Supermoon

So astronomers say that tonight's moon is the biggest supermoon of 2020. Last night I happened to go out to check out my leeks which I have planted after using up the upper stalks and happened to look up at the sky with the golden moon in it. Always the most beautiful jewel. And I envy my plants for being out there in the night sky to enjoy this magnificent spectacle.

If there is one thing I deeply regret this Covid-19, it is that I was not able to pay much attention to my babies. In 2018 I was overcome with this intense desire to do the things I've always wanted to do especially after spending seven months away from home, six in Spain, and one in Indonesia. I felt like a superhero when I came back, even though I found myself in dire straits because of financial problems. I thought to myself, maybe I should just grow my own food so there will be no need to buy. I read up on gardening, bought seeds and thankfully, also received seedlings from many people who are more experienced in gardening. My successes came one after the other for the remaining months of 2018. I was able to successfully get excellent soil from the compost I made from vegetable and fruit wastes. The soil was very dark and it smelled really good. I passed HSK Level 6 at first take and which I prepared for for only three weeks, even though I flunked the listening part as I was not able to focus properly because I suddenly had my period right at the time of the exam and I was only thinking of how to survive the day without making a fool of myself. But then I also think that I am not very good at listening because I struggle with that even in other languages. I was able to pass the comprehensive exam, for me the defining turn if I will continue my masters or not because at that point, I was already too disillusioned with the academe, seeing the same corruption in the government taking place and understanding more fully that even the academe is not spared of nepotism. My exam mates were all shocked to find this girl answering the essays with fury, arriving late in all three exams, and then leaving way too early in all three exams. I was just so depressed back then to find that the stuff I prepared for for two weeks did not show up, and I truly believed it was the end of my masters. But a great miracle happened and I passed the exams. A week after, my money-making wish was also granted. No wonder 2018 will remain my favorite year. I felt like a superwoman back then.

Fast forward to 2020 since there is not much to say about 2019 except for again, the latter part of the year wherein I accomplished very little. For instance, the whole year passed with me not being able to produce a decent thesis proposal. I have been busy learning Business Mandarin as I felt that what we learned in school is too focused on Chinese history and culture and so we graduates are ill-equipped to have business level proficiency unless we do something on our own or enroll in Confucius Institute. Being a language lover, I took on the challenge of doing everything on my own. I was just super lucky to discover excellent books with very good list of business vocabulary accompanying excellent business dialogues. The things I will learn will not benefit me a good deal for a retake of HSK 6 as most words I am learning are not part of the HSK 6 vocabulary. But what the hell, I have long known how mere scraps of paper do not testify to one's competence so I would rather build my skills with or without certificates. I also am proud to finally have made it to Malaysia and to really go around from one city to the other inspite of the smog and haze from Indonesia's forest fires. (I remember writing about this transnational problem during the entrance exam for my masters program.) Backpacking for two and a half weeks made me feel so much more alive. Malaysia is a really beautiful place, except I hate the lack of public transportation which made going around a bit difficult. The food is just superb and I fully understood why they say Malaysia Truly Asia. The food choices are just so wide and as ever, I fell in love with Indian food, Peranakan food, and ate as much asam pedas as I could. A newfound friend there even gifted me with a book "Asam Pedas untuk Dia" when I left his city. I also joined in a trash collection activity and met many earth-lovers. It was tiring and disgusting to pick up cigarette butts and the thought of many smokers nonchalantly throwing butts everywhere is something that I think is very unjust. They themselves should pick up their trash and hopefully quit smoking altogether. I admit when I was young I planned to smoke because I thought it was cool, but I am lucky to have come across important literature on smoking and the harm it contributes to this planet, not just the harmful substances one welcomes into the system, but also social issues of child labor, environmental destruction, artificial famine, etc. So no thanks. I am cool the way I am even though I know in the eyes of others, I am just a weirdo. On second thought there is a lot to be said on my MY trip so I will be writing about my awesome experience there soon.

In 2020, J (or better yet, Q which I think is a cuter name so henceforth I shall refer to him as Q instead) and I are getting to know more about each other. A common classmate, also from the same Russian language class, is set to get married at the end of this month but, since it is announced just today that ECQ will be extended until April 30, the wedding will have to be postponed to I do not know when as there is no official update yet. I chatted with the guy earlier and asked him about possibilities of postponing since my cousin who's getting married in May just announced that the wedding will take place next year instead.

So this ECQ, everyone will probably be expecting that people will finish a lot of tasks, but I am sorry to say that this superwoman is not so super after all. I deal with family stuff and house chores so the thesis will have to take the backseat. It's extra difficult when people in your own family do not see the point of you doing graduate studies and so there is very little moral support. For now I am the one walking kilometers to buy groceries, medicine, and other essentials. I am also expected to cook and wash dishes, among other stuff. Of course, a huge part of my time goes to money-making ventures because I want to live up to my late yaya's wishes for me to become self-reliant and independent, so that never mind if boys will break my heart, at least I can still be my own person. 

It dawns on me at this point how the supermoon can indeed affect the disposition of a person and with many streams of consciousness I find myself asking what the hell am I writing about here. And the title is not apt because I talk very little of the super moon and more about memories of victory, those few triumphant moments in my life that will every now and then inspire me and remind me that miracles abound in this world so I should not lose hope. Heck, I myself am a Miracle.