An Open Letter to the Light of My Life

It's been a long time since we last had a long chat. These days we seem to try to catch up on each other early in the morning before I leave for work. I would always ask how you are doing even though I know the answer. You would always look at me, your eyes forlorn, your current fragile state breaking my heart to pieces. It's not easy for me to watch you go weak with each passing day; I have been used to seeing you wake up each morning earlier than anybody else, with that load of energy despite your age. I often wondered where you got that strength that allowed you to do numerous tasks without complaint.

Consecutive trips enriched my life, but it also made me poorer in understanding you. One day I was shocked to come back seeing you emaciated, your eyes no longer alert and shining. Words cannot describe how I feel. You seem lifeless, purposeless, friendless. You wouldn't eat, you refuse to listen when we repeatedly tell you to go to the doctor. You, who used to be strong as a bull, cannot even walk properly now.

I fear for what the future holds in store for us. Throughout my life, you were there. You saw me through my darkest, most bitter periods in my life. When blood and kin sought to hurt me, you were my sole comfort. You were the one who taught me early in my life, even with waves of rejection, coldness, cruelty, and all the challenges that come my way, are nothing if I put my faith in God. You sought to understand me, even in my most pitiful egocentric bitter state. Many would claim to know me but it is only you who always defended me from backstabbers, you the only one who testified to my goodness. It was grace. Perhaps we were meant to meet in this lifetime, because your faith in me changed me. I had a taste of grace because of your goodness and to this time it inspires me to be a better, not bitter, person.

This last weekend, I could have continued to do my volunteer work while in Pangasinan. We passed by Manaoag and I changed my mind and decided to stay inside the church to hear mass and to say a little prayer for you. I knownthat you'd be happy to learn that your little girl is back to going down on her knees with pleas to the Heavens, this time not for me but for you. Today after work, I found myself walking towards that church where I got a rosary last year on my birthday, as if my legs had life of their own. So I brought out my rosary and prayed the sorrowful mystery. How apt, when the two of us are in agony, you physically and me emotionally.

I am not prepared for this. But I guess your little girl will have to grow up now. Coming back home, finding you not there to welcome me has given me of a glimpse of a possibility I do not want to consider. Home feels cold, dark, awful without you.

Tears cannot stop flowing now as I write. Please do not leave me alone.

Rockies at Norzagaray, Bulacan

A week after my ten-day Mindoro trip, my first trip by plane this year, I joined the climb to the Rockies in Norzagaray. The two rock formations in the shape of a lioness and of a rhinoceros are becoming more and more popular these days thanks to the social media. I stumbled upon a post by an old climbing buddy late last year and saw that he climbed the Rockies without inviting me. (#bitter though I wouldn't have joined even if he sent me an invitation because I already planned to go to Bicol with a travel buddy, only to end up in Pangasinan and Ilocos.)

before the rock assaults: I chose to be sweeper just to take a photo of this!

awesome view of rocks

Because I got to the meeting place right on time at 4AM, I sorely lacked sleep and was sleeping every time we were in transit. I was frustrated to find that there still are irresponsible and inconsiderate people who join events like this and yet fail to show up on time. We left our meeting place at 5AM and we missed the sunrise because of those annoying people. Probably newbies who do not care nor know the ethics to mountain climbing. Were I the organizer, I would have gone on without them.

the lioness overlooking Norzagaray

small but smelly flower with unpleasant smell

One can finish the climb in less than an hour, but due to the time spent in taking photo after photo, we got down at past 12PM, had lunch and then napped until 1:30PM. The challenging part in climbing the lioness and the rhino is that one really has to be a good rock climber. In fact, being a hiker is of not much use. Every step of the way, I was wondering if I could make it alive. Being acrophobic was no help at all.

the rhino

Abrus precatorius: bead-like seeds which are actually toxic...

buwis-buhay moment as we climbed down the rhino

for ID, anyone?

