Airplanes

And so I got my first airplane ride this year last Valentine's Day. There's always the feeling of excitement when one sees land from up above. It reminds me of aerial surveys I only get to read about in archaeology books. It has always been a dream to actually experience doing aerial survey, I am sure to have adrenaline rush and to have my heart pounding fast since honestly, I am a bit of an acrophobic.

There's always a peaceful feeling sweeping over one so preoccupied with many things when one sees clouds of different forms. There's always that feeling of becoming a god, who sees everything from above. There's always that feeling of lightness, as if one is finally free from gravity. And there's always that overwhelming feeling of being a bit tad lucky to be able to witness these wonderful things.

How to Love Her

An entry in my diary dated January 16, 2013 (Wed) says "I'm scared of falling in love. I'm scared of loving the wrong person. Worse, I'm scared of losing myself when in love."

Many times over, these have constantly appeared in my diaries whenever I would find myself liking someone, and it bothers me why I still am the same person I used to be, though a bit better I hope in terms of dealing with people.

Friends tell me this becomes a problem when combined with the fact that I am intimidating, or rather, boys are easily intimidated because of my strong personality and/or nerdy look. While I do admit that, I also do not hide my need for human companionship because it's what gives me strength. Because beneath the strong facade lies a sentimental heart, easily swayed, easily hurt. It's as simple as that, I am not what I appear to be, really.

And so I thought of this guide, which may be applicable to other girls as well.

How do you love her? Let me count the ways.

Amuse her. Share funny anecdotes. Make her smile. Make her laugh. Bring out her happy self. 

Astound her. Spark her interest in new things. Fuel her passion for things she is already interested in. 

Understand her. She is an enigma, her words cryptic. She is a wheel, with ever-changing moods. But do know that whatever comes out of her mouth, she seeks not to offend nor hurt anyone.

Above all, love her. And with love comes respect and trust. 

Sounds difficult, right?

There are a thousand ways more to show her you like her. Below are some simple ways:

Send her sweet messages.

Hold her hand.

Touch her cheek.

Hug her from behind, especially when she's feeling down.

Write her a poem or a love letter.

Read to her your favorite poems.

Sing to her you favorite songs.

Walk with her.

Appreciate her silence even when you're together.

Converse with her about anything under the sun and beyond.

Rest her head on your shoulder.

etcetera

January 2013

And so it's February again, with lots of backlog carried over from last month. I've been planning a lot on how to accomplish tasks to no avail due to inevitable circumstances and surprise happenings that led to another failure in achieving my goals.

On the whole though, I'm pretty happy last month, having gone out with my tourmates thrice. I know that it may be because we just got back from a week-long trip and pretty much everybody misses everybody else and it may take a while before everything settles to being normal again. "Normal" meaning each going out with his or her usual group of friends prior to joining the tour. I have experienced this a lot and so I always remind myself never ever to get attached.

2013 has got many interesting movies to watch, some of which I have been anticipating since last year. I almost fell into a sad state when I wasn't able to watch The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey last year and I am glad to have had watched it last month, with my tourmates. The venue was SM NE Imax Theater and I am not even a fan of SM Cinemas but at that time, only SM was showing said movie. Two days before that, I watched Les Misérables with a close girl friend and her mom, also at SM The Block.

At UPFI I watched Nacidas para sufrir, a drama comedy about an old woman who was aunt to three nieces. To help her and keep her company, the three nieces hired Purita, a saintly woman. Purita and Aunt Flora then got married just so the latter can bequeath her properties to the former. Trouble ensues when Purita's family entered the scene, leaving Aunt Flora desolate and penniless.

Also, I watched Santa Santita, a 2004 film by Laurice Guillen at the UPFI on a date with myself. When my archaeo friends invited me to go out with them to watch Hansel and Gretel I couldn't resist and found myself admiring the graphics of this movie. I just love blood and gore. Visual feast for me!!!

And speaking of self-dating, I also watched Katy the Musical alone though before that, I was with college friends touring a Thai exchange student around Malate. Katy is one energetic musical. I so love the singing and the dancing. And Isay Alvarez will become one of my fave actresses now, with her ultra commendable portrayal of vaudeville queen Katy dela Cruz. Also, I am surprised at Tirso Cruz and Epy Quizon's performance. I never thought they could do this well in theater! When I told my parents about how awed I was at Tirso Cruz's singing, they told me that he was not paired with Nora Aunor for nothing! I was like, WOW! (I'm not a Nora Aunor fan though.)

closing of Katy the Musical at CCP Little Theater

One thing I liked about January is that my sisters and I got to have our sisterly date again. We had dinner at Thai Manila along Tomas Morato. Since it was the first time we had Thai food, we were all overwhelmed by the strong flavors. Still, I think I'll love Thai food since I love spices. I hate ginger though.

