Sagada Memories in Photos Part 1

Yorghurt House's omelette: my first meal on my second trip to Sagada. I had breakfast with two stranger-turned-friends. Met the two upon arrival at the town hall. They were also part of the planting project.

mixed fruits yoghurt: simple delight after a light meal

Sagada Brew

The famous Lemon Pie House which I still haven't tried. More reasons to go back. :)

T, K, and I saw this along the way when we explored the town. The first thing that came to mind upon seeing this was fat fried chicken! They laughed. It's not everyday that I get to see super chubby chickens.

Yoghurt House. Fond memories <3

The inscription reads "SAGADA AD 1921". The bell is located inside the church complex.

K and I encountered this house which I believed to be William Henry Scott's house. They say his library is still pretty much alive, but that most books have been discarded. AWWWWTS!!!

Sagada Weaving. The weavers of Sagada make excellent quality bags. On this trip I added a mailbag and a coin purse to my collection of woven bags. Next time I am buying one of those more pricey but more elegant bags for formal events.

Rocky Valley Inn and Cafe. Across this establishment we hanged out and waited t be picked up by one of the project leaders.

Took this photo while we were toured on wheels so not a lovely angle but I at least was able to snap a photo of the place where we used to stay way back in 2012.

chicken pesto past at P250:  it's light and it's tasty

Side stop to Lake Danum late in the afternoon only to be met by thick fog. I love sunsets but I also like fog (as long as no smoke is mixed in LOL) That is me in my 7 year old camisa de chino which dates back to my archaeo days and which I now wear for planting work.

In front of this altar I prayed and cried twice. Prayed for God to show me the way, to enlighten my mind, to lead me to peace, to lead me to the right people who can be truly family to me and who will treat me right. I remember the Light and I renew my vow to make her proud. I know she'd love to see finish my masters.

Corn and rice planted alternately on these mini terraces. The smell of both waft in the air. I super love Sagada!!!

The super cozy wooden cabin house where we stayed.  Super nice interiors.

Around this bonfiire we hanged out, debated, and told stories.

Just some random extra cute shiny beetle.

I got to try eating using this biodegradable plate. Yum yum! The pinikpikan is to die for. Never mind that it requires tortured chicken huhu. But the taste is exquisite.

the incubation area for seedlings before they are transferred to Mother Earth.

Sagada Memories: Stories

On the third week of June, I joined a coffee-planting volunteer work in Sagada. It was the perfect time to unwind, to go somewhere far where I had been and meet new people in the process. I was a bit heartbroken a few days prior because for the nth time, he hurt my feelings. Many would say that I am too sensitive. I do admit that, but it's only because I take great care not to offend nor hurt the ones I love that I expect the same from them. This June opened my eyes to the reality that he never loved me. He never cared for me and he never respected me. As I have said in my previous post, he is just a pretentious boy who has to rely on deceit to get by. Strong people would never resort to such lowly tactics because strong people protect, they do not hurt other people. So if there is one truth he said, it is that he is weak. He can brag about his many achievements, but those things do not define a  man; relations do, being a mindful and compassionate person does.

A few days before I left for Sagada, we met up because he needed help and I, as usual, wanted to be there for him. Only to be disrespected. We met his friends and they were talking in their own native language, without even thinking if I felt out of place. I can catch some of the words thanks to my training in Bahasa but most I do not comprehend. I felt so sleepy (as usual) after our dinner at a simple eatery. The place serves really good grilled stuff mostly grilled chicken (no squid though...). I got offended when he invited his FEMALE friend (whom he says is already engaged.. or married? I don't care) to swim at his place, WHEN HE NEVER INVITED ME. And he was just super insensitive and kept on asking me what's wrong with me. A boy can never comprehend a woman when he refuses to take the effort to. Then came one of the most heartbreaking part when he left me alone in the streets at night all of a sudden, bringing my backpack down on the ground and walking away to hail a cab. At least he was still nice enough to carry my heavy backpack that night (#sarcasm).

