I have an addiction of making lists of things like for example, the things I’ll be doing for this period of time, the things I will buy, the books I will read, the anime I will watch, the places I will visit, etc. But I always have the habit of vainly making them, as I never follow them because I still prefer a life of spontaneity. And of course, being such a list maker, I’m one of the many people who write their New Year’s Resolutions but never bother to live up to them. I’m posting here my list of resolutions for the year 2009 but I don’t guarantee that there be any changes in my life.
1. For years, I’ve been telling myself to be serious in my studies and not to get distracted by anime and books so totally outside my courses. People would mistake me for a student of English Literature because my bag’s always full of English novels and I sometimes forget to bring the required textbooks for my classes. It has always been pleasure over obligations for me. In my whole college life, it was only in my Latin class where I became a diligent student coz it was the only course where I really studied for exams, although quite hurriedly towards the end due to lack of time. The reason? It’s because I like our prof and I have always wanted to learn Latin anyway so why not be serious for once? And it’s a very difficult language. No wonder it died haha!!! So anyway, again, I’m telling myself to take my studies seriously. (sob)
2. These past few years saw me changing from a cheerful girl to a very indifferent one. I admit that I have become a cynic and a misanthropist, partly because I was enlightened of the cruelties of the world. Humans eating one another in a race to superiority does not appeal to me. The world’s been devoured by a great evil which is already quite impossible to remedy. And I want to escape it all, being a great romanticist that I am. Perhaps I should give the world another chance.
3. Despite my innocent looks and babyish visage, I actually am self-centered and proud. I know that pride is the starting point of sin, which caused Lucifer to rebel against God and to result in his fall. I don’t let people mistreat me, especially not when I know where I stand, and also because I’m not a martyr. I fight back with the truth I believe in. And I think, that’s why a lot of people don’t like me. I’m too gutsy for them. Or maybe they’re scared of me? I don’t know. Maybe I should try to be calm more often? But why should it matter to me if people like me or not? The most important thing is to be honest with one’s feelings.
4. I will pursue my interests with a newfound fervor. I’ve left a lot of things unfinished because of my hectic schedule. After this semester, I’ll go back to studying Latin and Japanese, and probably review the things I will have learned by the end of this semester. I’ll start writing my novel so I can get it published before I turn 24. I’ll continue my top secret research. I’ll visit museums, art galleries and churches. I’ll start painting. I’ll reinforce my faith through reading the Bible. I’ll participate more actively in forums to gain more insight and to be more aware of the different opinions from different perspectives.
5. I won’t make another list like this, knowing full well that it’s altogether useless, anyway.
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