Being born with a plethora of phobias is indeed a great handicap for a person who wishes get the most out of life. One may say that if one’s determined enough, it will suffice. But the first step is almost always the most difficult. One must have enough guts to be able to start.
Upon entering UP, I told myself never would I enroll in ROTC or in any strenuous CWTS. No particular reason. Just that I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle all those physical activities. I’ve already fulfilled my dream of being a member in a soccer team in high school and I was already quite contented with that. So in college, I planned to be a full-time nerd. But it should happen that the desire to go out there and experience something unfamiliar entered my heart. Before I knew it, I was out there camping in Zambales and Batangas during my second year.
I initially planned taking up CWTS: Library Science which involves putting up a public library. Books are my dear friends so I thought it should be quite enjoyable and interesting. But I really have to finish my CWTS before I do my thesis and since only Military Science fit my schedule, I took it. It was a difficult decision since I’ve been hearing talk of rappelling, swimming and other survival skills which are included in the course. I’m afraid of heights. I don’t know how to swim. I’m not good at working with a group. “Bahala na,” I told myself.
The first day was actually fun. Sir Jazz was funny. He recounted past experiences which are so hilarious that I somehow forgot being afraid.
But the next day at Kampo Uno, my hellish summer would begin.
With wobbly legs, pounding heart, lots of stutters, and words of discouragement from an impatient instructor, I rappelled down. It was all against my will but I had to do it. My classmates must think I was a total wimp. Never mind what they say or think. I’m gonna go out there and control my fears. They’re getting in the way of my university life. I don’t like it one bit. I was a real loser; I couldn’t even complete the two-rope traverse. I suck at belaying. I screamed doing the slide-for-life when all I had to do was hang on tight to the slings. I couldn’t jump properly for the fade away. I was shuddering all over while being the victim in 1-man under. Aussie rappel hurts a lot. Lizards make me sick. Practically every curse I know came out of my innocent mouth because of frustration, even the taboo ones (the ones I don’t wanna hear). But at least I enjoyed doing the rope transfer, ascending and mid-air rescue. I hate doing reports. I hate the lecture on the different ways to carry a victim, except for the lover’s carry of course, if I’m to be carried coz that’s the safest for me. I hate swimming, especially when I couldn’t even support myself with my already fully tipped toes.
The first week was a big nightmare. I felt like I gained an experience on what hell is like. My appetite was affected by the anxieties building up within my system. I couldn’t eat properly. I wanted to throw up after eating a few bites. I couldn’t even finish a monay in one sitting. I kept on asking myself, is this what I really want? What will I get from all these? I was slowly destroying myself. I couldn’t even get a good night’s sleep coz the moment I close my eyes, I vividly remember my fears. I shudder whenever I think of the things we do. I was actually very happy coz it rained for four consecutive days the following week and we didn’t rappel. Instead, we had lectures on ropemanshp, bandaging and carries. I love tying knots!!! That’s just one of the few things I’m proud to be good at.
I’m so relieved when the course was about to end. But I’m positive I’m gonna miss everything. On the last day, I was able to do the fade away perfectly. I even rappelled down fast. But I still couldn’t do the lizard thing.
All in all, I was pretty much satisfied with what we’re doing. It somehow made me see that I can overcome my weaknesses and conquer my fears. At first, I was hesitant to take it coz there are only two possible results— either my fears aggravate or they diminish. I’m happy the second one’s more like it. Now I’m proud to say that I’ve finished CWTS Military Science. I may have done a lot of bloopers but at least I did try and I made it through without a serious injury.
for Miracle's friends, Miracle's family and Miracle's online buddies
No comments:
Post a Comment