But we patched things up that night. Yet after that night, things were never the same again. I didn't even cry when it happened. It opened my eyes that I was dating an immature boy who only cares about himself. He says I was controlling him. He was swallowed by paranoia, thinking that me helping him meant I wanted to control him. It only made me see that the relationship is really going nowhere. He never did trust me, despite him always saying he does so. That incident made me rethink our relationship, made me question my choices to love him with all my heart. You can always love a person, but should stop when that person refuses to be loved. Take it or leave it, there's no in-between.

So going back to Sagada, which should be the heart of this post: the night of my departure, I told him I was in the bus terminal, hoping he would come visit me even for a while to see me off. Nothing of the sort happened. Stubborn me, I reprimanded myself back then. Why did I keep on hoping for him to do things for me??? He couldn't even face my parents, he had to be forced to meet my sisters. With a heavy heart I left Manila for Sagada, that place in the north where he traveled with his French girlfriend whom he is proud to have. He always is proud to have had a French girl and even planned to marry her despite that circumstances in which they met. What decent guy would marry a girl who got drunk and got inside a stranger's room to make out with a stranger? And I being idealistic, believing in the power of humans to change, didn't make much of it. The present is always more important. So while in the bus, when I was not sleeping I was crying. Coz... they play sappy music in the bus... Makes me remember the days when he was sweet to me and makes me wonder if he really did love me, even one bit. (Okay I will stop, he clearly DOES NOT!!! Dear girl, quit your delusions!)

In Sagada, I met nice people who somehow took my mind off him. I met interesting women. One is an almost 40 year old woman but still looks young, probably because of her outlook in life. She is very motherly and it makes me wonder why no guy pursued her. (But oh well, only boys roam the world, boys who like the superficial.) She was with her friend who was able to study in Australia on a scholarship. The friend is a daughter of a former government official and although the family name is extraordinary, I failed to make a connection until later. In fact, they had to tell me. LOL. Another is a quiet woman, already married and whose husband is working abroad. She is a businesswoman and has made herself financially independent thus allowing herself to travel alone even without the support of her husband. But my heart was shattered when I learned that she is having an affair. Just what is wrong with the world??? We had a heart-to-heart talk before we parted ways and that was when she shared her story. I, of course, cautioned her against continuing the affair. I told her, that I understand her needs; her husband is away, but THAT IS NOT AN EXCUSE. When you marry someone, you commit to the relationship, you commit to being a good wife to your husband (or being a good husband to your wife). Besides, the person she's having an affair with is also married and has kids. Being a homewrecker will not make her happy. So I shared with her how my dad destroyed my view of males, how angry I was (still am) at him when we learned of his affairs. And I asked her to think what if his child grows up to be like me? I reminded her that this is no win-win situation.

I was reminded of the time when someone asked me out for a date but who turned out to be already married. When I found out, I already liked him a bit. But you will know how strong you are when you are able to walk away from temptations. And I just did. So whenever I think of my frailty, I will always think of that moment when I fought myself hard to do the right thing before our "friendship" deepens and before I do something that will cause me guilt all of my life. That is how fidelity works. You nip it in the bud. You do as Ulysses did when he ordered his men to tie him up and put ear plugs on to resist the seductive sirens. Such preventive mechanism will enable you to step away from things that you will regret later. They say that affairs usually start out as innocent friendship. But it blossoms because you spend too much time together than necessary. You know you are in big trouble when you are more concerned about this extra lover than about your official lover (i.e. husband/ wife). It is also this reason that whenever I talk to my male friends, I would make it a point to tell them about A, to send the message that I am already off-limits. (Only to find out later on that he dated a girl in his class with whom he shared my work and he told her that "we used to date". "Used to" when at that time we were still good. So what does that make him?)

