The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

“Fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free.”

A former officemate had always urged me to watch The Shawshank Redemption knowing how much I love to bash institutions. It took me more than five years to do so. I guess this vacation is doing me good because finally I am able to relax and take my time catching up on the things I put in the backseat while I was busy working for private companies and getting undercompensated and unappreciated because of cost-cutting and you know, office politics. Time flies so fast and in two months’ time I will be back to my beloved country.

That office friend sure knows my tastes. The movie doesn’t disappoint. The whole time I was watching, I was put in a rollercoaster ride with different feelings thrown and and with the suspense killing me. Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) is a banker who is wrongly sentenced to life in the Shawshank Prison for murdering his wife and her lover. He just so happens to have passed by the house of the other man with his gun and some evidences pointing to him not to mention that he has a very good motive for the murder. In prison, he is quiet and keeps to himself, and attracts the attention of a group of homosexuals called “The Sisters” who rape him many times. (At this point, I think about the many innocent people languishing in jail for the crimes they do not commit while the real criminals are out in the open without a conscience and without guilt that other people are paying for their evils. Such is the reality of the fucked up justice system and the equally fucked up investigative units.)

What is really admiring in Andy is that despite the many sufferings and hardships, he still is able to hold on to his humanity. He offers his financial services which alters his fate. Helping a guard captain named Byron Hadley gets him protected from the Sisters when, after Andy is almost killed, Bogs is beaten hard and is left crippled and transferred to another ward. The reward he wants for helping Hadley is for his prisonmates who work on the roofings to enjoy buckets of cold beer in summer, a brief but unforgettable feeling of freedom sweeping over the prisoners, as narrated by Red (Morgan Freeman).

Andy with Brook in the prison library which Andy helped to improve knowing that books and knowledge empowers.

Andy is then moved to the prison library where he initiate many changes including asking for funds relentlessly until the state finally accedes to his requests. There he works with Brook Hatlen who eventually is granted parole but realizing he cannot live in the world outside of prison as he “has been institutionalized” as Red would say it, he commits suicide. (I cried on the scene where he seems overwhelmed by how much things have changed as he crosses the street trying not to get hit by cars. Tears fell when he was mocked while working as a bagger in a supermarket. As Red says, inside the prison Brook felt important but in society at large, he is dispensable. Broke my heart big time.) Anyway, Andy’s transfer to the library is just a pretext as the hypocritical warden Samuel Norton wants to make a slave out of him to help him with his “projects” involving prison labor and bribery. It is then that Andy starts his move to launder money to an account of a fictitious man named Randall Stephens.

I cried in this part where Brooks feels trapped in the outside world after spending most of his life inside the prison

Almost twenty years has passed and there is a new inmate named Tommy Williams who eventually learns of Andy’s crime and shares that in one prison he has been to, there was a man who actually murdered Andy’s wife and the lover. Andy requests for another trial from Norton after learning this, with the assurance that Tommy whom he helped educate, will testify to his innocence. But Norton dismisses the request and orders Hadley to kill Tommy, covering the murder as justification for escape attempt. Andy’s patience of twenty years pays off when finally having the opportunity he escapes with Norton’s documents from prison and makes his way to Zihuatanejo, where he plans to spend the rest of his life. He gets the money under the name of Randall Stephens and sends the money laundering books to the newspaper. His revenge finally in motion a la Count of Monte Cristo. Hadley is arrested while Norton commits suicide before the police can get to him.

After many years, Red received parole and struggles to live outside of prison like Brook. In fact he comes to the place where Brook has been and also worked in the supermarket as bagger. Finally tired of it all, he leaves and looks for Andy by first going to the oak tree in Buxton where Andy proposed to his wife. Then he travels to Texas and finally reunites with his friend.

I just feel so relieved that this one ended well. This movie is a must-see to open the eyes of everyone of the struggles of convicts once they go out of prison. I really don’t care about the rich who get locked up, my main concern is for those who are wrongly convicted because the years spent in prison one can no longer get back. I remember Lav Diaz’s “Norte” movie which also has this theme, wherein the educated-turned-madman kills a lady but it is the poor worker who serves jailtime thus missing the time that should have been spent with his family.

Some important quotes I wouldn’t want to forget:

Andy: "The funny thing is, on the outside I was an honest man straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to become a crook." (Andy on realizing how he is being used by Norton for the latter’s illegal activities.)

Andy: "My wife used to say I'm hard man, you know, like a closed book. Complained about it all the time. She was beautiful. God, I loved her. I just didn't know how to show it, that's all. I killed her (...) I didn't pull the trigger, but I drove her away. That's why she died because of me, the way I am." (Andy recounts how guilty he is for his wife’s death even though he is not the one who killed her.)

Andy: "You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory." (Andy shares to Red where he wants to retire.)