Part 2 of the trip was spent in Pinagrealan Cave, a historic site for being the encampment site of the revolutionaries led by Sinfrosio dela Cruz against the Spaniards toward the end of the 19th century. Emilio Aguinaldo and Pio del Pilar also lived here. Now more than ever, I want to visit Mt. Manalmon, see Biak-na-Bato, and go caving there. Such trips kill two birds with one stone since I travel for history and also for nature.

our tour guide in Pinagrealan Cave

At some parts of the cave, one has to go through knee-deep and neck-deep waters. The first foray into the waters was not pleasant given the smell and water's dark color. The second was refreshingly cool and clear, perfect for a bath but then one passes by the smelly waters again on the way back. My legs got itchy soon afterwards so I had to take a quick bath lest I develop more skin problems.

co-participant removes his shoes before wading into the waters

Before I went home, I stopped by Fshermall and looked for a place to eat. Dimsum Place has just opened and was offering discounts for their dimsum so I grabbed the chance to have a taste of their xiaolongbao. As in other restos, they have carrot slices at the bottom to support the bun. There's soup in it alright but it's not as tasty as I hoped them to be. I so miss Shi Lin's xiaolongbao at this point. Another thing, I find it weird whenever I dine in Chinese restos without free hot tea. It just disappoints.

xiaolongbao at Dimsum Place, Fishermall (P90)

Dreams 04

Waking up late this morning left me feeling flustered because of yet another dream about me in an almost relationship with someone I do not even know in real life. Although this has happened several times before, I still haven't gotten used to it and everytime it happens I always end up feeling extra pensive, disturbed by these unwelcome visitations during my cutie sleep and yet feeling extra giddy and hopeful that in the very near future I meet the one I have been looking for.

The dream this time involves a boy who looks younger than me. We seem like very close friends until that moment when he confesses he likes me and wants to marry me. The whole time I was silent, not knowing what to say because everything was so sudden, I felt unprepared. All I know is that I am not sure if I can reciprocate his feelings.

Then the dream shifts to another scene , or perhaps I just forgot about the other parts and just remembered those where I felt strong emotions. In that scene, I watch him as he lay sleeping and kissed him lightly. (I swear this is so not me!!! I don't even like romantic movies and shoujo anime and manga so I do not know where my subconsciousness gets this... perhaps from fantasies??? LOL) He wakes up and we laugh for no reason (or maybe it was already a new scene) and even with the confession and everything, things are not awkward and we seem to understand each other very well. I also remember feeling very comfortable around him as I run my fingers through his silky hair.

And then I woke up. It was 11:25 and nobody bothered to wake me up. I said my morning prayers, left my bed, broke my fast, took a shower, and left home. While walking to the jeepney stop, I couldn't help but try to remember his face. What if we get to meet? It would be bad if I do not recognize him.

The dream got me thinking about fate, destiny, and free will. We meet many people but we choose whom we welcome in our life. It got me thinking about one of my life goals, to find that one person who will complete me. Somewhere out there under the vast sky, someone must be searching for me, too. I'd like to believe that one day fates will make our paths cross. So while I am still single, I would like to be the best that I can be, to do as much as I can so that when the time comes, I shall not feel as though I wasted my youth. 

Yet questions form in my head. Should I believe that my perfect match is not separated from me by time, distance, nor circumstances? What if there is no such thing as a perfect match? What if I am just incapable of loving truly that I cannot go beyond the standards I have set?

Am I just being foolishly romantic to give meaning to these kinds of dreams which render me almost paralyzed at the thought that mobility might be more of a hindrance than a way to find him?

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I normally find it weird to write about these stuffs but I found myself restless unless I write about this dream. While there's a feeling of excitement, I really am not enthused to these things because they rob me of focus which is supposed to be alloted to higher learning and to my many interests. It seems my subconsciousness is saying otherwise. Oh well...

Mt. Daraitan

I greeted the month of love with a dayhike in Tanay, Rizal. It is my first time to travel eastward and I am not at all familiar with things there. But I was with a group and we rented a van from Starmall in Shaw Boulevard all the way to Tanay so it was not much of a hassle.

this bridge can be used by vehicles!

 Mt. Daraitan is rated as having a difficulty of 2/9 so I was expecting a carefree hike since I was only looking for a way to escape the city. Who would have thought that it wasn't as easy as they said it was!

The ascent surprised me because of the large steps. Being a small girl put me at a disadvantage and it required me to exert extra effort. Poor knees of mine! The mountain is made up of limestone and some andesitic (not quite sure if they indeed are andesitic but they sure are porphyritic). The limestone are quite pointed and sharp so extra caution needed. It brings to mind the climb we did in Ille Rockshelter and Ugong Rock Formation, both in Palawan. Anyway, I was not able to closely examine the rocks due to the group's speed and I wouldn't want to be left behind.

fish: not sure where the local got these but he was descending and we met him during our ascent

 Another thing of surprise was the very cool weather. Just the day before Metro Manila experienced a sunny day. Yet on the day of our hike, it was cloudy with scattered, intermittent rainshowers, probably the reason why the whole experience gained a bit of a difficulty.