So going back to the people I met in Sagada... There was this one doctor who seemed to have not yet moved on  from his breakup. I don't know the full story but "motherly friend" (hereinafter T) and "popular daughter" (hereinafter K) told me that he was all out in his recent relationship and was disappointed because the girl's efforts were minute compared to his. He was emphasizing EFFORT. I do understand where he is coming from and I feel sorry for  him. Girls normally put in much effort, too much effort even, for the men they love. But then, I also acknowledge that bitches also exist. (Of course we only got to hear his side of the story... So okay, the skeptic in me is making a lot of questions... LOL) One evening, I joined them around the campfire. They were drinking and chatting. I just wanted to see how they drink. I like observing people when I am not engaging them. So I sat beside T and K and he invited me to sit closer to him. Of course, I didn't do that because he was already drunk. They offered me a drink and I put a former professor's wise words to practice. Since I don't drink I usually feel out of place. One way of still becoming one with the group is to accept the drink but to announce for everyone to hear that such is my first and last because I DO NOT DRINK. PERIOD. So no amount of coaxing will work. (I don't understand why people become alcoholic. Alcohol tastes bad.. EWWW!!!)

They asked me if I had any companion in the project (none), my reasons for joining (vacation break), and why I travel alone (to challenge myself, though actually the real challenge for me is travelling with incompatible companions). I think they were expecting me to say that I was looking for love in Sagada following the popularity of the movie "That Thing Called Tadhana". I forgot what our topic was but then when asked about something, I casually replied, "because boys are uncaring." And he couldn't accept it, demanding answers all night long until we had to put out the fire at 10PM. LOL. Funny experience! But the strange thing is, although he was drunk, I didn't feel scared of him. I normally distance myself from drunk people. Maybe because I sensed a loadful of loneliness and frustrations in him. Empath mode on again. Sigh. I will really drain myself out fast if this keeps going.

The only other person who doesn't drink is X (I forgot her name...). She graduated from a private all-girls' school known for social activism. Needless to say, she works in the development sector and plans to take up further studies abroad. She's a people person and it's not hard to see that she has a strong personality. Meeting her made me realize that most of those in the development sector come from well-off family and I came to formulate that there is a general pattern. No wonder those who are selected in foreign scholarship programs are mostly from rich families, because they have access to these experiences which are not readily available to the average person who is most likely to end up a corporate slave in a private firm (ehem). And it is a misconception that salaries in NGOs and social work are small. Heck no, they are even bigger compared to those in the corporate world. So it got me thinking, is this the modern day version of elite cooptation? Of course there are exceptions. I have a friend who was a product of the public school system and who had so much grit she was able to get one of the most coveted slots in Japanese scholarship program. 

I could have taken my time in getting to know everyone in the project. But then the group was big so my introvert self was screaming to be alone.

Sagada Adventure 2012

I can still remember in February this year being all excited with my horoscope forecast for the year 2012. It said that this year will be a year of travel for me. I just raised my eyebrows and thought bitterly, how can I go visit places when my parents are super strict?

And yet early this month I was able to join the trip to Sagada with my graduate school classmates and their friends. We departed from Manila on November 1 in the evening and spent 10 hours inside the bus sleeping, occasionally waking up during stopovers to heed nature's call.

The following day, we arrived at Bontoc and experienced riding on top of a jeepney. It was super fun. Strong winds blew through my hair. Fresh mountain air made my lungs happy. And the most important thing in every trip--- a cheerful company who has a sense of humor.

We had breakfast at Masferré where I ordered yoghurt with fresh fruits. The place is wonderful, it reminds me of those little village houses in Western movies.

We viewed the hanging coffins of Sugong. The massive limestone formations, already grayed due to exposure to elements, were not that eye-catching but its simple beauty was magnificent. Its silence strongly demands respect and awe. (And I super regret leaving my camera at the inn.) According to our tour guide, only members of the royal elite with descendants can be buried there.

Next we visited the Lumiang cave burial site (and again, no photos, which is SAD). There's a connection to Sumaguing Cave and I made a mental note to myself to try the Cave Connection Adventure next time. The wooden coffins were made from hollowed out trees, and the deceased was buried in a fetal position. It reminded me of the Kabayan mummies in Benguet, which unfortunately, we were not able to visit due to lack of time.