Red: "Some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is much more drab and empty that they're gone." (on Andy’s escape from prison)

Red: "Terrible thing to live in fear (...) All I want is to be back where things make sense, where I won't be afraid all the time."

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A warm place with no memory… pretty much what I also desire for myself to forget the past three years full of sadness and unfortunate events. How many poets have wished for the same especially in moments of heartbreak?

给我一杯忘情水， 还我一夜不流泪… (Coz lately I have been missing him so much it hurts and I think of the few times he had been nice and sweet to me although I know that I shouldn’t. He is free to flirt with girls now. I should just stay away because my game is always about loyalty and respect with no room for flirting. We’re just too different in that respect.)

The Art of Literature

Today as I try to put some order in the bedroom, I chanced upon this small piece of paper. Looking back, as a college student, I would borrow books from the library, books which were not required reading but which interested me. My happiest days in college were spent savoring Chinese classic novels and feasting on the literary gems in the form of poetry from different countries. I loved Japanese poetry best, for the subtlety and elegance, the delicate mix of melancholy and celebration of sorrows.

This piece of paper is a transaction receipt from the College of Arts Library, indicating my borrowed items: "Cosmology in Antiquity" and Arthur Schopenhauer's "The Art of Literature". It is from the latter that I derived the quotes in the pic.

On style, Schopenhauer writes that there are two kinds of tediousness:
1. Objective- author has no perfect knowledge he wantd to communicate.
2. Subjective- reader is disinterested in the topic of the author.

Other important thoughts that I found valuable enough to note down are:

"Authors should use common words to say uncommon things."

"Words make truth intelligible."

"Le secret pour être ennuyeux, c'est de tout dire. (...) To use many words to communicate few thoughts is everywhere the unmistakable signs of mediocrity. To gather much thought into few words stamps the man of genius."

"The business of the novelist is not to relate great events, but to make small ones interesting."

On life, which I had been enlightened to at an early age while lapping up the Book of Ecclesiastes:

"Human life is short and fleeting."

On good books:

"A good book should be read at least twice."

On above, I have read not a few good books but due to lack of time, I seldom read a book twice. The Bible I have read numerous times simply because it was the only book I could get hands onto at home when I was young. Now with so many books in my collection, I very rarely reopen a loved book unless required or compelled to do so.

Mario Feir Private Library, BGC

BGC has always struck me as an inconvenient place for meetups and dates so when volunteers of a Wiki project were to meet there to do a mini edit-a-thon, I was hesitant but ultimately decided to show up. How can I say no to libraries? Besides, this one being private means that you have to have the necessary connections to access the collection.

So one day I found myself riding the MRT again. It's only on weekends when you can truly appreciate the value of the MRT system. And because it's been ages since I last stepped in BGC, I was surprised to find that they have a small bus similar to those in other countries. These mini buses stop only at designated stops. One day I wish the government will just take over the transportation system in the country to eliminate unruly bus and jeepney drivers. They are one of the two major reasons why traffic is BAD in the Philippines, the other being that there are just too many vehicles on the road.

The library houses a LOT of old, rare, and out-of-print books. I was able to find Florentino Hornedo's book "Taming the Wind" about the ethnocultural history of Batanes. I searched hard for that book after I came back from Batanes last May but in vain.

I was also very much impressed to see archaeology-related books on the shelves. Later on, I would learn from a fellow volunteer that the Mario Feir Library is actually a friend of ASP. Really nice! (Now I would love to go back to school as this library is getting me excited to do research on just about anything!!!)

So last month found me in that place. Lucky me to have had gotten more out of the difficult commute because a friend wanted to see a Korean performance and she invited me to go with her. I naturally said yes since it means bonding time for us. 

After the performance I took her to the weekend food market at Mercato, which was a long walk but we chatted a lot anyway so it didn't seem too far. We talked about our immediate and long-term plans, where we plan to go to next, how we could spend time together before she flies to Japan next year.

It was a pretty evening. More so because I truly enjoyed her company. Sharing a lot of similarities certainly helped cement our friendship. To think that we were only introduced by a common friend and have been looking out for each other ever since then. Just the kind of friendship I deeply appreciate and treasure.

I Need to Graduate!!!

It's been close to two years. Only a month to go and I'll know if I'll graduate or not. For the meantime, I am struggling with a paper and lots of extra work in the form of transcriptions and translations which seem like an endless task. Whew! These days I'm super stressed, and I think even my students notice that. These past few days, they were telling me I'm always in a bad mood, that I'm irritable and such. I even receive a text message from one of my students. He/she only introduced himself/herself as a student of mine. Anyway, he/she sent me a text message telling me to eat desserts when I'm stressed because STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled backwards. Really cute. I appreciate that a lot. I admire students who can be sweet to their teachers. Because I certainly am not the sweetest person alive. (Though I am understanding and caring, I'm not the type to be sweet to people with whom I spend only a short period of time.)

