Love Forever (Ragnarok Online)

Last week, while COVID-19 lockdown (aka ECQ/ Enhanced Community Quarantine) is on its second week, J sent me a music video of "Love Forever". I wasn't familiar with the song but a quick search shows that it is from the massively popular MMORPG Ragnarok Online. Unfortunately I did not play the game although it did attract me a lot when I was in highschool because of the super cute characters and poring! But I was a poor kid back then, I had to rely on making and selling reviewers for my batchmates to earn money, and the money earned went straight to my college fund. Back then, I was so afraid that my parents would not let me study in college because of their super backward thinking that girls should remain at home, that girls will eventually just get married so an education is not at all needed. But I think it's just a pretext and the very reason they didn't want me, especially my mother, to get higher education was because I outshone my brothers and it was a big blow to her ego as we three girls were raised by our nanny, my dearest yaya. So anyway, early on, all the money that ever came to me was sure to be for my education, and I just contented myself with anime DVDs which I borrowed from friends, so playing R.O which required prepaid cards was out of the question. That, plus paying for prepaid internet cards.

"Love Forever" is actually a duet and the song talks of two lovers who can't see each other and although separated, never cease to think of the other and to wish to go to where the other is. It's a cute song. Later on, I found another duet mixing Mandarin and Japanese, which I readily shared to J. So here I am reproducing the lyrics in the CN-JP version together with my own translation.

蔚藍的天　雲化成你的臉        Blue skies, the clouds transform into your face
你的笑　你的眼　又佔據我的視線   Your smile and your eyes occupy my vision again
暫停時間　沒有離別想念        Time is paused and thoughts where there is no separation
守候在你身邊　直到永遠        Stay by your side forever

空に浮かんだ雲なら   If I were a cloud that floats in the sky
あなたにも屆くの      then I can follow you to be by your side
別忘記　我們共同的誓言  Do not forget our promise
この空の(天空的)　那一片藍天  This sky, this blue sky
追逐到永遠                         We will chase it until forever

Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠     No matter the distance
未來の幸せを夢みてる We will dream of the future together
飛到你的身邊　傾訴著我的思念 I will fly to your side and will pour out my thoughts
我和你的愛戀　ふたリの愛と(兩人的愛) Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠                            
Love Forever

細語耳邊　在夢醒的晨間        Waking up in the morning with a gentle whisper 
你的吻　你的戀　又在我心裡盤旋 Your kiss and your love still linger in my heart
寄語藍天　傳遞我的心願      I send my heart's desire to the blue sky
回到那一瞬間　期待不變      To go back to that moment and wait unchanged

空に羽ばたく鳥なら          If I were a small bird flying in the sky
あなたへと飛ベるの    then I can fly straight to your arms
只要你　此刻就在我懷間   Only you are in my mind at this very moment
この空の(青空中的)　飛翔在藍天 This sky, flying in this blue sky
一直到永遠                       until forever

Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠      No matter the distance
再び會える日を信じてる I still dream of the day when we can embrace each other
飛到你的身邊　傾訴著我的思念   I will fly to your side and pour out my feelings
我和你的愛戀　ふたリの愛と Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠
Love Forever

Forever In My Heart
不管距離多麼遠     No matter the distance
未來の幸せを夢みてる We will dream of the future together
飛到你的身邊　傾訴著我的思念 I will fly to your side and will pour out my thoughts
我和你的愛戀　ふたリの愛と(兩人的愛) Our love, the two of us will love until forever.
愛直到永遠                            
Love Forever

So I have been listening to this song for about a week already and it made me realize that for some reason, the songs he shares to me somehow become meaningful. Last month, he shared Yuna Ito's "Trust You" which I first thought was a cover of Megumi Hayashibara's song of the same name, the ending song of Shaman King, a beloved anime from my childhood. And I started to listen to the song no end that when we met for karaoke with my friends, I was able to sing it with him.

I like getting songs from people. I'd like to think that what they're sharing is not just the music that moved them, but that they send the song as a heartfelt message when their own words fail them. But I also know that I should be careful not to read too much in these gestures. The world is full of heartbreakers and I cannot afford to have my heart broken again, not when I have successfully picked up the pieces. I must remember his words on an unforgettable February 14, when he gave me a single rose bud which he bought from the sidewalk on his way to SM North EDSA while I waited for almost two hours for him. As he handed it to me together with a brown bag, he said that the rose is for me so that I will feel in one with the crowd since almost every girl's getting one. The brown bag is from his mother, a hair curler packaged in Japanese. I thought, how untimely since I just cut my hair that morning, only to realize later on that it was timely after all since my hair can be wild when short. When later on I thanked his mom in person, she said it was to test if the curler works. So okay. I really should not read too much.

I mean, I don't want to get delusional again and think that there is something special going on with me and J. He himself told me that he was not ready for a relationship after being traumatized by his past relationships. So that in itself already tells to my face a big NO. So I am again left wondering why boys come to me in the first place, make me feel special, and then tell me they have no desire to be in a relationship. I've heard that before and it is all too familiar. It's their polite way of saying they don't like me as a romantic partner. I wish they can be brutally frank like me to make it all easier. So all the more reason to keep my heart guarded because I am noticing the same pattern. It might just be another disastrous affair that will leave me feeling bankrupt and empty in the end. I don't want to go through another hellish of questioning myself and justifying to myself that they are just the wrong guys and that the right man has not yet come. How do you know which one is the right man unless you dive into the cesspool of dating?