The highlight if this trip would have to be our exploration of Sumaguing Cave where different formations delight the eyes. I remember watching a local documentary show featuring this cave years ago. Back then, I told myself someday I would also see for myself the beauty of that cave. Our tour guide, Rocco, had a wonderful sense of humor which made us enjoy the activity. My favorite part here is the rope part just before we have to hit the cold waters inside the cave. I felt like a monkey. In fact, my companions laughed at me a lot because I have weird climbing techniques---- either on all fours, or rolling over.

After that wonderful spelunking experience (my first ever), we went back to the inn, took a bath, then off to hunt for dinner. We initially wanted to dine at Yoghurt House but seeing the place full, we proceeded to Salt 'n Pepper Diner where I had a meal of Rosemary Illutum (roast chicken) and rice. It was delicious and affordable at P150.

The following day, we woke up early to catch the sunrise at Kiltepan but to no avail because of the thick fog. We saw Bokong Small Falls, had a quick lunch at Yoghurt House where I ordered Singaporean style noodles which was disgusting. How unfortunate that the first two items on my list to order there were not available!!! My stomach cried bitterly.

In the afternoon, we had a quick meal at Alapo´s Kitchenette. The price of the food is cheaper here and we were surprised to find that it´s delicious. Yoghurt House is overrated!!! -> I thought to myself. We bought souvenirs and went to the Church of St. Mary the Virgin which was closed at that time. We also  visited the Ganduyan Museum and were impressed by the owner Cristina Aben who tapped into her creativity very late in life and yet produced wonderful artworks. We were in futile search of William Henry Scott's library. I would have loved to see his book collection!

We hoped to catch the sunset at Danum Lake but it rained and the fog was thick (again) so we decided to have our campfire dinner somewhere inside an old abandoned structure where our tour guides prepared their native pinikpikan for us, boodle feast-style. Pinikpikan easily became one of my fave foods! The smell and taste of roast chicken can be savored in the broth. Simple meal but very tasty!

The following morning, we had to leave for Baguio where we had lunch. Then off to Victory Liner to buy tickets bound for home.

All I can say is that 2 days in Sagada is not enough. I want to go back and interact more with the locals. I want to explore their land more and study their culture, more so their language Kankaney.

All Saints' Day

November 1, one of my favorite holidays because I love going to cemeteries with those cute white calachuchi flowers, the November breeze blowing through my hair as I walk down the cemented streets pervaded by the smell of incense, and contemplating about life, death, and [possible] rebirth. I have thought about this for as long as I can remember and every time I do, I end up with a headache. At some point in my life, I got tired of thinking and debating with myself and so I just vowed to live life to the fullest since nothing is certain in this mundane world.
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As a child, I often wondered why we go to the cemetery on November 1 instead of November 2. All Souls' Day falls on the 2nd day of November and for me, it is more apt since not all dead people are saints. Until now I still cannot comprehend this. Or maybe it's because of the Chinese tradition to venerate our ancestors and in doing so, the dead assumes a saintly status.
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After a visit to the cemetery, I went straight home to prepare for my Sagada trip that night, missing the chance to visit a temple where an uncle was cremated.

Mt. Daraitan

I greeted the month of love with a dayhike in Tanay, Rizal. It is my first time to travel eastward and I am not at all familiar with things there. But I was with a group and we rented a van from Starmall in Shaw Boulevard all the way to Tanay so it was not much of a hassle.

this bridge can be used by vehicles!

 Mt. Daraitan is rated as having a difficulty of 2/9 so I was expecting a carefree hike since I was only looking for a way to escape the city. Who would have thought that it wasn't as easy as they said it was!

