A Tale of Love and Darkness (2015)

Ramadhan started on the 6th of this month. That day, he told me we are not to see each other for one whole month. I was hurt and troubled. I know he is busy and all, but most times I find myself thinking if I really have a place in his heart and in his life.

So on the 9th, before I jump into an extra hectic schedule which I embraced wholeheartedly to somehow keep him off my mind, I decided to watch a movie alone. It was funny how that week there were heated exchanges of SMS and all throughout the week I was crying hard. Yet we still manage to remind each other to bring an umbrella because the rainy season is upon us. Or maybe we just want to find an excuse to text each other and show that we care despite the misunderstandings. Either way, when he texted to say it was raining and for me to take care going home, I replied saying I would be at UP to "take a walk because I just wanted to be in a place full of trees". Wild child still.

But I fought hard, braving the heavy Metro traffic, to end up at UPFI to attend the free screening of A Tale of Love and Darkness, a movie by Natalie Portman. It's a heartbreaking movie (or maybe I read too much of my own situation into it) about a family striving to live a normal life in the new state of Israel following World War 2. The Palestinians are of course not too happy since the state was formed on their land. (And we see how malicious the West is when they cause border and frontier issues which remain to this day.) The movie was based on Amos Oz's book of the same title, an autobiography that reveals his pro-Zionist sentiments but without discounting the possible peaceful coexistence with Palestinians.

Amos' story focused in his mother Fania, played by Natalie Portman herself. Fania was a romantic, seemingly infatuated with a strong man who can do manual labor, in contrast to the person she married. Amos' father was a writer who loved etymologies, by the way, and he took pride in this as this gift was what made Fania fall in love with him. Unbeknownst to him, Fania suffers from the marriage, snubbed and bullied by her mother-in-law. Until there came a point when she falls into depression and young Amos had to take care of her. And she repeatedly told him that he was her Light, her only joy. (At this mention, I couldn't help but cry as I thought of the Light of my Life...)

The movie ends showing a teenager Amos driving a tractor. He had become a farmer, a realization of his mother's fantasies.

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Rarely do I see a jampacked UPFI and because I came in around 7:20, I had to be on my feet for the whole duration of the film. Didn't matter to me because I liked the movie although the love part was not emphasized. Darkness pervades the whole film. Love was evident only in Fania's sweet talk to young Amos and well, how Amos put her as the central character in the story.

Self-Date 01122013

Last week, feeling a bit sick of everyday routine and craving for some fresh cool air, I visited my beloved alma mater with a plan to catch a movie at UPFI at 10am. I arrived 30 minutes late, huffing and puffing from running, only to be disappointed because I was the only one who would be watching at that time and the staff decided to just show the movie at 1pm. I decided to just wait for that time and walked to the back of Bahay ng Alumni, intent on going to Shopping Center and later on to Noon Mass.

Then I saw many people wearing jersey uniform of different colors at the track and field oval. Curious, I stopped for a while and realized that there was a soccer tournament. I asked the girl beside me what was going on and she told me it was an inter-school tournament and that participating schools are med schools, including UP College of Medicine. And boy, was I surprised to find an ex-crush playing for UP there! So I guess he was one of the lucky ones to get into UP Med. I was happy for him.

Watching them play made me miss playing out in the field. I remember back in high school, I was already about to graduate when I was invited to join the soccer team and so I had not savored fully the joy of running against the wind chasing and kicking balls. With my hectic schedule though, I doubt if I will be able to play again soon.

15 minutes before noon, I walked away and headed to the Church of the Risen Lord. Sometimes I wonder why I enjoy more when going to mass alone. When mass ended, I went back to watching soccer then back to UPFI.

And arriving there, I learned that I was still the sole audience. I decided to buy my ticket anyway and told myself, this will be the first time I watch a movie all by myself in a huge theater. Another feather added to my hat LOL. But then again, knowing many ghost stories in UP made me feel scared. When the film started, with Santa Santita’s opening scene of saints with creepy background music, I decided I would leave the theater after 10 minutes IF nobody would come in. At that time, I berated myself for not doing a research first on what the movie is about. I certainly am NOT thrilled nor do I look forward to watching a horror movie all ALONE inside a big dark theater. No! My hear would faint in a matter of seconds.

It’s still a good thing that two women came in shortly and I was relieved. Still it felt lonely to be part of a three-person audience. And I would think again of how indie films fare oh so poorly because people apparently support those stupid but very popular romcoms and horror flicks.

The movie is partially a documentary of women who offer prayers to those very much in need in exchange for money. Angelica Panganiban plays the role of Malen, the daughter of a prayerwoman who cares only for money and does not believe in prayers. She is seen as a promiscuous, materialistic young woman who cannot even support herself. When her mother died, she assumed the role of prayerwoman just to earn money. When her prayers proved to be effective, she learned of her divine mission, was humbled and learned to serve other people with such devotion. This reminds me of Mary Magdalene, a prostitute whose life changed when she met Jesus.

After the movie, the two women approached me. I was happy to have had the chance to chat with them. The older woman was an avid traveler and she gave me lots of helpful tips, encouraging me to go out and see the world. Of course the thing is, I have financial concerns and cannot travel as much as I’d like to. (Though this year, I’m inclined to get the most of my post-acad life and enjoy as much as possible with my hard-earned money.)

I went back to the track and field oval, hoping to see another game before I go home. When I saw again my ex-crush and saw him walking towards where I was, I turned around and ran away, with The Corrs’ lyrics playing in my head “I will run away… I will run away with FROM you, coz I I’m falling in love with you…” Always the coward in matters of the heart. When will I ever learn? Though really, I am so over him now. It’s just that I wanted to save myself my awkward situations.