So anyway, it was a hassle putting on and taking off my raincoat all throughout the hike. It doesn't help that I only brought one cardigan and it's not even a jacket to protect me from the chillly winds which remind me a lot of Pulag. 

view from the summit

 The descent was even more challenging, bringing to mind Buntot Palos because I was wearing the same rubber sandals I wore back then. The trail became slippery because of the downpours but at least, it wasn't as muddy as in Buntot Palos, reminding me more of Mt. Arayat.

view from one of the side trails going down

 When we came to the river, it was as the picture on the net I have looked at prior to the hike. It was really a beautiful place. One thing I noted during the whole journey is how clean the mountain and the river is, you will not see garbage along the trail. The locals really make an effort to ensure not only the cleanliness but also the safety of the adventurers as evidenced by the wooden railings they make especially along slippery parts of the trail. These indeed are very much appreciated especially by someone like me who's not too comfortable at descending.

gushing waters of Tinipak River

 We did some cave exploration and by the time we were on our way to the cave, I was already exhausted, and my hands and legs already had a lot of cuts and bruises. Still I could not pass the chance to see what's inside the cave so I still tagged along.

The cave reminded me of Sumaguing Cave in Sagada. But there aren't remarkable formations in Daraitan cave. Still, the sparkling stalactites and the cool refreshing waters of the cave pool are not to be missed. (Though I felt like I might get fever from immersing myself in extra cold water after an exhausting hike. Whew!)

stalactites inside the cave

 I was able to converse with a local, a woman who sells chicharon and oils. Curious, I bought two oils from her: Sampaguita and Mandarin. Ate Bernadette is very enterprising in her own way. She knows how to mend stuffs, showing me how she fixed her bag and how she mended a pair of broken sandals. I am simply in awe of her resourcefulness and inspired to be like her who does not accept defeat and still fight on for her family's future's sake. (Because you know, being a drifter like me makes you complacent and accept things readily as they are...)

beautiful Tinipak River

Going on this adventure made me realize that maybe I have gained much experience with mountains to be able to make comparisons and associating this whole adventure to my past climbs. Many times, I am considering to stop hiking altogether because of the dangers and because my family is always worried about me, but the experiences and the learnings I get only from the mountains are things I cannot give up that easily.

First Dampa Experience: Super Wok 01212015

An uncle and his wife visited from Hong Kong and I learned about it just last Tuesday night when my sister was asking me if I could join them for dinner. Of course I'd say yes! I was going to give them some pasalubong for my cousins back in HK!

My family already chose Super Wok Restaurant in Macapagal Blvd. near SM Mall of Asia. I was super excited (even though I feel fatigued after not having rested fully after Pulag) since it was my first time and I LOVE seafood a LOT. So imagine my brimming happiness which almost brought me to tears as I laid eyes on lobsters and prawns and fish.

lobster costing P2000/ kilo... (I can't afford!!!)

prawns... my fave!

fish be with me... FOREVAH!

these huge ones cost around P4000/ kilo (okaaaay I really do want to cry again as I type...)

 After purchasing seafood at the marketplace, we headed back to the restaurant to weigh everything and give cooking instructions to the waitress. I'm glad my mom ordered for halaan soup, perfect for a cold night. This came after the pancit canton. And then one by one our orders came: sotanghon with crabs, calamares, baked scallops with cheese, steamed lapulapu, shrimps in spicy sauce, fried rice, pan fried salmon, and hot tea.

the place

my plate with sotanghon and crab and calamares, two of my favorite things

calamares

baked scallops with cheese

shrimps in spicy sauce... YUMMY!

steamed lapulapu in mild soy sauce... a WINNER!

I loved everything! But knowing how much we spent for just one dinner is quite debilitating. I wouldn't want to shell out that much money just for a meal. On second thought, it was all worth it since the seafood was fresh and everything was well-cooked, except perhaps for the salmon. Mom does a better job of cooking it.

Will I go back? For the lobsters, yes! I will have to be extra thrifty from now on though. Maybe I can start saving P20 per day and then after 130 days I will have saved enough for a lobster treat. But considering the distance, I'll probably just end up looking for a dampa place nearer to home.

First 2015 Adventure: Double Mountain

The first half of the month has been wonderful. I was able to secure a slot to Mt. Pulag at the last minute through a new-found friend whom I met in Dolores, Quezon last year. Since late last year I was already planning to go up Mt. Pulag again, I made sure to take advantage of Uniqlo's sale and was able to buy a Heat Tech turtleneck and a pair of padded pants. Just the very clothes I need to conquer the cold in Benguet since the first time I went there last year I shivered uncomfortably all throughout the night and was not able to sleep comfortably.