The ascent surprised me because of the large steps. Being a small girl put me at a disadvantage and it required me to exert extra effort. Poor knees of mine! The mountain is made up of limestone and some andesitic (not quite sure if they indeed are andesitic but they sure are porphyritic). The limestone are quite pointed and sharp so extra caution needed. It brings to mind the climb we did in Ille Rockshelter and Ugong Rock Formation, both in Palawan. Anyway, I was not able to closely examine the rocks due to the group's speed and I wouldn't want to be left behind.

fish: not sure where the local got these but he was descending and we met him during our ascent

 Another thing of surprise was the very cool weather. Just the day before Metro Manila experienced a sunny day. Yet on the day of our hike, it was cloudy with scattered, intermittent rainshowers, probably the reason why the whole experience gained a bit of a difficulty.

So anyway, it was a hassle putting on and taking off my raincoat all throughout the hike. It doesn't help that I only brought one cardigan and it's not even a jacket to protect me from the chillly winds which remind me a lot of Pulag. 

view from the summit

 The descent was even more challenging, bringing to mind Buntot Palos because I was wearing the same rubber sandals I wore back then. The trail became slippery because of the downpours but at least, it wasn't as muddy as in Buntot Palos, reminding me more of Mt. Arayat.

view from one of the side trails going down

 When we came to the river, it was as the picture on the net I have looked at prior to the hike. It was really a beautiful place. One thing I noted during the whole journey is how clean the mountain and the river is, you will not see garbage along the trail. The locals really make an effort to ensure not only the cleanliness but also the safety of the adventurers as evidenced by the wooden railings they make especially along slippery parts of the trail. These indeed are very much appreciated especially by someone like me who's not too comfortable at descending.

gushing waters of Tinipak River

 We did some cave exploration and by the time we were on our way to the cave, I was already exhausted, and my hands and legs already had a lot of cuts and bruises. Still I could not pass the chance to see what's inside the cave so I still tagged along.

The cave reminded me of Sumaguing Cave in Sagada. But there aren't remarkable formations in Daraitan cave. Still, the sparkling stalactites and the cool refreshing waters of the cave pool are not to be missed. (Though I felt like I might get fever from immersing myself in extra cold water after an exhausting hike. Whew!)

stalactites inside the cave

 I was able to converse with a local, a woman who sells chicharon and oils. Curious, I bought two oils from her: Sampaguita and Mandarin. Ate Bernadette is very enterprising in her own way. She knows how to mend stuffs, showing me how she fixed her bag and how she mended a pair of broken sandals. I am simply in awe of her resourcefulness and inspired to be like her who does not accept defeat and still fight on for her family's future's sake. (Because you know, being a drifter like me makes you complacent and accept things readily as they are...)

beautiful Tinipak River

Going on this adventure made me realize that maybe I have gained much experience with mountains to be able to make comparisons and associating this whole adventure to my past climbs. Many times, I am considering to stop hiking altogether because of the dangers and because my family is always worried about me, but the experiences and the learnings I get only from the mountains are things I cannot give up that easily.

Bohol 02272014 Day 2

The second day of our Bohol experience, my office friend and I woke up very early in the morning and hired a habal-habal to take us to Alona Beach in Panglao where we were to meet up with a Chinese couple whom we met yesterday at the Loay River Cruise and who asked us to join them in their island hopping activities so that as a group, costs will be cheaper. To our great dismay though, the one with whom they transacted was not an honest man. He asked for P500 more on top of the P1500 per banca, lying to the Chinese couple that the banca will be bigger and therefore more stable in the sea. The Chinese couple agreed, not knowing that the bancas are of regular size and one can seat up to 10 people. At that time, I remembered what our parasailing guide in Boracay told me about how Boholanos are manlolokos and even reminded me to always be alert when in Bohol. Still, we were still lucky because all the habal-habal drivers we hired were all friendly... Or maybe it's because we initiate conversations and even joke with them.

We arrived in Alona Beach a little before 6AM then we departed for Balicasag Island. On the way, we were treated to a sight of playful dolphins in the seas. Unfortunately, non-locals are not allowed to jump out to play with the dolphins. Our guides suggested we go to Oslob in Cebu for the whaleshark interaction experience so I noted that down.

