanced Community Quarantine) is on its second week, J sent me a music video of "Love Forever". I wasn't familiar with the song but a quick search shows that it is from the massively popular MMORPG Ragnarok Online. Unfortunately I did not play the game although it did attract me a lot when I was in highschool because of the super cute characters and poring! But I was a poor kid back then, I had to rely on making and selling reviewers for my batchmates to earn money, and the money earned went straight to my college fund. Back then, I was so afraid that my parents would not let me study in college because of their super backward thinking that girls should remain at home, that girls will eventually just get married so an education is not at all needed. But I think it's just a pretext and the very reason they didn't want me, especially my mother, to get higher education was because I outshone my brothers and it was a big blow to her ego as we three girls were raised by our nanny, my dearest yaya. So anyway, early on, all the money that ever came to me was sure to be for my education, and I just contented myself with anime DVDs which I borrowed from friends, so playing R.O which required prepaid cards was out of the question. That, plus paying for prepaid internet cards.
"Love Forever" is actually a duet and the song talks of two lovers who can't see each other and although separated, never cease to think of the other and to wish to go to where the other is. It's a cute song. Later on, I found another duet mixing Mandarin and Japanese, which I readily shared to J. So here I am reproducing the lyrics in the CN-JP version together with my own translation.
蔚藍的天 雲化成你的臉 Blue skies, the clouds transform into your face
你的笑 你的眼 又佔據我的視線 Your smile and your eyes occupy my vision again
暫停時間 沒有離別想念 Time is paused and thoughts where there is no separation
守候在你身邊 直到永遠 Stay by your side forever
空に浮かんだ雲なら If I were a cloud that floats in the sky
あなたにも屆くの then I can follow you to be by your side
別忘記 我們共同的誓言 Do not forget our promise
この空の(天空的) 那一片藍天 This sky, this blue sky
追逐到永遠 We will chase it until forever
Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠 No matter the distance
未來の幸せを夢みてる We will dream of the future together
飛到你的身邊 傾訴著我的思念 I will fly to your side and will pour out my thoughts
我和你的愛戀 ふたリの愛と(兩人的愛) Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠
Love Forever
細語耳邊 在夢醒的晨間 Waking up in the morning with a gentle whisper
你的吻 你的戀 又在我心裡盤旋 Your kiss and your love still linger in my heart
寄語藍天 傳遞我的心願 I send my heart's desire to the blue sky
回到那一瞬間 期待不變 To go back to that moment and wait unchanged
空に羽ばたく鳥なら If I were a small bird flying in the sky
あなたへと飛ベるの then I can fly straight to your arms
只要你 此刻就在我懷間 Only you are in my mind at this very moment
この空の(青空中的) 飛翔在藍天 This sky, flying in this blue sky
一直到永遠 until forever
Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠 No matter the distance
再び會える日を信じてる I still dream of the day when we can embrace each other
飛到你的身邊 傾訴著我的思念 I will fly to your side and pour out my feelings
我和你的愛戀 ふたリの愛と Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠
Love Forever
Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠 No matter the distance
未來の幸せを夢みてる We will dream of the future together
飛到你的身邊 傾訴著我的思念 I will fly to your side and will pour out my thoughts
我和你的愛戀 ふたリの愛と(兩人的愛) Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠
Love Forever
蔚藍的天 雲化成你的臉 Blue skies, the clouds transform into your face
你的笑 你的眼 又佔據我的視線 Your smile and your eyes occupy my vision again
暫停時間 沒有離別想念 Time is paused and thoughts where there is no separation
守候在你身邊 直到永遠 Stay by your side forever
空に浮かんだ雲なら If I were a cloud that floats in the sky
あなたにも屆くの then I can follow you to be by your side
別忘記 我們共同的誓言 Do not forget our promise
この空の(天空的) 那一片藍天 This sky, this blue sky
追逐到永遠 We will chase it until forever
Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠 No matter the distance
未來の幸せを夢みてる We will dream of the future together
飛到你的身邊 傾訴著我的思念 I will fly to your side and will pour out my thoughts
我和你的愛戀 ふたリの愛と(兩人的愛) Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠
Love Forever
細語耳邊 在夢醒的晨間 Waking up in the morning with a gentle whisper
你的吻 你的戀 又在我心裡盤旋 Your kiss and your love still linger in my heart
寄語藍天 傳遞我的心願 I send my heart's desire to the blue sky
回到那一瞬間 期待不變 To go back to that moment and wait unchanged
空に羽ばたく鳥なら If I were a small bird flying in the sky
あなたへと飛ベるの then I can fly straight to your arms
只要你 此刻就在我懷間 Only you are in my mind at this very moment
この空の(青空中的) 飛翔在藍天 This sky, flying in this blue sky
一直到永遠 until forever
Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠 No matter the distance
再び會える日を信じてる I still dream of the day when we can embrace each other
飛到你的身邊 傾訴著我的思念 I will fly to your side and pour out my feelings
我和你的愛戀 ふたリの愛と Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠
Love Forever
Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠 No matter the distance
未來の幸せを夢みてる We will dream of the future together
飛到你的身邊 傾訴著我的思念 I will fly to your side and will pour out my thoughts
我和你的愛戀 ふたリの愛と(兩人的愛) Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠
Love Forever
So I have been listening to this song for about a week already and it made me realize that for some reason, the songs he shares to me somehow become meaningful. Last month, he shared Yuna Ito's "Trust You" which I first thought was a cover of Megumi Hayashibara's song of the same name, the ending song of Shaman King, a beloved anime from my childhood. And I started to listen to the song no end that when we met for karaoke with my friends, I was able to sing it with him.
