To the Prince of the Jade Moon Hall,
Many times I wonder what would have been if we were not caught in the unruly web of fate. What if I had not met you near the Arcade Chamber where the first seeds of hatred were sowed in my heart? The weather was fine, the sky was blue and yet, nature failed to make a sweet girl out of me. Or perhaps it must be because of the many disappointments in life that caused me to look at you with cold and indifferent eyes. And you were with your close friend, the Jack of the August Autumn Yard, who never spoke a word during our first encounter. Really, I found the two of you a quite contrasting pair… well, I admit, still up to now, I do so.
We used to meet twice a week. The three of us used to be the first ones to be in the Arcade Chamber. It made me feel rather uncomfortable with just the three of us for I did not know what to do. Should I approach the two of you or should I just pretend that you did not exist? It was a hard decision and I chose the latter because I was a coward as well. I simply hate to associate myself with men for I think they are despicable creatures who do not deserve a place in the world. (Sorry for my frankness, but since this is an “unsent” letter, I might as well voice put my true feelings and opinions…)
One day, my wish came, and rather unexpectedly. One of your companions, the Master of Opaque Kites, was the first one among the three of you, who made a bold front of asking me questions which really made me lift my right eyebrow in contempt. But I admire his audacity because he did that despite my seemingly uninterested and cold attitude. And thus, he was my first crush for that period of time.
But my heart must be playing tricks with me. The Master was my crush and yet, why do the thought of you linger in my head? Much as I’d hate to admit it, I began to feel that perhaps you are my crush. After several days, you really became my official crush. And it was not easy for me, to see you in different places, to have us look at each other for a long time without even a “hi” nor “hello” nor a wave nor a gesture of sorts. It pained me not to be able to get close to you like some girls could. Maybe we were not meant for each other. Maybe this is just another case of unrequited love, another love story destined to fall into the trash bin.
When I finally picked up the courage and made up my mind to forget about you and to end the fantasy follies, you started to invade my dreams. Yes, you and your friend, the Jack. The worst part is that they were telling me that you do not care one bit about me. The confusing thing is that they were telling me that someone is trying hard to get my attention but find it hard to do so. And he’s none other than the Jack.
I want to talk to you even for just a moment. I just want to clear things up between us because I can’t go any further without the answers I want. I want to move forward, sure of myself and without regrets, because the future is so uncertain and sometimes, the vastness of the universe scares me. Grant me this one humble wish. I also have a lot to say. I also want to apologize to you up front for being a snob. I want to get to know more about you, so that in doing so, I might be able to understand you. Or we can be friends. Anything, to help erase the feelings I have for you.
I am currently on a standstill. The pressures of life are choking my heart. But still, let destiny take over and let fate entwine my path with that of the one I have been looking for.
With a thorny heart,
The Maiden of Silent Chamber
Jan 2, '08 5:12 PM
for Miracle's friends & their friends and Miracle's family & their family