In Balicasag Island, we had fun snorkeling. My recent purchase then of an underwater Pentax camera came in use. Sad to say, I haven't fully explored how to use it so it was only in auto mode, and the waters were not as calm as in Honda Bay in Puerto Princesa so my priority was on making sure I didn't venture far out lest people suddenly find me gone. Still, the sight was very beautiful. Lots of clownfish! Hello, Nemo!

I didn't get to take a good shot of the orange clownfish I saw...

Before we left the island, we got into a dispute with our guides because apparently, the snorkeling gear was not included in the P2000 fee. The night before I was asking if that was already included in the tour and the reply was just an "ok". If I were scammed in other countries I could have been more forgiving, but to be lied to and fooled by a fellow Filipino just doesn't feel right. And I had to explain everything to the Chinese couple who obviously did not understand Tagalog. So I was like an interpreter then and it was a most stressful situation to be in. Our vacation was almost ruined thanks to manlolokos who prey on tourists. I hate the mentality here that foreigners are wealthy people. I hope that Bohol creates a tourism office to regulate all tourism activities, pretty much what they have in Sagada and Batanes. In Bohol, you are vulnerable to these kinds of scams. Snorkeling gear cost us an extra P150 per person. This and not to mention the P200 snorkeling fee at Balicasag Island, which was also not declared beforehand.

When we finally got to the second island, in Virgin Island, it was as if everything that happened was already a faint memory. The island has nothing special in it but the serenity of the place certainly calmed us down. Here in Virgin Island, we tasted different seafood offerings like sea cucumber, shells, sea urchins, and abalones. I love the shells most, they taste like shrimp but the texture is like that of squid.

 It was already past noon when we got back to Alona Beach. We had our late lunch in one of the tent restaurants in the area. Two piece chicken barbecue, rice, and monggo cost me only P135. My friend ordered chicken intestines (isaw) and I had a taste. It was good.

We went back to our hotel in Tagbilaran to rest a little. Then at night, we attended the samba at Iglesia ni Cristo because my friend is of that faith. I just tagged along, curious as to how they worship.

Read about our Day 1 experience HERE.
Bohol Day 3
Bohol Day 4

Batanes 05082014 Day 1

Ever since I decided to be a traveler way back late in 2012, Batanes has been in my bucketlist. Stories of how the place retained much of its traditional ways attract me, not to mention the many times I saw beautiful photos of Batanes in magazines and newspapers which elicited this deep desire to explore this paradise one day.

I really wasn't expecting to be there this year but one day I received an invite from a former travel buddy who was part of my Sagada adventure. She was someone I looked up to mainly because she travels out all on her own most times. I think I caught this so-called travel fever from her. Listening to her stories of beautiful secluded beaches inspired me to have the courage to go out and see the world for myself. One thing led to another. Before I knew it, friends were already labeling me as a traveler, much to my delight.

So despite not having recovered financially after my consecutive travels from January to early March, I said yes to the invitation. It was a good thing she agreed to book my ticket, too, otherwise I wouldn't have had the resources then to do so. Being poor is the biggest hindrance to traveling but I don't use it as an excuse. Instead, it motivates me to work hard [BUT play harder].

So anyway, since we were not able to fix our itinerary, we decided to go along with tour groups. It sucks but we simply didn't have that much time to talk about our traveling plans. Also, at that time, I was extra busy with volunteer work and everything else was put in the periphery.

Before we boarded the plane, we contacted one tour guide named Ryan. By the time we landed, I was already able to get a reply and shortly after we checked in at Marfel's Homestay, we found ourselves inside his van touring South Batan with four other persons.

Because Batanes is, as they say, a photographer's paradise, I think it's best to post more pics than write texts. Below are some of the places we've been to. It is an understatement to say that wherever in Batanes is photogenic.