Last January 15, I reported to the office very early in the morning so I had my early out then headed to Makati to meet someone. It was a quick meeting but because commuting in Metro Manila sucks, I had to rush home to get my bag which I fortunately had prepared two nights prior.

The trip organizer booked me for Baguio, the bus expected to depart at 8PM and yet I left home at 7PM. Not a very good idea. It also didn't help that mobile communication was made difficult because of Pope Francis's arrival in the Philippines. As communicated by both Sun Cellular and Smart, there will be difficulty in sending SMS and in calling for security reasons. Oh well. This country really needs to care more for the common masses. So anyway, I couldn't send out my message that I was already on my way. Buzzer beater as always as I arrived at 7:40PM whew! Close call.

hanging bridge at the back of Jangjang's Eatery

 I was the only isolated participant in our group but I made good use of it by grabbing a hot siopao from Hen Lin (2/F Victory Liner Terminal) and by charging my phones at 7-11. Then when the rest of the group arrived exactly an hour later, we all boarded two jeepneys. Bumpy road again yet I still was able to fall asleep!

We visited Jangjang's Eatery. I was grateful for the free soup (which a friend called "sabaw na pusa" but which is actually pork broth). We waited until the sun's rays kissed the earth and we went at the back of the eatery to see a hanging bridge.

view from the foot of Mt. Pulag

 We spent a long time at the Rangers Station due to the large number of hikers on a Friday! It seems that many adventurous spirits would rather heed the call of the mountains than suffer the suffocating crowds at Luneta as people await the mass to be said by the visiting Pope.

view from the foot of Mt. Pulag

 It was already late, around 10:30am when we started to climb up Mt. Pulag. The ascent took 3 hours and a half. I could have done better but I chose to wait for a climbing buddy who tires easily. Anyway, all was well because I was able to observe and look at the different plants while he was resting.

plants in Pulag (couldn't name them though...)

By late afternoon, I was dismayed when our plan to reach the summit was cancelled because a companion collapsed and had to be carried to the campsite. Since I was with a rescue team, we naturally had to attend to her and make sure she was alright. The porters were telling us she should be brought back to town lest something happens to her in the very cold night of Pulag. Stubborn as she was, the group decision prevailed and she was brought back down in a makeshift hammock.

At night we feasted on canned goods and wheat bread. I myself brought my favorite Uncle George Multigrain Bread, canned tuna, and canned sausages. One of the organizers cooked chicken sinigang and shared it with us so it was still a happy meal. So grateful for the hot soup.

I couldn't resist taking a photo of this... taken while hiking as we were nearing the campsite

Before we went to sleep, the elder of the rescue team gave a lecture on focusing on important life matters. I was surprised when he emphasized over and over again the importance of prioritizing one's family. He also advised that single people travel as much as possible because once one ties the knot, one must be ready to sacrifice for the new family. This struck something in me since my parents and sisters have been complaining a lot because I am almost always never home. And I would always tell them they wouldn't even go on adventures with me so what do I do, imprison myself at home?

the sea of clouds on the second day... finally!

 On the second day, after gulping down two mouthfuls of lambanog to somehow counter the extra chilly winds, I joined the others in hiking up the summit, headache and all. In my desire to warm my body I sacrificed my sober mind. Still the beautiful sights I took in at the top made that seem insignificant. All pains go away at the sight of beauty. We may not be rewarded by the beautiful sunrise but we did get the sea of clouds plus bonus cloudfalls.

what I call the "cloudfalls"

 We stayed at the summit for hours, not wanting to leave the marvelous sights. But like all wonderful things that come, they must go. Or rather, we must depart and go back to civilization. I was the last one to leave the campsite. Still sleepy and hungry for a hot rice meal, I decided to descend straight, stopping very little, while the others rested and chatted. In the end, I reached the town first from our group, and I did so in just one and a quarter of an hour or so.

That night I decided to go with the rescue team to save on accommodation expenses since one of them has a relative in Baguio. We had dinner at a bulalohan somewhere on the way to Crystal Cave. I was ultra happy to finally eat rice and bulalo for only P70. Take note, we skipped lunch!

view from Mt. Cabuyao (now more popularly known as La Preza)

 On Sunday, we went up Mt. Cabuyao, now popularly known as Sitio La Preza due to the TV series Forevermore. Lots of people are visiting the place and so we had to hike all the way up, making me even happier since who could resist a nice long walk on a beautiful day?