So many questions. The overanalyzer in me is revived. The tears have already begun...

喻佳麗-我也難過

一眨眼你哭了 (In the blink of an eye you are crying) 有話想對我說 (wanting to tell me something) 你害怕就忘了 (You are afraid and you forget) 好像從沒見過我 (as if you have never met me) 你愛我我走了 (You love me but I left) 我也不想這樣做 (I also didn't want to do something like that) 可是真的想對你說 (But I really want to tell you) 明天開始就重新來過 (Starting tomorrow we'll start anew) 你讓我幸福過快樂過 (You gave me good fortune and happiness) 這些我都還記得 (I remember all of these) 別懷疑我 (Don't doubt me) 離開你我也痛哭傻了 (When I left you I also hurt to the point of going crazy) 忘記吧那些經過 (Just forget everything because the past) 都別再留 (will never remain) 我愛你可是你也說過 (I love you but you also said) 愛情並不是停留 (That love will never reach its stopover) 不往前走 (and will never move forward) 可是分岔的路口 (But when we reach the two-forked road) 你向左我往哪裡走 (Which path do you want me to take?) 告訴我 (Tell me)


Translated by The Sweet Melo Touch
Lyrics copied from the Youtube video.

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In less than a month I am going home and must remember to be strong no matter what. As I have learned, love is not just a feeling, but the willingness to exert effort and to work things out so that the relationship deepens and lovers grow. This song, with its simple words, capture exactly how I feel about A. I should have stopped seeing him a long time ago when he made it clear he doesn't want to commit. I was just too stupid and maybe too afraid of starting a new life without him. But six months far away from home made me realize I am very different from other women. While women in the West proudly proudly proclaim themselves to be strong and independent, I roll my eyes because they can't even travel alone nor can they achieve anything without relying on men (and using men in the process). Moreover, despite the many things that happened to me, despite the many encounters with narcissistic people and friendly users, I never lost my true self, I never gave up on humanity and retained that warmth and openness. I will always remember what a dear friend told me, that I should believe that I will encounter good people because I am also a good person. I am just too different and I now realize that I am far stronger than most people.

I let you go now and this is the last time I will cry for you.

07282012: 300 Years of Philippine Maps @ Metropolitan Museum of Manila

Last July 28 (Saturday), despite the rains and fears of being stranded due to flooding in one of Manila's flood prone areas, my friend and I attended the lecture by Dr. Benito Legarda Jr. on the life of Fr. Pedro Murillo Velarde at the Metropolitan Museum of Manila in Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas Complex, Roxas Boulevard. Dr. Legarda also talked about the Filipino engraver Nicolas de la Cruz Bagay, among other things like the problems encountered in map-creation during those times, and also the differences between the 1734 and 1744 maps of the Philippines.

We were surprised to find out that Dr Legarda's talk was supposed to be held a week before our visit but due to bad weather, it was moved to July 28. In the afternoon, Florentina Colayco of UP College of Fine Arts talked about the artistic aspect involved in mapmaking, thus shifting the discourse from the scientific to the artistic. She gave examples of artworks associated with spatial identities, dislocation, utopian visions, protest against war, technology, and uprisings.

After this, Metropolitan Museum Director Sandra Palomar Quan hosted the guided tour upstairs where different artworks were on display. I especially find the exhibit on bottles interesting. In it, the artist turned regular bottles of ketchup, cheese spreads, and the like into works of art. Also, a post with many signs ubiquitous in the cities of Metro Manila, while considered an eyesore, here triumphs in calling the attention of visitors. Chunks of painted cement, on the other hand, may cause eyebrows to raise and may make one question if it is art. It's always interesting to know how artists create their works and where they derive ideas, and when you do understand why something is made the way it is, you appreciate it better.

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This post would include my first photo for the mere reason that the museum acknowledged my help with the exhibit. I volunteered as translator of the texts accompanying the maps from English to Filipino.

胡楊林-香水有毒

Just stumbled upon this song video and instantly liked it. The song is about a girl who discovers that her man is having an affair with another woman.

Lyrics:

我曾經愛過這樣一個男人  I loved this kind of man
他說我是世上最美的女人  He said I was the most beautiful woman in the world

我為他保留著那一份天真 I preserved for him a little innocence

關上愛別人的門               And did not entertain the thought of loving others.

也是這個被我深愛的男人  And this same man who loved me deeply 

把我變成世上最笨的女人  Made me the world's most foolish woman

他說的每句話我都會當真  I believed his every word

他說最愛我的純                He said it's my purity he loved most.

我的要求並不高                     I do not even have high standards

待我像從前一樣好                 Just treat me well like in the past

可是有一天你說了同樣的話  But one day you said the same thing

把別人擁入懷抱                    yet embraced another person

你身上有她的香水味             Her perfume's scent is on your body

是我鼻子犯的罪                    It's the fault of my nose

不該嗅到她的美                    It should not have smelled her beauty

擦掉一切陪你睡                    I'll wipe everything out by sleeping with you

你身上有她的香水味             Her perfume's scent is on your body

是你賜給的自卑                    You lowered my self-esteem

你要的愛太完美                    You wanted a love that is too beautiful

我永遠都學不會                    I can never give that to you.