Spring rolls, beef with veggies, and fried rice at Thai Manila- Tomas Morato

I also got to try out new restaurants thanks mainly to family dinner, and spontaneous invitations from college friends. Maybe it's the Heavens' way of making me busy, to distract myself from that boy who's in my mind a lot these days.

Glass ceiling of King's Chef- Lucky Chinatown

In addition, I think I am starting to run again. I'm not challenged much with brisk walking, it being part of my everyday routine already. I'm planning to put on my running shoes and experience the joy of moving the air and letting the wind blow through my hair. Running makes me feel alive. It makes me feel free. It makes me feel invulnerable.

I also started to draw again. One sleepless night I picked up the pencil and drawing book given to me by an officemate last Christmas. I picked out my Groove Adventure Rave manga and drew Elle, a dancing Elle with a look of happiness on her face.

And to end January, lines from X-Japan's "Endless Rain" keep playing inside my head:

"It's a dream, I'm in love with you (...)

The dream is over

聲にならない　

言葉を繰り返しても高すぎる　

灰色の壁は過ぎ去った日の思い出を　

夢に写すUntil I can forget your love"

Because I have grown used to him and yet I was left hanging... I should have known better.

Les Miserables (2012)

Les Miserables is the first movie I watched in theaters this 2013. Being one of the most anticipated films of 2013, I watched it with too much expectations knowing that the director is Tom Hooper, who also directed "The King's Speech".

The movie is based on the musical which in turn is based on the novel of the same name by Victor Hugo. Yes, that French novelist whose works will bore you first before you get to the exciting parts (as I have experienced when I read his "Notredame de Paris").

Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman) served his 19-year sentence for stealing a piece of bread for his sister's son. He found redemption and acceptance from a bishop who saved him. Years later, a changed Valjean becomes mayor of a town and owner of a factory which employs Fantine (Anne Hathaway). He is well-loved by the townspeople for his generous heart.

One day Javert (Russel Crowe), Valjean's prison guard, appears and threatens Valjean's secured position. When Valjean learns of a man who is arrested in his place and troubled by his conscience, admitted his identity. He promises the dying Fantine that he will search for her daughter Cosette and will be like a father to her, a promise which he was able to keep.

Years later, Cosette, now a grown lady, falls in love with a student rebel named Marius. Javert and Valjean's paths would cross again in a dramatic conflict, where each stands by his own ideals. The ending was a tearful farewell between Cosette and Valjean, with Valjean being welcomed to the other side by the rebel friends of Marius who were killed.

Just why did this film cause too much hype?

First, famous actors were cast in this film and it has come to surprise many a people that they ARE able to sing wonderfully. (Honestly though, my poor ears could not stand Russel Crowe's monotonous voice in some scenes and I couldn't help but wonder why he was cast there in the first place. He's a wonderful actor, especially in Gladiator, but this film seems to cause his popularity to drop.)

Second, the story's main theme of moral philosophy continues to be relevant these days, especially with the global economic crisis we are all facing. Not to mention the erratic justice system and lack of sympathy towards the poor.

Third, the production! Being a sucker for period movies for the effort needed to replicate bygone eras, I always am in awe of the how movies would design the places to be used.

Fourth, Helena Bonham Carter, Sacha Baron Cohen, Anne Hathaway, and Amanda Seyfried are also part of the cast. Now who wouldn't want to watch this??? And I came to see and know about Samantha Banks who played Eponine in this movie. And she did great.

Fifth, Anne Hathways' epic portrayal of the miserable Fantine. Who wouldn't be touched and whose heart will not cry out seeing her sing "I Dreamed a Dream" with so much feeling you can actually feel the pains Fantine is going through.

Self-Date 01122013

Last week, feeling a bit sick of everyday routine and craving for some fresh cool air, I visited my beloved alma mater with a plan to catch a movie at UPFI at 10am. I arrived 30 minutes late, huffing and puffing from running, only to be disappointed because I was the only one who would be watching at that time and the staff decided to just show the movie at 1pm. I decided to just wait for that time and walked to the back of Bahay ng Alumni, intent on going to Shopping Center and later on to Noon Mass.

Then I saw many people wearing jersey uniform of different colors at the track and field oval. Curious, I stopped for a while and realized that there was a soccer tournament. I asked the girl beside me what was going on and she told me it was an inter-school tournament and that participating schools are med schools, including UP College of Medicine. And boy, was I surprised to find an ex-crush playing for UP there! So I guess he was one of the lucky ones to get into UP Med. I was happy for him.

Watching them play made me miss playing out in the field. I remember back in high school, I was already about to graduate when I was invited to join the soccer team and so I had not savored fully the joy of running against the wind chasing and kicking balls. With my hectic schedule though, I doubt if I will be able to play again soon.