When we got down, we were extremely hungry. Unfortunately, 50s Diner near Leonard Wood was still full of people even at 2PM so we settled for its neighbor Backyard Diner. It's my second time there so this time I had chicken a la kiev and rice. I wish I had gone for their burgers though because the chicken isn't that flavorful. I was expecting a lot of cheese oozing out after every bite but that was just destined to be in my dreams only.

late lunch at Backyard Diners: chicken a la kiev with veggies and rice

 After lunch, we visited White Laperal House. In my trip to Baguio last year, we only passed by this and failed to see the bamboo exhibit.

bamboo exhibit inside the White Laperal House

Boarded Victory Liner bus to Cubao at 7PM. My seatmate was a handsome looking guy who climbed Pulag on Saturday and didn't see any of Pulag's beauties. Anyway, I'm glad to have chatted with him because he seems like a nice guy who's gone off to many mountains. He even tells me his misadventures in Pico de Loro on a stormy day where he and his only hiking buddy almost got lost.

Which reminds me... I have never been to Pico de Loro... (smiles)

Got home at 1:15AM because the bus driver takes very long breaks. @.@

Prinsipe Munti @CCP

The first time I heard about Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's novella "The Little Prince", I was already in college. It was always the book being read by French language majors and whenever a French prof asks what our favorite book is, at least one will say "Le petit prince". Because of its enormous popularity, I was a bit hesitant to read t until I saw a Spanish version in my favorite bookstore. At that time, I would buy every Spanish book I could get hold of, mainly to practice my Spanish. Then eventually I would find it in original French. No more hesitations, I was quick to make the purchase!

I did read both versions and I was amazed at how simple the story is but how it carries deep truths about the way we lead our lives. It bashes the superiority of adults and raises the innocence and the sense of wonder of children to great heights. It disarms us and leads us to ponder on important issues like relationships, more than glory, fame, and fortune.

So when I heard that a play based on the novella will be staged in Tanghalang Pilipino in CCP, I of course wanted to see it. Because of Typhoon Ruby, a falls trek was cancelled so I was free to go to the last day the play will be shown in theater.

The play is a mix of shadow play and musical so it was fun to watch. I have to admit that I cried from start to finish, but it was not because I was blown by the performance itself. There's something lacking in the whole play that I couldn't quite point out. I cried more so because of sudden insights into love and relationships, on relationships, basically. At this point in life, I still feel the pain of being let go of far too easily, the pain of loving and giving too much of myself that it was too late when I realized I left very little love for myself, that despite having given up a lot for a person's sake, you are left behind, forgotten and abandoned. On that note, I can very well relate with the Rosas as well as with Munti.

Whenever Munti sings, my heart constricts and memories of happy days gone bad fill my mind. Thoughts of fair-weathered friends, of friendly users, of liars who say one thing and mean the other, arise. I have, time and again, told myself to always open my heart, to always keep the hope up that one day I will find my real family, a group which can truly understand me and help me grow as a person. It's just so hard to navigate through life with so many unnecessary relationships which suck the life out of one so innocent and so trusting and so naive.

I am touched by how Munti does everything for Rose, how despite Rose's inability to understand him he still does his best to show how much he loves her. Those scenes remind me of how I can be Munti, someone who gives his all for a beloved and at the same time, like Rosas, someone who demands a lot of proof of one's love. I cried when Munti no longer understands Rosas and decides to leave her.

I loved how Munti learns from Alamid, how Alamid would tell him that what is important cannot be seen by the eyes, among other lessons on relationships. 

It was painful, that scene wherein Munti realizes that there are many roses in Planet Earth which are very much like his Rosas back at home. But Alamid's words on how investing time and effort in a beloved makes that beloved special and unique. This is not just love but also a responsibility as the Alamid would always tell him that he must be responsible for the things he tames. Taming after all, is the act of establishing meaningful ties and this take time. The other characters who are so engrossed in their own little world cannot see beyond themselves and are too self-centered to give attention to Munti. (This reminds me of how superficial friendship has become especially in today's digital world where people are just SO BUSY they don't have time to catch up with you.)

Realizing that he left his beloved alone in his planet, Munti wants to go back and is tricked by a serpent who promises to send him home with one bite. The fatal bite renders him lifeless as the pilot whom he befriends in the desert mourns for his demise. 

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Clearly I have no intention of writing about this play, but the emotions they provoked in me were so strong and I know I can only be restless if I don't do something about it. Pardon the crappy writeup filled with rants. :(