Today at SM North EDSA's Northern Sale, I headed to Booksale again. It's been weeks since my last visit and I'm itching to browse the shelves and find treasures. And indeed find treasures I did. I saw a book by Michael Shermer, a skeptic and author of a book I once used as reference for a major paper. Back then I was impressed by his thoughts and his manner of writing, which was targeted at the lay person. The title of the book is "The Science of Good and Evil".

And I realized how much I miss spending time alone by myself with just a book in hand. I miss reading on the bed and falling asleep afterwards with the book's contents replaying in my dream. I realized that all these years I have been hoarding a lot of books and yet I only read only a handful of them. That's because the libraries at UP have the best books and I can't help but read them first before I read my own purchases. Just recently, I saw a new book at the CAL library. "Rereading the Stone" is a whole new interpretation of the Chinese classic Hongloumeng or Dream of the Red Chamber. It probably is the best fiction I have ever read. I was haunted by it for months on end after I read the novel. At present, I think it will haunt me again. I look forward to savoring the book while reminiscing about the most tragic love story that I have ever read. Such is the passion put in and found in the novel that I cannot help but shed tears for its manifestation of powerful emotions. And I am not ashamed to say that I was depressed for weeks because of that book.

Aside from books, there are lots of seemingly excellent movies this year that I want to catch on the big screen. For instance, there's Star Wars in 3D, The Hobbit and many others. And I do miss watching anime without a care in the world. I miss the freedom during the old days when life was more carefree and more relaxing. So I have to graduate. Whatever happens, I must graduate. And write my paper I must.

Excavating the National Archives and Thinking of Librarians

I'm back to doing archival research following the end of the archaeological impact assessment at Intramuros in which I volunteered, seeing it as an opportunity to practice my excavation skills. (I do admit that I suck at troweling and I have yet to master the art of walling.) Also, it's my way of training myself in recording which is of course the most important thing we do as archaeologists.

That experience in urban archaeology deserves an article on its own. Right now, the focus is archival research.

I used to dream of being a researcher, locked up in a library browsing old brittle documents with a magnifier, going to different libraries, checking out their collections, consolidating the data gathered and writing a report. I guess being a bibliophile and an avid reader inspired me a lot. Besides, I do think that people who read are hot. (I can just imagine Nico Robin of One Piece, and the girls of Read or Die, and also, the yokai in Bungaku Shoujo right now and I miss watching anime... SIGH!) But along the way, I developed into an adventure-seeker and now I am training to be an archaeologist, though I am happy to have been assigned to go to the National Archives where I feel most at home surrounded by books and yellowed papers. (Never mind the dust, my lungs seem to have adapted well since I have been visiting The Stacks at the Main Library since I was an undergraduate student.)

People may have negative opinions of libraries. Librarians tend to be strict, grumpy, and unfriendly. I do have my share of moments when librarians would reprimand me for misbehaving and for attempting to enter restricted areas. But these people, the librarians, they are the guardians of books and books I regard as friends, and this view of mine has never changed since I was young, thus my utmost respect toward librarians. Besides, viewing them in a negative way is unfair because most librarians I have met are warm and friendly. There are of course friendly ones who smile at me, probably because I frequent libraries and I already look familiar to them. But the one thing I love most about librarians is their willingness to help whenever I am in need of references when doing research, making access to information easier.

I remember a particular librarian in the Main Library who often smiles at me when she sees me. She's also the first ever librarian to have attempted to befriend me. When I'm busy and haven't visited the library for a long time, chances are, she'll ask me where I've been. There's one ugly day in my undergraduate years when a series of unfortunate events befell me but she asking me about my day made me feel better. That simple gesture certainly made my day.

(Come to think of it, I miss the Main Library...)

So anyway, today I went to the National Archives and saw the wonderful people there again. We researchers provide each other with information regarding our respective research. For instance, one does research on local history, I do research on both economic history and local history, one has an interest in cemeteries, etc. Interacting with fellow researchers is fun; you get to learn new things. Besides, joking around and having someone to talk to while doing research makes the work more bearable and enjoyable since archival research is no easy task and needs lots of patience.

But excavating the archives has been a good training ground for me.Not only do I get to use my knowledge of Spanish, I also get introduced to the usage of Spanish. Not only do I transcribe and translate documents, I also keep track of differences in orthography, semantics, and syntax. This makes me appreciate the dynamism of the Spanish language better.

I guess I'll be having another INC this semester. But what the hell, I am enjoying the learning process. There's just so much to learn in places other than the university. To hell with academic rules! It's time that students draft their own learning curriculum. I happen to prefer DOING AND THINKING rather than just thinking inside the classroom.

(Yes, dear readers, I do know that I write horribly, always typing as I think without bothering to check if my thoughts are coherent or not. Reflects my chaotic mind... But I have a pretty good excuse: I am also currently TRYING to finish a major paper as I write this....)