I like getting songs from people. I'd like to think that what they're sharing is not just the music that moved them, but that they send the song as a heartfelt message when their own words fail them. But I also know that I should be careful not to read too much in these gestures. The world is full of heartbreakers and I cannot afford to have my heart broken again, not when I have successfully picked up the pieces. I must remember his words on an unforgettable February 14, when he gave me a single rose bud which he bought from the sidewalk on his way to SM North EDSA while I waited for almost two hours for him. As he handed it to me together with a brown bag, he said that the rose is for me so that I will feel in one with the crowd since almost every girl's getting one. The brown bag is from his mother, a hair curler packaged in Japanese. I thought, how untimely since I just cut my hair that morning, only to realize later on that it was timely after all since my hair can be wild when short. When later on I thanked his mom in person, she said it was to test if the curler works. So okay. I really should not read too much.
I mean, I don't want to get delusional again and think that there is something special going on with me and J. He himself told me that he was not ready for a relationship after being traumatized by his past relationships. So that in itself already tells to my face a big NO. So I am again left wondering why boys come to me in the first place, make me feel special, and then tell me they have no desire to be in a relationship. I've heard that before and it is all too familiar. It's their polite way of saying they don't like me as a romantic partner. I wish they can be brutally frank like me to make it all easier. So all the more reason to keep my heart guarded because I am noticing the same pattern. It might just be another disastrous affair that will leave me feeling bankrupt and empty in the end. I don't want to go through another hellish of questioning myself and justifying to myself that they are just the wrong guys and that the right man has not yet come. How do you know which one is the right man unless you dive into the cesspool of dating?
So many questions. The overanalyzer in me is revived. The tears have already begun...
I like getting songs from people. I'd like to think that what they're sharing is not just the music that moved them, but that they send the song as a heartfelt message when their own words fail them. But I also know that I should be careful not to read too much in these gestures. The world is full of heartbreakers and I cannot afford to have my heart broken again, not when I have successfully picked up the pieces. I must remember his words on an unforgettable February 14, when he gave me a single rose bud which he bought from the sidewalk on his way to SM North EDSA while I waited for almost two hours for him. As he handed it to me together with a brown bag, he said that the rose is for me so that I will feel in one with the crowd since almost every girl's getting one. The brown bag is from his mother, a hair curler packaged in Japanese. I thought, how untimely since I just cut my hair that morning, only to realize later on that it was timely after all since my hair can be wild when short. When later on I thanked his mom in person, she said it was to test if the curler works. So okay. I really should not read too much.
I mean, I don't want to get delusional again and think that there is something special going on with me and J. He himself told me that he was not ready for a relationship after being traumatized by his past relationships. So that in itself already tells to my face a big NO. So I am again left wondering why boys come to me in the first place, make me feel special, and then tell me they have no desire to be in a relationship. I've heard that before and it is all too familiar. It's their polite way of saying they don't like me as a romantic partner. I wish they can be brutally frank like me to make it all easier. So all the more reason to keep my heart guarded because I am noticing the same pattern. It might just be another disastrous affair that will leave me feeling bankrupt and empty in the end. I don't want to go through another hellish of questioning myself and justifying to myself that they are just the wrong guys and that the right man has not yet come. How do you know which one is the right man unless you dive into the cesspool of dating?
So many questions. The overanalyzer in me is revived. The tears have already begun...
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