Chawa Viewing Deck

Mahatao boat shelter port

Hohmoron Lagoon (where priests are said to bathe in colonial times)

House of Dakay (the oldest standing stone house in Batanes)

Mahatao Port (where one takes a boat ride to Sabtang Island)

Alapad Hills (its got awesome rock formations like the photo above)

San Lorenzo Ruiz Chapel in Imnajbu

rolling hills (too bad the grass is not green when we visited)

sun-dried dorado fish 

Boulder beach in Valugan

Basco Cathedral

Batanes Day 2
Batanes Day 3
Batanes Day 4
Batanes Day 5

Insensitive X 等你下课

Last night I was reading some articles on Chinese media and in between, was listening to Jann Arden's "Insensitive" and 周杰伦's "等你下课". I have heard both songs many times, "Insensitive" maybe n the radio, and "Waiting for You" at the height of my obsession with Jay Chou's albums a few years after graduating from college. In Bicol, while having dinner in a bar restaurant, a band with sexy singers sang "Insensitive" and it never left my mind since. Now, I know many songs but I unfortunately do not know the titles, but it should happen that while eating a bowl of roast duck noodles on Wednesday night, this song was playing and I took note of the chorus' lyrics then searched for the song upon arriving at my flat. And voila, I put the song on loop in preparation for some karaoke night. Tonight actually, J invited me out to karaoke with his friends but the meetup was at 6:30PM and I only read his message at past 6PM so I said no. It could have been the perfect moment to sing this song. 

So remembering Jay Chou again, I searched for one of his earlier works which is 等你下课. And damn it, watching the animated video as well as the live version broke my heart to pieces. I ended up crying so hard late at night. I can very well imagine the pain of being unnoticed by someone you like, even after all the efforts you have exerted to win his/her attention, and even affection. I came to reflect on what happened in Sagada in 2017 when a doctor  who was part of the volunteer team found it incredible that I regarded boys as uncaring. He just came from a breakup which I knew nothing of, and the reason was that his ex did not put in much effort in the relationship, or so he complains. Oh well, as I would always say, we only hear his side of the story. He might be doing something that pisses the girl off and I should know because once a girl no longer cares, it only means that the guy messed up. Then again, that's just  in my opinion because I'm the kind of person who loves fully and if I like a person I would go to great lengths to do things for him/her (applicable to friends also!). 

And it got me thinking of the many things I have already done for J this early. Relationship experts always caution girls to feign indifference and let men chase after them I've broken all the rules before and it indeed ended in tragedy, with me feeling resentful for allowing myself to be used by an evil person who uses people instead of caring and cherishing them. In the end, after he finally broke off with me for real after graduating, I resolved never to go back. Months later, he had the guts to message me and ask if he could use my credit card to make a phone purchase. I was dumb-founded to find a real living person who is so full of himself and so entitled still to my resources even after all the things that he did to me. But shortly after, I laughed it off as something so pathetic. There is no chance that I will go back to the hell I survived. I even unfriended all his family members on Facebook but not without having the decency to tell his youngest sister that I needed to do it for my peace of mind. She asked if her brother and I had a fight. I have expected that he didn't say a word to them but I gracefully told her that whatever happened is between the two of us and I asked that both our privacy be respected (I felt like a showbiz personality saying that. LOL.) Anyway, it felt good that despite me wanting to bitch out on him, I chose the high road and I think that was the time I knew that I have finally achieved sweet nirvana when I thought that moving on was impossible. 

Sometimes I get paranoid and imagine what if all men are like that, what if J turns out to be like him? I am already starting to like him and have started to express my emotions slowly and so does he but he never says anything along the lines of "I like you". He  would instead comment that I always look beautiful in our photos, which he takes using his phone coz his camera is way better than mine. He is always the perfect gentleman and I hope it's not just because of upbringing but more so because he's having feelings for me, too. But then I stopped asking too many questions after he threw back the same question I asked on NYE. I liked him more when he came over and spent Chinese New Year at home because I invited him for dinner. I cooked chicken dumpling soup and asam pedas. My sister also cooked that night and her lohanchay was good, thank God! J brought peanut butter ice cream which we didn't get to eat until today because it was too soft. So anyway, he already met my mom and my two sisters. It was a good thing my father was out that night as he is a very difficult person.