15 minutes before noon, I walked away and headed to the Church of the Risen Lord. Sometimes I wonder why I enjoy more when going to mass alone. When mass ended, I went back to watching soccer then back to UPFI.

And arriving there, I learned that I was still the sole audience. I decided to buy my ticket anyway and told myself, this will be the first time I watch a movie all by myself in a huge theater. Another feather added to my hat LOL. But then again, knowing many ghost stories in UP made me feel scared. When the film started, with Santa Santita’s opening scene of saints with creepy background music, I decided I would leave the theater after 10 minutes IF nobody would come in. At that time, I berated myself for not doing a research first on what the movie is about. I certainly am NOT thrilled nor do I look forward to watching a horror movie all ALONE inside a big dark theater. No! My hear would faint in a matter of seconds.

It’s still a good thing that two women came in shortly and I was relieved. Still it felt lonely to be part of a three-person audience. And I would think again of how indie films fare oh so poorly because people apparently support those stupid but very popular romcoms and horror flicks.

The movie is partially a documentary of women who offer prayers to those very much in need in exchange for money. Angelica Panganiban plays the role of Malen, the daughter of a prayerwoman who cares only for money and does not believe in prayers. She is seen as a promiscuous, materialistic young woman who cannot even support herself. When her mother died, she assumed the role of prayerwoman just to earn money. When her prayers proved to be effective, she learned of her divine mission, was humbled and learned to serve other people with such devotion. This reminds me of Mary Magdalene, a prostitute whose life changed when she met Jesus.

After the movie, the two women approached me. I was happy to have had the chance to chat with them. The older woman was an avid traveler and she gave me lots of helpful tips, encouraging me to go out and see the world. Of course the thing is, I have financial concerns and cannot travel as much as I’d like to. (Though this year, I’m inclined to get the most of my post-acad life and enjoy as much as possible with my hard-earned money.)

I went back to the track and field oval, hoping to see another game before I go home. When I saw again my ex-crush and saw him walking towards where I was, I turned around and ran away, with The Corrs’ lyrics playing in my head “I will run away… I will run away with FROM you, coz I I’m falling in love with you…” Always the coward in matters of the heart. When will I ever learn? Though really, I am so over him now. It’s just that I wanted to save myself my awkward situations.

風が強く吹いている (Feel the Wind) 2009

It is in sports that one can see a person's determination as well as his courage in dealing with issues in life. Watching Feel the Wind inspired me a lot.

The movie is about a group of 10 housemates who formed a relay marathon race team, starting out as underdogs against mighty and well-established teams. Each student has his own reason for joining but everyone has only one goal--- to put up a good fight.

visit http://moviereviewsquare.blogspot.com/2009/10/feel-wind-2009.html and see trailer

Start in My Life

It's January 1. A fresh start all over again.

It's amazing how I spent the last day of 2012. I woke up early to report for duty, working home-based while chatting up with new friends on Facebook. I cannot help but laugh out loud at their crazy jokes, corny though most may be.

And then suddenly my sisters invited me to go shopping with them. We hit the mall and shopped under time pressure. I had a hard time resisting the temptation, seeing that my 2012 expenses show my extravagance and uneconomical living. In the end, two pairs of jeans and a pair of sandals won me over. I so hate going to the mall. :(

Then we all went to grandma's house, as is the custom ever since I can remember. Reunion with food, gifts, laughter, and of course, a game of mahjong. I lost big time but still am lucky not to be bankrupt.

Just to share a post I made on Facebook:

And almost nonstop chatting with my tourmates. I so miss them. One stands out whom I miss so much that I dream about him. Still the hopeless romantic that I am, but now a bit wiser in matters of the heart. Maybe I'm not cut out to have a romantic partner. That's be so totally bitterly heart-wrenching, not being able to be loved by the person whom you love. On the brighter side, here I am, hoping that 2013 will be favorable for me especially in romantic affairs.

Coz really I do feel so free now, after months of trying so hard to accept that my ex-crush has found the love of his life and I was there foolishly waiting and hoping blindly with almost zero rationality. Months after the bitter revelation, I find myself ready to mingle, ready to jump in at the chance to fall in love again, no matter how bumpy the ride may be.

Having experienced being away from my family several times this year made me cherish the people around me a bit more than before. Seeing them again for example, after joining the last San Juan, Batangas excavation, was epic. I could feel my parents really missed me.

I have had wonderful memories of 2012. Perhaps because it's a Dragon Year and those born under the Dragon sign are supposed to experience good luck. While I evidently didn't have that much of luck with me, I still am happy to have been through many challenges as these help me grow as a person.

This 2013, I will embrace again whatever life throws at me. So, 2013, please do start in my life right here, right now.